I'm Such A Monster

[apsterling]

It's amazing what Cali did to you;
hips sway and arteries gone blue.
Celebrity Trainwreck, well,
that's nothing compared to you.

Your mannerisms all went downhill:
you call me spoiled, that's your thrill?
The only thrill you get
is looking in the mirror, girl.

-/chorus
The saddest part of all of it,
is how I brought you straight to this.
To think a guy like me
would be the one to break you down.

And when I think a bit of it,
I can't help but smile at this.
To think a guy like me
would end up in this place.
-/end chorus

You're broken as much as I'm alright,
living daylights broke me up.
Save you now?
Well, you never cared much for me.

You're looking the wrong way for a savior,
I already made that mistake.
Find another boy to take,
Before I break down and help you.

-/chorus

And the worst part is:
this ain't California,
It's only Arizona,
but I won't stand for this.
No, we won't stand for this.

-/chorus

But you can't quite call it bliss
when your shots all went amiss,
so tell me when you're
ready to act your age.

[The Personist]

Pop-punk cliches abound. You need to find a new way to express yourself and your feelings that you haven't lifted from NFG/SoCo/TSL. I love those bands, but you can't just write exactly like them and expect it to be good or interesting. You need to show us how you feel, not just tell us.

[Deadbolt01]

I actually like this a lot. Two things I would say could be better:
1. Use of the word mannerisms doesn't really work for me.
2. Repetition of 'guy like me' is pretty cliché.

But its cool, you've got some talent there for my liking.