Should I Come Clean--- would it matter?

[takeashot]

Alright, this is a bit of a tricky situation but, for some reason, it has been eating me alive the last couple days. I'll try to remain as brief as possible.

Last year (about 14 months ago), my girlfriend and I broke up. Basically, I was lashing out at her, acting irritable all the time, and, seeing this about half way through the shit storm, I decided that I would try to get her to break up with me to relieve myself of the guilt of doing it to her.

This may sound stupid but it was a matter of circumstance. For the three years prior to our relationship (and during our relationship), I had been an off-and-on cocaine/seroquel addict (the seroquel, like heroine, used as a downer). When I first quit, my withdrawal personality symptoms destroyed my relationship with my then-girlfriend. Later, during my next relationship, i started using again....which, surprise, ruined that relationship. None of the girls EVER knew that I was a drug abuser....they just assumed I was a crazy prick and/or douchebag.

So to spare her the hurt of having to go through the motions of my drug addiction, I tried to force her off the ship before it started sinking further.

I am 10 months sober now. However, she now hates me and has hated me since. The confident, clean-cut, well-liked guy she met turned out to be, from all appearance, a weird, overly emotional douchebag. She now seems to see herself above me. (My image as a clean-cut A-crowder would also be tarnished by the disclosure of my three-year drug addiction to coke)




So, my question: do you (girls' opinions especially valued) think admitting to my past ways and explaining the downfall of our relationship get her, at least partially, back into my life? Or would it only make things worse and make me seem like an even bigger jerk?

[takeashot]

By the way, I'm 19 and she is 17...so immaturity could factor into the equation.

[AlexEnglish]

well try explaining it to her in a way like this.

Hey, its me. ive been doing a lot of thinking and ive also done some changing about who i am and what i let define me. after a long while, ive figured out what has worked for me and what hasnt. i feel like your one of those things that was a better part of my life and youre an amazing person. ive had some inner personal demons, and ive worked on them and ive solved what was causing the growing rift in our relationship. I really want to give us another try. Even if it just means being friends for a while, i would be perfectly fine with just having a mutual friendship, but i would love having you back in my life.

[takeashot]

Nothing? not even flaming?

[jagermeister]

Just be honest dude. These things happen for a reason. You're not a bad person, you just made some terrible choices in the past and no one can blame you for that except yourself. You say you're clean and seem to have come to terms with your problems of the past so as long as they remain in the past and you can admit them totally honest to your girlfriend things should work out. If they don't then she isn't worth it and isn't 'the one'!

[hamish.]

Girls love that shit, man. Tell her you need saving or something.

[TeamAllison]

Seriously, be honest with her. You don't have to go into gruesome detail about your addiction, but if you really care about her she deserves to know the truth. Sure, it's going to be a while afterward to build up that trust again, but at least your relationship wont be founded on lies. And...to put it bluntly, don't fuck up. You're clean now and that's good, so stay that way. That's the only way she'll ever learn to trust you again.

Good luck with that, I know all too well what you're going through right now and it's a shitty fucking situation.

[BryterJonah]

Chicks, man.
(http://im12andwhatisthis.com/)

[bung]

Unless you're really, truly, and wholly in love with this girl, just move on.

edit: Oh, and I know man.. that tight, succulent high school pussy is so tempting, but it just ain't worth it in the long run.

[zion the lion]

What the hell? I take seroquel and it's not much of a downer...at all. And I take amphetamine which is close enough to cocaine, hmmm ironic.

[speakhandsforme]

I think the seroquel is used to settle the up...ness of the coke after the initial rush. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it used to regulate bipolar disorder and schizo?

[AndrewIcex]

Shitty situation, I agree with some of the posts here, honesty can go the distance with this one I think.

[zion the lion]

I think the seroquel is used to settle the up...ness of the coke after the initial rush. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it used to regulate bipolar disorder and schizo?

Uh...it's a mood stabilizer, and you take it with prozac or some other anti-depressant if youre bipolar. I think all you need for schizophrenia is an anti-psychotic, unless youre schizoaffective...

[bung]

I could eat a whole slew of farm animals after taking some Seroquel. :/

shit makes you hungry as all hell. and yes, it is a downer.

[SincerelyMe]

What do you hope to gain by telling her?
If you want to tell her because you think it will get her back, I say bad idea. Because honestly, I don't think coming clean will be enough to make her jump back into your arms.

If you want to tell her because you think she has a right to know what was going on, etc. Go for it.

[caress me down]

Just be honest dude. These things happen for a reason. You're not a bad person, you just made some terrible choices in the past and no one can blame you for that except yourself. You say you're clean and seem to have come to terms with your problems of the past so as long as they remain in the past and you can admit them totally honest to your girlfriend things should work out. If they don't then she isn't worth it and isn't 'the one'!

This is one of the best answers you'll get in here

[Reaver]

What do you hope to gain by telling her?
If you want to tell her because you think it will get her back, I say bad idea. Because honestly, I don't think coming clean will be enough to make her jump back into your arms.

If you want to tell her because you think she has a right to know what was going on, etc. Go for it.

excatly what I was thinking. you can start with this

well try explaining it to her in a way like this.

Hey, its me. ive been doing a lot of thinking and ive also done some changing about who i am and what i let define me. after a long while, ive figured out what has worked for me and what hasnt. i feel like your one of those things that was a better part of my life and youre an amazing person. ive had some inner personal demons, and ive worked on them and ive solved what was causing the growing rift in our relationship. I really want to give us another try. Even if it just means being friends for a while, i would be perfectly fine with just having a mutual friendship, but i would love having you back in my life.

but only the bolded part, then continue with explaining the details with all those drugs and that you didn't want to hurt her any more. tell her, that you are clean now and that you are really sorry for acting so unfair to her. say that you hope, she may forgive you some day.

then, after she thought about that for a while and you eventually have a talk again, you may add that you still miss her and never really wanted to leave her. and that you feel like a total idiot.

and maaaaybe things will arrange, but don't hope for too much.

[abbysmith]

Just be honest dude. These things happen for a reason. You're not a bad person, you just made some terrible choices in the past and no one can blame you for that except yourself. You say you're clean and seem to have come to terms with your problems of the past so as long as they remain in the past and you can admit them totally honest to your girlfriend things should work out. If they don't then she isn't worth it and isn't 'the one'!
I think this is the best advice that can be given for the situation. If she is right for you, she will forgive you.

[piglet]

anal?

[lovely864md]

If you're looking to get her back, it's probably not going to happen. But if you're looking for some peace of mind for her and yourself, then do it. Honestly I think she deserves to know, but it's not going to change the fact that you did the things you did, and she's probably moved on by now.

[killerswells]

anal?

thank you.

[thespearkid]

Tell her the truth. Couldn't hurt, right?

[brentkid]

Probably won't completely salvage any sort of relationship or friendship but it certainly may give both of you some piece of mind.

[fadedmemories]

Chicks, man.
(http://im12andwhatisthis.com/)
A+ for The Soup reference

[bigblue2015]

Everyone is being way too nice in this thread.

[Kassie09]

You can go ahead and tell her but if my ex boyfriend had been a huge dick to me, broke up with me over a year ago, then called me up and told me it was because he had been addicted to drugs but is now sober, I'd probably just be like "That's nice." and hang up. Tell her, but don't expect to re kindle your relationship.

[takeashot]

You can go ahead and tell her but if my ex boyfriend had been a huge dick to me, broke up with me over a year ago, then called me up and told me it was because he had been addicted to drugs but is now sober, I'd probably just be like "That's nice." and hang up. Tell her, but don't expect to re kindle your relationship.

That's nice.