Heres to hoping...

[bigjo91]

my soar lungs, despise me for what i've done/ cause i put every inch of myself, into every song/ a lack of friends to act as tourniquets/ we scream every word to stop the bleeding/ is, it, so much to ask, that we be remenbered, forever.// what if i said, i'm in this for the long run, heres to hoping// they say give up kid, you're in over your head/ but you better put em up cause theirs no way we'll stop/ WITHOUT A FUCKING FIGHT// we'll inspire hope, in every kid/ be hometown hereoes, and longtime legends.

[The Personist]

You should break it up into lines so it's easier to read.

*sore, *remembered

your punctuation distracts because you insert random commas for no reason. It was hard to get through this.

Again, somewhat cliched, like the last one.

[BryterJonah]

my soar lungs, despise me for what i've done/ cause i put every inch of myself, into every song/ a lack of friends to act as tourniquets/ we scream every word to stop the bleeding/ is, it, so much to ask, that we be remenbered, forever.// what if i said, i'm in this for the long run, heres to hoping// they say give up kid, you're in over your head/ but you better put em up cause theirs no way we'll stop/ WITHOUT A FUCKING FIGHT// we'll inspire hope, in every kid/ be hometown hereoes, and longtime legends.

Bolded the most moving parts. (http://datadisappoints.ytmnd.com/)

[bigjo91]

any feedback helps :)