Rooted In The Past

[Alaris1337]

I've lost it all, I'm back at square one
What is there to do? What can be done?
It's not fair, I've been held back
The chains, the roots, they hold me down
Grow right around me, tie me to the ground
Escape this prison, escape from this world
Take me to the ocean floor, take me there,
I can't take this anymore.
There's no pressure in this place, not when you're alone
Where do I go from here? I've got to pick up the pieces
Put this puzzle together again

[The Personist]

Your singsong rhyme scheme undercuts what I think should be a serious cry for help or something. Also, you need to find ways to express these feelings that haven't already been done. Show us, don't tell us, that it's not fair, that you've been held back, etc.

[Deadbolt01]

I agree with the above. I don't know if it's meant to be a song or a poem, if it's a poem then the rhyme scheme is too strict for me, its about breaking free but its written really contrictivel itself so I think writing a bit more freely would add some power. If it's a song then it could work, but I'd like to see some more vivid metaphors maybe. But its a good start, I like the ocean floor bit.