I Still See You

[rottie155]

I Still See You


Ever since that sunny day,
The day you were taken away,
I will never forget, how
how you looked back at me.
And I only wish, I was there,
To hold your hand and stroke your hair.

But wishing hearts can never mend,
I'd give my life, for you again,

I can't stop thinking of how, you left me.
I can't stop cursing myself.
How I left you.
And you left me.
And they say that time will heal me.
I close my eyes, and I still see you.

Looking back at me. Watery eyes, Broken inside.
I never told you, just how much you meant to me.
And now you'll never, never know,
Just how much you made me grow.
I stand tall, And I am new,
And I owe it all to you.

I can't stop thinking of how, you left me.
I can't stop cursing myself.
How I left you.
And you left me.
And they say that time will heal me.
I close my eyes, and I still see you.

And now my refrain, I say it again,
They say that time is a healer,
But time is not, what I need,
I need you back here with me,
I need to tell you, You need to know,
You are the reason, you made me grow,
I close my eyes, I see you there,
You smile at me, and disappear,
I need you to come back here,
But you still sleep, And so I weep,
I close my eyes, and you're not there,
What the hell do I do now?
But in my heart, I still see you.

I can't stop thinking of how you left me,
And I can't stop cursing myself.

[The Personist]

This is very riddled with pop-punk cliches. It doesn't move me at all. You should rework it so that you're not being so cliche and just telling me how you feel. Let me experience it with you; show, don't tell, your feelings and what's going on as this progresses.

[Deadbolt01]

My advice for this(I'm not great myself so you can take it or leave it)is try to think about what you're trying to say, then make it rhyme. Don't think of a word that rhymes then try and fit it in. It's a little forced.