Breaking Up (my first poem)

[*nath*]

You
Your smile
Your eyes

Me
My innocence
My doubts

Us
Our fights
Our mistakes

She
Her fun
Her laughs

You
Your love
Your happiness

Me
My pain
My tears

[ImpulZe]

I like it short and sweet...good messgae

[lfdfforever]

good poem

[de la sympathie]

I can already tell I'm not going to like anything else you have to write, but I'll read the other one anyways.

[theMATEOlife]

i just threw up in my mouth a little bit

[preppyak]

Too one-dimensional. Its very hard to get across very much meaning in 30 words.

[OveriseFan]

Too one-dimensional. Its very hard to get across very much meaning in 30 words.

Green Eggs and Ham did it...

Anyway, I don't like this AT ALL. It's terrible structure, bland, and flat out boring. Use some imagery, use some rhyming, hell, GET SOME STRUCTURE!

It's not very well written, overused, and extremely boring, sorry.

[OveriseFan]

Write longer lines too.

[OveriseFan]

and remember, word count, that's the most important. Make your lines all have (about) the same number of syllables.

[punkpixie]

Crap.

[ArTkY_]

Baha?

[apoemtothedead]

You have a knack for writing complete shit, don't you?

[OveriseFan]

You have a knack for writing complete shit, don't you?

Up there with Aiden.