Sometimes...

[Mike Smith]

Not sure what i think of this one....Constructive comments?


Sometimes I think about what it would be like
To live above in the drifting white clouds
My wings flying me from place to place
Watching the children far below me....

[bigjo91]

this sounds like a celine dion song. pretty cliche..............

[fishingthe_sky]

This isn't really much of anything outside of an image that's already been used a ton. It could make a nice base for something if it were expanded and perhaps injected with a little more to make it stand out. We all know that clouds are white and drift. Give us a unique description of them that doesn't involve the obvious. What are the children doing? Why are you watching them? These things will make this into something actually worth it.

[Mike Smith]

This isn't really much of anything outside of an image that's already been used a ton. It could make a nice base for something if it were expanded and perhaps injected with a little more to make it stand out. We all know that clouds are white and drift. Give us a unique description of them that doesn't involve the obvious. What are the children doing? Why are you watching them? These things will make this into something actually worth it.

Yeh thanks fish. I was actually working on expanding this eventually :]

This is just a start of a bigger poem i have in my head, yet can't find the right words to put it into paper and make a vast, solid poem out of it.

If you read my other poems i've posted recently they're much better than this i feel.

Thanks though!