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de la sympathie
12/06/05, 03:51 PM
Since everybody's posting story songs, I felt obliged to. Even if it is really bad. It's something I wrote on a spur of the moment after talking about the Italian Mafia all day in Social Studies. My teacher's great-great-grandfather attempted to leave the Mafia, got threatened with death, and when faced with the decision put a gun to his head. This is just what I thought of. Feedback appreciated.

"definitively yours"

'So, I'm boarding it up tonight.
I'm packing up, I'm leaving, alright?' (he said.)
'I've had enough of this town,
enough of all your bullshit to last me a lifetime.
I'm gone, and I'm leaving you to pick up the pieces.'
But the situation was beyond our reaches
It's not like you could fool us with falseties and instabilities,
we've always been your security.

This is how we live...
Like it or not, it's just how it is.
So this is to remind you that our eyes are beter than yours.
This is to remind you how we scarred you, how we took you by force.
This wound is to help you remember your roots.

'I never even wanted to!'
(oh, he never even wanted to)
Missed the mark but still pulled the trigger
Situation's growing bigger
'I never thought it would end up this way!'
(oh, he never wanted it to)
Don't you remember how we took you in?
Repaid your debts and cleansed your sins?
I guess not. Well I don't think so
(we go back farther than you know)

This is how we live.
Like it or not, it's just how it is.
So here's a little song to remind you of your family.
Here's a shitty rhyme that sacrifices the melody.
This is to remind you of the marks we left, left you shaking for the best.
This bruise is to remind you of your roots.

'I never wanted this,' he screamed.
'But instead of leaving, I was always so definitively yours.'
(definitively OURS.)
He cocked the gun, swallowed once
Pulled the trigger, it was done.

And we left him where he fell.

Blared
12/06/05, 03:59 PM
I really liked that. It was alot different and I loved the way you did it.keep it up

de la sympathie
12/06/05, 04:58 PM
I really liked that. It was alot different and I loved the way you did it.keep it up

Thanks :wow:

Forsythe22
12/06/05, 06:57 PM
Phew, that was intense! I particularly liked "Don't you remember how we took you in / repaid your debts and cleansed your sins," and also the last three lines, starting with "He cocked the gun..." Keep it up!

cuetheflames
12/06/05, 09:37 PM
wow this is pretty good.

good work.

:):)

de la sympathie
12/07/05, 06:35 AM
Phew, that was intense! I particularly liked "Don't you remember how we took you in / repaid your debts and cleansed your sins," and also the last three lines, starting with "He cocked the gun..." Keep it up!

Haha, thanks! It was kind of hard to write in some of the parts because i had a melody in my head, but i had to sacrifice it for the sake of rhyming.

a speedo model
12/07/05, 08:13 AM
i love it. "so i'm boarding it up tonight" was a great opening line and the closing line "And we left him where he fell" was perfect for closing as was well. overall it was an amazingly well-written and told a great story. good job!!

de la sympathie
12/08/05, 06:51 AM
i love it. "so i'm boarding it up tonight" was a great opening line and the closing line "And we left him where he fell" was perfect for closing as was well. overall it was an amazingly well-written and told a great story. good job!!

thanks muchos. :bigsmile:

SockMonkeyRiot
12/08/05, 10:35 AM
Nice, I'd like to hear it.

SLADE775
12/08/05, 01:10 PM
I like it.

:wow:

de la sympathie
12/08/05, 02:24 PM
I like it.

:wow:

and i like you. :thumbsup: thanks, slade.

FeynmanWannabe
12/08/05, 02:31 PM
I read this yesterday. I like it.

ArTkY_
12/08/05, 02:43 PM
Fucking great. And as someone said before, very original.
Haha, thanks! It was kind of hard to write in some of the parts because i had a melody in my head, but i had to sacrifice it for the sake of rhyming.
I hardly rhyme! I'm pretty sure that takes away from the song though, haha.

de la sympathie
12/09/05, 06:22 AM
Fucking great. And as someone said before, very original.

I hardly rhyme! I'm pretty sure that takes away from the song though, haha.

My songs/things are not worthy of kissing the metaphorical feet of yours.

Thanks, Tariq. <3