First post has to be somewhere

[Angelcrusherd]

Untitled
The education system's a joke,
I don't know what to think when
the government calls slavery freedom.

If children are the future,
I look forward to my death.
I'd rather die than be a product of the system.

C
H-{Who am I? Who are you?
O-{You were born just like me,
R-{Who told you your thoughts
U-{Weighed so much more than mine?
S

But this anti-American, anti-government
Talk is so useless cause Big Brother,
He knows how to win.

Freedom fighting, what's the use?
Christians are raised to be abused.
Propaganda shoots and scores
While the poor's pockets are wearing thin.

CHORUS

Now it's over, this is it;
Hug your Bible, hypocrites.
Armageddon's not the end,
It just implies that we will win.

Raining fire from the sky
Destroying greedy sinful lives,
That's what your prophecy says... doesn't it?

So take your country, take your state,
Take your fake democratic traits
And fuck yourself, we're gonna win.
Take your schools and take your laws,
Every Constitutional clause, take it all...

We're gonna win.
Or Lack Thereof
I've failed in my own definition;
All this tension;
All these lives of my creation
Oh did I mention
The divine rights you took from me

Hello Capitol Hill,
Giving promotions for hiding the nooses in the trees.
Let's make a new bill;
Stop promoting the "dumb" without the "free".

And I am...
Ashamed of my representation,
Murdering masses of my children,
While spectators worry about gay relations.
False translations...
You know nothing of my Word, just creative speculations.
My estimation-
Is that you're only religious to reserve your seat next to me.

Without love, but greed,
You will never fully achieve
In my eyes, I'll watch you bleed
As your murderous hypocritical life decays.
Waiting for the day...
When I can wrap my hands around your soul and say,
"My name is not a fuel for your fire, now you will pay!"

But here I am, I'm still here,
Watching year after year.
My children lack of love,
Instead obey in fear.

I guess it's time to end it,
These were not my initial intentions.
I would free you from misery, my children,
If I only existed... Yes political, big deal. I need some good criticism.

[ImpulZe]

its not bad

[OveriseFan]

First one is flat out terrible. So god-damn typical. I hate political stuff, but I can tolerate some of it. This just seems like a stupid 12 year old rant about how Bush sucks cause (insert famous/not so famous but cool to you cause they're "Punk" here) told you so. Plus, it's super childish and the lines are over-done. It's all in all, sucky.

The second one still isn't GOOD, but it's not terrible either. Same things apply though.

[OveriseFan]

You're not really 19 right?

http://images.absolutepunk.net/images/profiles/favoritebands.gifGreen Day, Rise Against, Tenacious D, NOFX


Thus, proving my point... I just didn't want to say "cause Green Day and Fat Mike told you to"

[Angelcrusherd]

You think I'm not 19 because of my taste in bands? Haha, genius. And that's the kind of criticism I'm looking for, except maybe something more helpful to me, please? I could tell myself 'learn how to write music, dumbass' and it would have the same effect as what I've heard so far.

[ArTkY_]

You tried to be too intelligent in your songs, but you came across stupid.

[swirlofhues]

My children lack of love,
Instead obey in fear.
I know it's a song/poem but you shouldn't shorten the amount of words that'll help make your lyrics more comprehendable.

With that line, maybe something along the lines of, "My children lack love, they obey in fear", "My children, lacking of love, obey in fear". I think that's what you were trying to say. I hope that helped. I know one of my biggest problems with poetry was how I thought I had to condense my logic to add to my style. You probably wouldn't want to make that kind of sacrifice.

[Angelcrusherd]

Alright I need to work on not trying to be intelligent and use better verse structure. Thanks.

[Dr. Kainashi]

I'm with OveriseFan. What the fuck dude, Political songs? That's so lame and cliche. Why the hell would someone on AbsolutePunk.net post a political song?

Joe Strummer is turning in his grave. For shame, Angel.

[Angelcrusherd]

Jesus, you're right man. I really should think twice before doing stupid shit.

[ArTkY_]

Alright I need to work on not trying to be intelligent and use better verse structure. Thanks.
I didn't say don't be intelligent. I said be intelligent but phrase it better.

[swirlofhues]

Alright I need to work on not trying to be intelligent and use better verse structure. Thanks.

I'm really oblivious to when people are being sarcastic towards me or not but I just thought that, that little input might help.

[lfdfforever]

have a hidden message, like eastside killer G cat lickers......... what?

[OveriseFan]

You think I'm not 19 because of my taste in bands? Haha, genius. And that's the kind of criticism I'm looking for, except maybe something more helpful to me, please? I could tell myself 'learn how to write music, dumbass' and it would have the same effect as what I've heard so far.

No no no...

I thought you weren't 19 because your songs were totally childish, as well as having no facts backing up politics.

But then again "absolutePUNK", oh yea, that's right, punk's dead, and GOOD punk, shouldn't even be political.

Not to mention, if you like punk so much, why isn't one "punk" band listed in your favorites?

I'd of given more advice, but you guys are just morons. I don't think you'd understand it.

[OveriseFan]

I'm with OveriseFan. What the fuck dude, Political songs? That's so lame and cliche. Why the hell would someone on AbsolutePunk.net post a political song?

Joe Strummer is turning in his grave. For shame, Angel.

HAHAHAHAHA

Well aren't we witty?

Since when was punk about writing political songs?

[preppyak]

HAHAHAHAHA

Well aren't we witty?

Since when was punk about writing political songs?
Wait til you tell him that FOB and P!ATD aren't "emo"

[theMATEOlife]

hey guys remember that time this kid made another username to back him up on his shitty lyrics?

good times

[ArTkY_]

No no no...

I thought you weren't 19 because your songs were totally childish, as well as having no facts backing up politics.

But then again "absolutePUNK", oh yea, that's right, punk's dead, and GOOD punk, shouldn't even be political.

Not to mention, if you like punk so much, why isn't one "punk" band listed in your favorites?

I'd of given more advice, but you guys are just morons. I don't think you'd understand it.
Dude! Absolutepunk isn't even a punk site, Tate has said it countless times.

[Angelcrusherd]

Alright punk music cannot be political in any sense and a circle jerk of overzealous punk elitists gets to decide who's punk and who isn't. Someone tell this kid what punk's really about.

And no, swirlofhues, I wasn't being sarcastic towards you. You're the only one that gave me advice.

[OveriseFan]

Alright punk music cannot be political in any sense and a circle jerk of overzealous punk elitists gets to decide who's punk and who isn't. Someone tell this kid what punk's really about.

And no, swirlofhues, I wasn't being sarcastic towards you. You're the only one that gave me advice.

NEWSFLASH

Punk is dead... and it wasn't ever good.

Thank you for turning to the MORONS CHANNEL, we'll now return to our usual broadcast.

[Angelcrusherd]

Aside from wrecking my thread and making yourself look like a complete douchebag, you continue to spew bullshit. Punk is as dead as your lack of wit. If all the criticism I'm going to recieve is from this guy, thanks but I'll pass.

[a speedo model]

i don't like it. you seem to be trying to bash everyone without a clear reason why and you never show any signs of knowing what the hell you're talking about. it's like you're using phrases you've heard somewhere but don't seem to know what they mean. in the end, you offer no enlightenment or political view whatsoever, just a mess.