"Not Anymore."

[11:11]

Moments like these aren't easily found
When your mind moves slowly but gets around
An evening spent on a moonless beach
Grab at a purpose and it's just out of reach
I met an old friend they deemed insane
Who died on his birthday aboard a burning plane
He left behind a wife and son
Her makeup didn't run, her makeup didn't run.

Moments like these that appear profound
Don't seem so fake when they're off the ground
A cloud that never learned to cry
They called it selfish, but the rain didn't lie
I met a young girl on her way to the morgue
A bag filled her hands, so I held the door
Asked if she once loved what it contained
She said "Not anymore, no not anymore".

Made a pass to get out of my head
And I raised my foot, but it dropped like lead
Now I sleep alone on the ocean floor
Waiting for the waves to push me ashore


Basically, I wanted the whole song to be this sort of "nightmare", where this fellow sees bad things happening to people he knew. The ending talks about him trying to forget about it, but he feels like he's already gone too far into his own imagination. It's a work in progress.

[thespearkid]

Reading it again, one line in particular that now is sort of jutting out for me is "who died on his birthday aboard a crashed plane". The way the line is set up, it seems as if he died on a plane that had already crashed, rather than dying in the actual plane crash. I would try to clear that up. You've already heard my take on the rest of this.

[11:11]

I tried fixing it a little, but I'm still trying to think of a better way to rephrase it.