Everyone's a Let Down

[xhandgunxheart]

Newport fucked me up
I need to get the hell out of this place
I'm sorry, so sorry
that it had to end like this

Don't say it; I'm not worth it
Your friendships far too perfect
I'm living my life like I'm going out of style
You please me; it's too easy
But I know you never mean it.
Why am I the one who gets fucked up in the end?

Newport fucked me up
I need to get the hell out of this place
I'm sorry, so sorry
that it had to end like this
And summer turns to fall, and I'm falling more and more out of love with you
I used to think that Pennsylvania was so sweet 'til girls like you just fucked it up for me

So this is it: I've made a list of my regrets.
Just don't forget me. Don't forget me.

[The Personist]

The biggest problem with this is the use of the f word. It distracts from the piece. I think you could say what you're saying in a different way while keeping the same gist and without sacrificing the feel of the piece.


Why Newport?

Can you find another way to show that you need to "get out of this place" without saying, "I need to get out of this place"? As is, you're telling me everything and not letting me think about it at all. I know these are intended to be lyrics, but the best of lyrics require thought--even in pop-punk. FWYK is a great instance of this. Same thing goes for the rest of the chorus; express this without saying it outright.

*friendship's, right? The Fall Out Boy allusion gives this a feeling of sameness that distracts me. I like "You please me; it's too easy." The rest of this verse is all things I've heard before. Your TBS allusion makes it seem cliche, if only because TBS has a tendency toward the maudlin lyrically.


"And summer turns to fall, and I'm falling more and more out of love with you":
Clever, though do you think the first fall is necessary? Couldn't it be, "And summer turns to autumn, and I'm falling more and more out of love with you"? I think that would be subtler, though it's up to you to play with it.


In general, I think you should explore these concepts with your own words. The allusions to the popular bands aren't necessary, and, as you already know, they were distracting to me in reviewing your piece.

[xhandgunxheart]

Thank you for your criticism.

I don't think I used the f word too much. I feel I used it when I needed to, instead of just using it for the hell of it.

Newport is just a reference to the girl its about. Elaborating more would be silly and a bit too personal.

I guess I could show more than I do, but I guess in this situation what I wrote IS showing rather than telling. I mean, I could've written lyrics like "this girls really stupid/ she has another boyfriend/ she broke up with me/ it doesnt make me happy," and that would be telling, whereas I wrote this. I dont actually have to get out of this place, its just the phrase I used to portray the feeling that someone, in this case "Newport", has made me feel so trapped. The rest of the song goes on to explain exactly why I felt trapped.

Yes, friendship's. My bad.

The allusions are partly laziness on my part, partly what felt right in the flow of the song, and partly references to the girl. I don't see how they could distract you if you don't know what band they're alluding to...

Fall = falling. Thats the "cleverness" of the line. Thats, again, how it flowed when writing it. But, most importantly, in my region's dialect, we don't say Autumn.