Immature Parents

[Kid B]

Sorry for the long read.

My parents are divorced and hate each other. Both are extremely immature. I have two younger brothers (10 and 11) and a 19 year old sister. We live with my mom and go to my Dad's ever other weekend. Both constantly bash each other to us. When my brothers do something wrong, my mother blames it all on my dad. When I do something wrong, she blames it on me, calls me a bunch of horrible names, calls me "Dave" (that is my Father's name, it's supposed to be an insult), locks me out of the house for hours with nothing, rain or snow whatever, screams about absolutely everything, is gone almost every night with her friends, etc. I can't at least try and tell her that she is doing anything wrong because she immediately becomes really defensive and starts criticizing me, telling me to move out and in with my dad and shit like that. She will get into arguments with my little brothers and I about basically nothing. She tells herself that she isn't doing anything wrong by going out every night because she works hard during the day. It's as if parenting is more of a job than a full-on lifestyle, and she only does the bare minimum. We barely have any food around the house, most of the time. The list of things goes on and on.

My Dad is immature but he doesn't show it around us as much. He'll bash my mom but he doesn't really neglect us (well he does, but not as bluntly as my mom). He is absolutely horrible to my mom though. She is to him too, but he furthers it a ton. He has said the most horrible things to her. On my mom's birthday, she sent him a text about my sister acting up, and he replied this exact quote (I remember it because I have thought about it and read it so many times); "Have another drink and find some fool to jam it in you and make you feel better about yourself for a minute". Yeah, fucked up. I used to get extremely mad at my mom but by now I can control my anger. I try to tell her that she's being immature and she needs to look at herself when she acts up but she just gets offensive against me, as I previously described. It constantly happens and I am about to explode. I can't handle it anymore. I really try to set a good example for my brothers (they know how fucked their dad is, my mom has no problem telling them every disgusting thing he says) but it gets hard when your mom is right there telling you what a piece of shit you are. My sister is kicked out of the house (she has always been the least favorite, she has self esteem problems so she parties almost every night and is an alcoholic. she is just like my mom), so she isn't setting a good example.

As of tonight I decided I am going to just avoid my mom as much as possible, but chances are it isn't going to work that well. All of it is making me extremely depressed to the point where it is constantly on my mind and I become surrounded in it it seems like, and my brain kind of shuts down and I can't think and I am just in an extremely low state.

Any advice?

[AP_Punk]

i thought the thread title said "immature pants".

would've been an interesting subject!

[alltimehoe93]

i thought the thread title said "immature pants".

would've been an interesting subject!
hahaha Kirbie, this is a serious thread!





OP: Have you thought of talking to your parents? I'm sorry if you mentioned that, honestly, I didn't read all of the post, my attention span's out the window.

[anthonydarko]

Sounds like a lot of people I know in here in Missouri. Honestly man, if your mom is treating your younger siblings like shit and giving inadequate care, then call Social Services on her ass, that'll be a real wake up call to her. Same with your father, you shouldn't have to put up with that shit.

[Mr. Ryan]

Honestly man, if your mom is treating your younger siblings like shit and giving inadequate care, then call Social Services on her ass, that'll be a real wake up call to her. Same with your father, you shouldn't have to put up with that shit.


Seconded. It sounds like the situation is beyond 'talking it out.'

[jenny_ell]

This sounds kinda drastic, but maybe you guys should move. Your mom I assume sees your dad from time to time? I don't know. Im no psychologist but I'm sure if they didn't come in physical contact with eachother or lived far away then your mom might be happier and not take the anger out on you. And maybe moving to a new city will make you all feel refreshed and a new start in life.

[.invisible ink.]

Sounds like a lot of people I know in here in Missouri. Honestly man, if your mom is treating your younger siblings like shit and giving inadequate care, then call Social Services on her ass, that'll be a real wake up call to her. Same with your father, you shouldn't have to put up with that shit.

Seconded. It sounds like the situation is beyond 'talking it out.'

yeah, 'cuz being thrown into the system and living with potentially worse foster parents sounds like a great idea! Do you have any idea just how fucked up this could turn out for the OP? Obviously not.

[anthonydarko]

yeah, 'cuz being thrown into the system and living with potentially worse foster parents sounds like a great idea! Do you have any idea just how fucked up this could turn out for the OP? Obviously not.
Well little miss I-know-it-all, you got any better suggestions? Sure there is the chance of that, but it's still a better choice than dealing with the hell that he is going through.

[zion the lion]

I've got something kind of similar going on but not really and all I can really say is that you should make a plan now and leave the second you turn 18. Start saving up money and put it towards an apartment somewhere that you can let your sibilings stay in (if you think they need out too)

[alltimehoe93]

I've got something kind of similar going on but not really and all I can really say is that you should make a plan now and leave the second you turn 18. Start saving up money and put it towards an apartment somewhere that you can let your sibilings stay in (if you think they need out too)
Putting up with his situation for three years can get kind of tough. I don't know if he'd want to wait around in case it got worse but depending on the severity of the situation, this could be a good plan.

[zion the lion]

Putting up with his situation for three years can get kind of tough. I don't know if he'd want to wait around in case it got worse but depending on the severity of the situation, this could be a good plan.

three years becomes two years which becomes one year and that turns into six months and so on. Its the only plan that I know people doing. Foster care would mean spending 3 years in a system thats so messed up that he would probably get seperated from his sibilings.

[alltimehoe93]

three years becomes two years which becomes one year and that turns into six months and so on. Its the only plan that I know people doing. Foster care would mean spending 3 years in a system thats so messed up that he would probably get seperated from his sibilings.
I'm not saying it was a bad or unreasonable plan. There really isn't an easy one here. If it were up to me, I'd sit his parents down and tell them to grow the fuck up and look at what's going on with their kids. In any plan, three years is a long while. I don't really know what any of us can tell him to do. I have a similar situation, to an extent, and I have to say that waiting out three years is not an easy thought. It's the most reasonable plan though.

[zion the lion]

I'm not saying it was a bad or unreasonable plan. There really isn't an easy one here. If it were up to me, I'd sit his parents down and tell them to grow the fuck up and look at what's going on with their kids. In any plan, three years is a long while. I don't really know what any of us can tell him to do. I have a similar situation, to an extent, and I have to say that waiting out three years is not an easy thought. It's the most reasonable plan though.

It's an ok plan, its got its setbacks though. The whole sitting the parents down thing never works, if the parents are abusive in any way (which in his case they are) they usually flip out and its almost not worth it. My friend did this and her mom got so angry that she beat her (in public which isnt unusual for her) and threatened to leave me in the street (we were in europe and waiting for my plane to take me back home). When I try to sit my mom down she usually gets defensive and tries to blame everything on me or deny it all.

[killerswells]

social services will only cause your folks to argue more, and it will only make things worse. plus, you dont want you and your brothers to end up with a foster family, that could turn out terribly.

get your grandparents involved maybe? or other relatives. get family involved and try and work it out. if all else fails, then contact social services, but only as a last resort.

[xica_sp4ever]

Sorry for the long read.

My parents are divorced and hate each other. Both are extremely immature. I have two younger brothers (10 and 11) and a 19 year old sister. We live with my mom and go to my Dad's ever other weekend. Both constantly bash each other to us. When my brothers do something wrong, my mother blames it all on my dad. When I do something wrong, she blames it on me, calls me a bunch of horrible names, calls me "Dave" (that is my Father's name, it's supposed to be an insult), locks me out of the house for hours with nothing, rain or snow whatever, screams about absolutely everything, is gone almost every night with her friends, etc. I can't at least try and tell her that she is doing anything wrong because she immediately becomes really defensive and starts criticizing me, telling me to move out and in with my dad and shit like that. She will get into arguments with my little brothers and I about basically nothing. She tells herself that she isn't doing anything wrong by going out every night because she works hard during the day. It's as if parenting is more of a job than a full-on lifestyle, and she only does the bare minimum. We barely have any food around the house, most of the time. The list of things goes on and on.

My Dad is immature but he doesn't show it around us as much. He'll bash my mom but he doesn't really neglect us (well he does, but not as bluntly as my mom). He is absolutely horrible to my mom though. She is to him too, but he furthers it a ton. He has said the most horrible things to her. On my mom's birthday, she sent him a text about my sister acting up, and he replied this exact quote (I remember it because I have thought about it and read it so many times); "Have another drink and find some fool to jam it in you and make you feel better about yourself for a minute". Yeah, fucked up. I used to get extremely mad at my mom but by now I can control my anger. I try to tell her that she's being immature and she needs to look at herself when she acts up but she just gets offensive against me, as I previously described. It constantly happens and I am about to explode. I can't handle it anymore. I really try to set a good example for my brothers (they know how fucked their dad is, my mom has no problem telling them every disgusting thing he says) but it gets hard when your mom is right there telling you what a piece of shit you are. My sister is kicked out of the house (she has always been the least favorite, she has self esteem problems so she parties almost every night and is an alcoholic. she is just like my mom), so she isn't setting a good example.

As of tonight I decided I am going to just avoid my mom as much as possible, but chances are it isn't going to work that well. All of it is making me extremely depressed to the point where it is constantly on my mind and I become surrounded in it it seems like, and my brain kind of shuts down and I can't think and I am just in an extremely low state.

Any advice?

My mother is like that, blames me for everything
& always says I'm "just like him".
Wtfever.
Just tell her to kiss your cheeks
& ignore her.
Or tell her you're running away,
that worked.

[trappedintime]

run away.

[thespearkid]

Tons of awful ideas in this thread.

Hey, OP. Congratulations, you have a shitty childhood. Welcome to the ranks. My Dad used to make a hobby of stealing money from me, stealing my car, and lending it out to drug dealers in exchange for crack. As long as they're keeping you fed and not hitting or molesting you, count yourself lucky, man up, and get through it.

[alltimehoe93]

It's an ok plan, its got its setbacks though. The whole sitting the parents down thing never works, if the parents are abusive in any way (which in his case they are) they usually flip out and its almost not worth it. My friend did this and her mom got so angry that she beat her (in public which isnt unusual for her) and threatened to leave me in the street (we were in europe and waiting for my plane to take me back home). When I try to sit my mom down she usually gets defensive and tries to blame everything on me or deny it all.
Well, that sucks.
Any plan is going to have its setbacks, there isn't an easy way for him to get out of this.

[ReadyForAction]

This thread is bringing me down =[

[Smash Adams]

Just be glad you're not Bronx-Mowgli Wentz

[11:11]

I have divorced parents, so I can empathsize. Do you like both of your parents? Or one more than the other?

[BryterJonah]

Or tell her you're running away,
that worked.
Advice OP: Never listen to a poster with an x in their username.

For every x, subtract thirty IQ points and add an STD.

[caress me down]

I'm sorry man. This situation is fucked up and no kid deserves to live with this. I think your idea of staying away is the best one in here. If you feel like you can't take it anymore, you need to stay away from her before it all builds up to some serious damage. I would try to stay out of your house as much as possible without neglecting your siblings.

[zion the lion]

Running away is the worst possible idea (next to going into foster care) jesus people come on!

[.invisible ink.]

Well little miss I-know-it-all, you got any better suggestions? Sure there is the chance of that, but it's still a better choice than dealing with the hell that he is going through.

The chance is unfortunately quite high, that was my point.

the better choice would be to get some intervention that didn't include the state. Perhaps speaking to a psychologist, or better yet, having the whole family go to therapy together, if that's even a slight possibility.

Otherwise, I say suck it up until he can move out. It's not like the OP is being physically abused (not that verbal abuse is much better) but there's a lot worse situations to be in than the one he's currently in, sad to say.

[xica_sp4ever]

Advice OP: Never listen to a poster with an x in their username.

For every x, subtract thirty IQ points and add an STD.

You live in Alaska.
Your opinion = Crap.

Running away is the worst possible idea (next to going into foster care) jesus people come on!

I didn't say run away away,
just say you're going to run away..
That always gets their attention.

[BryterJonah]

You live in Alaska.
News to me.

[zion the lion]

You live in Alaska.
Your opinion = Crap.



I didn't say run away away,
just say you're going to run away..
That always gets their attention.

I'm the one that lives in Alaska...

And saying that he's going to run away isnt going to help at all, that would only make his parents argue more.

[accidenté]

Sorry for the long read.
. . . . . Any advice?

Yeah I got some advice. Your mom needs a man! there needs to be a man to run the house eefficiently. So guess what that means????





Means you Young Buck! You need to step up to the plate. Get out into the REAL WORLD and get a J-O-B. Then you need to feed the young ones. YEAH you gotta provide mutha fucka!! Now after a hard day of work a MAN has gotta relax, you know what I mean??




You can now crack open a beer, put your feet, and watch your fav show and just relax for the rest of the day (you earned it kid ;). Now when it time to go to bed....you won't be sleeping alone! NOPE no siree you have to be sleepin with your mother, since that is what man and women do together! Now now I know it must seem strange to you but given your situation you have no choice in the matter. just fuck your mother like any other man would do. Pound out that pussy and make her SCREAM!!!


When the sun has set and the dust has settled you'll know what it means to be a man..

[.invisible ink.]

goddamn, you just can't stay away.

[DINO_MAN]

goddamn, you just can't stay away.

if you blow me

[zion the lion]

how does one person make so many fakes? You think someone would catch on already...jesus christ.

[DINO_MAN]

how does one person make so many fakes? You think someone would catch on already...jesus christ.

You think they would stop bannin me after a few times but I guess not!!! Guess I gotta post some nasty things in the future =\

[SonEric84]

Advice OP: Never listen to a poster with an x in their username.

For every x, subtract thirty IQ points and add an STD.



That was fucking classic. haha



I don't really have any good ideas for the OP, but I wish you luck.

[.invisible ink.]

if you blow me

You think they would stop bannin me after a few times but I guess not!!! Guess I gotta post some nasty things in the future =\

reported.

[FallenAngel117]

thats just nasty

[SanePsychotic]

The best thing you can do is just try to wait it out until you're eighteen, unless you want to bring in Social Services and the like. I know it'd be hard, but sometimes you've just got to try to ignore the negative things in your life and focus on the positive. If you're parents are physically abusive then you should definitely call SS, but as they seem to be causing you psychological distress I'd suggest that you might go see someone and talk it out with them.

Good luck, kiddo.

[ablueskytragedy]

Just tell them both to grow the fuck up (in nicer terms of course). Just summarize to them what you told us in this thread...

[ablueskytragedy]

goddamn, you just can't stay away.

Please. http://lh5.ggpht.com/carlos57775/SCobc6EL_hI/AAAAAAAABys/RG0y66Z3ZDY/s288/Don%27t%20feed%20the%20troll.jpg

[Chancetobe]

My parents were like this when they first divorced. I was never neglected, but they would talk shit about each other to us constantly, ect. Because of the financial strain my mom had to work long hours, usually not getting home til' 8-9pm. Over time it went away, and now it just happens occasionally. Actually, my dad is throwing a graduation party for my little brother and even invited my mom's whole side of the family, it's going to be awkward, but, the fact that they will probably be civil shows people can grow.

As for my advice, as someone whose been there. You have to step up. If you have no food in the house, if you can get money from your mom, you go out and buy it. Cook for your little siblings. Make sure they get their h.w done, ect. Your old enough that you can manage as a parent. I did when I was your age. Younger even. The example you'll set if you do that and still keep yourself going will be a good one.

Next step: honestly, have you considered moving in with your father? If he'll keep food on the table, that's a start.

Step three: try to ignore the arguing. Both parents are angry. When they talk. Don't respond. Just say "yeah, uh huh" ect. You know, pretend your listening but don't. Because it hurts to hear someone talk that way about someone you love. And defending them does no good. Maybe consider writing a note to your parents, telling them how you feel. Words can dissapear, but they'll be able to see a note for a long time, and maybe it will remind them just how much they are hurting you.

Step four: get your mom to an AA meeting. Actually, make that step 2.