Across These Walls

[Kalvsylta]

Another song I wrote!

Another faceless man, staring right back at me.
Hatred spread across the room.
Follow my leader blindly across the hall.
You ignorant fool, wake up and listen to the beating.
Bleed across the walls.
Plead across the flaws.
Living on the edge of life.
Pull my body away.
Pulling the plug, letting the lights out.
A God-forbidded dream, staring at myself like this.
Escaping reality once again, I hear only this
noise, screamings, distortions.
Utterly pre-defined!
Constantly de-evolutioning!
Soon reconstructed at birth.
Oh, bleed across these walls.
Oh, plead across these flaws.
Living on the edge of life.

[newtothis]

Wow. Your use of of words is wonderful. The last line seems a bit cliche, unlike the rest of the song. Consider rewriting that. Also, make sure your words are words at some points (de-evolutioning, God-forbidded). Other than that, very nice.

[fishingthe_sky]

"God-forbidded" is actually a nice play on language, and a great sense of poesy on your part. "De-evolutioning" should be "devolution" though.

This is pretty solid. I'm not sure the last three lines need to be here, as the repetition doesn't really propel this into any new territory. Good work.