Opinions Please?

[Sammybaby]

Im Looking For Constructive Criticism Mainly, There Is A Repeated Verse At One Point But Im Working On That

Thanks.

You did what you could,
What you felt was right,
But you led me on forever,
I was blinded by your light.

Your perfect eyes, they burnt me,
Leaving scars from where they shone,
To turn my back would kill me,
Will you love me when I’m gone?

We could've danced the night away,
I could've stroked your perfumed hair,
Your rejection left me empty,
My heart in disrepair.

You did what you could,
What you felt was right,
But you led me on forever,
I was blinded by your light.

Sometimes words don’t justify the pain I try to hide,
The escape no longer seems to work, it’s melting me inside.
So come back,
Finish what you begun,
Look into your heart, you know you owe me this.
Take away my pride,
My hope, my trust, my life,
Take my heart, this frosty black abyss.

So take a bow, and I’ll throw roses at your feet,
My soul has been misled so bad that I admit defeat,
Remember me and everything that made my life so sweet,
Before I end this sorry heart and make my loss complete.


I've Written A Piano Thing To Go With It, Which Sounds Okay.
Thanks x

[The Personist]

This reads like a laundry list of angst-ridden cliches. Your rhyme scheme is contrived, your devices simple and uninteresting, and overall this is very mediocre. Try to look at what you want to say and then show us, rather than tell us, how you're feeling or what's going on.

[bigjo91]

it sounds ok but i would work on being more honest. i know its what your feeling, but if your reallyhonest, even if it comes out dumb, it will make ppl feel something. just try not to make everything really general and be more honest with futur songs :)

6 out of 10 for me right now but lots of potential :)

[townie88]

sweet song