a life so domestic

[thetrueblood]

be not disturbed in a place so majestic, the suns rays are yours--

the slightest upset would send the storm cloud guards running.

you've always known that umbrellas are just a hoax.

like a temporary sanctuary-- we step carefully.

but every step is marred by memory lane

every heart is scarred by "who's to blame?"

so bring forth the hangman's halter,

i'm off to the gallows again--

[Vedanta]

not bad, i like the style of this one.

[fishingthe_sky]

This waivers. First line is not bad, but "storm cloud guards" is kind of... dumb. Plus, that line's flow is all out of sorts; there's too many sounds going on in it, especially in that phrase. It's not comfortable to say out loud, and it feels unnatural. The third line is an interesting idea - I like it. Lines 5 and 6 are cliched, especially "memory lane." I highly doubt there is ever a time in a poem where the idea of memory lane carries any potency. The last two lines are a bit tired, as well; these kinds of images/ideas are done to death by the My Chemical Romances and Every Time I Dies.