Untitled Poem(Input on this would be lovely)

[Mike Smith]

Not sure what to call this, but please give any constructive criticism possible. But don't be too harsh please.

Thanks!

Untitled:

Take this please
I was saving it for a hero
Someone who served in the war
To help fight for the rights of mankind
Someone who was brave, a person of rebellion
But I want you to have this
Because I now see, that this belongs to you and your people
Just as much as it belonged to me

[drewxmagid]

It's pretty boring.

[newtothis]

Ok. I don't think it's boring. However, it isn't that catchy or attention grabbing. It is neutral to me. For one, you are not very clear about your meaning. You could really expand this and focus a little more. It is very vague, very unfocused, and very much lacking in poetic technique. Check your punctuation. That would help a lot. Also, I know this is said a lot on this forum, but think about showing and not telling.

[drewxmagid]

I think an important part of poetry is imagery. This had none.

I'm not saying i'm the best poet ever because I know I'm not. But when I write I try to think of metaphors and other literary devices to depict what I want to get across

[npmshah]

I think an important part of poetry is imagery. This had none.

I'm not saying i'm the best poet ever because I know I'm not. But when I write I try to think of metaphors and other literary devices to depict what I want to get across
ever heard of minimalism? and i hardly use imagery in my poetry, just raw emotion
and i think my poems are good

about the poem:
i liked it, but it could use some help when it comes to meter and flow

[The Personist]

ever heard of minimalism? and i hardly use imagery in my poetry, just raw emotion
and i think my poems are good

about the poem:
i liked it, but it could use some help when it comes to meter and flow

Minimalism is more evocative.

This is very stagnant.

[The Personist]

Show, don't tell. I can get everything you're trying to say with one quick glance. Let me converse with this, let me lift some of the meaning from the text rather than just know it.