My first song posted

[neverenough]

Ok. Here is a verse I wrote today. I am going to start a band, so tell me what you think.

I am just a girl,
And you are just a boy,
But together we can be
Beautiful. Beautiful.

So please, baby, give me a try.
So please, baby, give me a try.

I working on more though. But this is the chorus.

[thespearkid]

DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS.

x

[newtothis]

hahahaha. ok.

[The Personist]

I see your song and raise you a wind chime, OP. You should mow lawns more.

[Mike Smith]

Ok. Here is a verse I wrote today. I am going to start a band, so tell me what you think.

I am just a girl,
And you are just a boy,
But together we can be
Beautiful. Beautiful.

So please, baby, give me a try.
So please, baby, give me a try.

I working on more though. But this is the chorus.

Hahahahah this sounds like a rejected Avril Lavigne song

Sorry buddy, but if you're looking for a good song, then you might eant to throw this one out and go back to the drawing boards.

I see your song and raise you a wind chime, OP. You should mow lawns more.

Lmao Art. I agree though, definitely don't quit your dayjob.

[Animalhill]

Ok. Here is a verse I wrote today. I am going to start a band, so tell me what you think.

I am just a girl,
And you are just a boy,
But together we can be
Beautiful. Beautiful.

So please, baby, give me a try.
So please, baby, give me a try.

I working on more though. But this is the chorus.
FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKIIII IINNNNNNNGGGGGGG Horrible.

[The Personist]

Guys, don't feed the troll.

Instead, have the troll mow the lawn. In the rain.

[neverenough]

Why are you being so mean? It is just a verse. Plus, I love Avril Lavigne!

[The Personist]

Either make a phone call or go out to lunch. There's too much lamppost pedagogy going on.

[ohLOOKitsLEAH]

... :|

Those lyrics really have no depth, which kinda turns me off of them, a bit.

HOWEVER, I think they'd be really good with some sort of bouncy, happy music.
I dunno. Just add a ukulele or something to them, and you'll be set.

[beazer32]

I am just a girl,
And you are just a boy

could i make it aaaanyy more oooobviouuuus

[newtothis]

could i make it aaaanyy more oooobviouuuus

Peas and carrots would have been a better metaphor. It would have given it some poetic technique.

[beazer32]

Peas and carrots would have been a better metaphor. It would have given it some poetic technique.

actually i was just singing Sk8ter Boi haha... but i'm always up for a good food metaphor.

[newtothis]

actually i was just singing Sk8ter Boi haha... but i'm always up for a good food metaphor.

One of my top awkward moments ever involved a food metaphor gone wrong. haha.

[OveriseFan]

One of my top awkward moments ever involved a food metaphor gone wrong. haha.

Story or it didn't happen.

[thespearkid]

Story or it didn't happen.
hahahaha. So, Kathleen is pretty innocent and doesn't get a lot of the dirty jokes that are let loose around her. So one night, she's talking to a friend of hers (I was in the room, half-awake) and her friend makes a food metaphor of some kind. Kathleen tries to make one back but doesn't quite think it through before she says it.

"I'm like peanut-butter. If you spread me, I'm smooth." The other chick and I crack up and Kathleen's just like, "What did I say?" I had to explain it to her.

[newtothis]

I see Dion beat me to it...

[thespearkid]

That is my second favorite awkward moment from you.

[newtothis]

That is my second favorite awkward moment from you.

I'm glad I amuse you.

[beazer32]

love is in the air

[thespearkid]

love is in the air
You're going to make her blush haha.

[newtothis]

You're going to make her blush haha.

already done.

[The Personist]

This thread is super awkward.

[newtothis]

This thread is super awkward.

yes.

[The Personist]

This thread is super duper awkward now
That spearkid and his lady newtothis
Are posting all their intimate secrets
On this AbsolutePunk forum tonight.

^
Blank verse, motherfuckers!

[newtothis]

This thread is super duper awkward now
That spearkid and his lady newtothis
Are posting all their intimate secrets
On this AbsolutePunk forum tonight.

^
Blank verse, motherfuckers!

not all the secrets. trust me. haha.

[The Personist]

not all the secrets. trust me. haha.

Why must you burst my bubble here
with such an awful comment, dear?
Now I won't sleep tonight at all
For fear of such dreadful recall!

[newtothis]

Why must you burst my bubble here
with such an awful comment, dear?
Now I won't sleep tonight at all
For fear of such dreadful recall!

To burst your bubble gives me joy
And is all part of a clever ploy,
To rob you of a good night's rest
Putting your patience to the test.

[The Personist]

To burst your bubble gives me joy
And is all part of a clever ploy,
To rob you of a good night's rest
Putting your patience to the test.

Alas, I slept for far too long this morn
And I have work in but a paltry flash,
But I would like to reenter this thread
And tell you how ridiculously crass
You have been.

[newtothis]

Alas, I slept for far too long this morn
And I have work in but a paltry flash,
But I would like to reenter this thread
And tell you how ridiculously crass
You have been.

You think to show your art of words
By quoting all my posts of late.
Nevertheless I have to say
I do respect your trifling lack
Of subtlety.

[The Personist]

You think to show your art of words
By quoting all my posts of late.
Nevertheless I have to say
I do respect your trifling lack
Of subtlety.

But sadly, now, I must depart
For I have work--I've got to start
Getting dressed and driving there
So that I'm not late.

[newtothis]

Alas, I slept for far too long this morn
And I have work in but a paltry flash,
But I would like to reenter this thread
And tell you how ridiculously crass
You have been.

But sadly, now, I must depart
For I have work--I've got to start
Getting dressed and driving there
So that I'm not late.

I hate to find your latest rhyme
Is wordy and a waste of time,
For don't you think work is cliche?
Poets live on what they say.

[The Personist]

I hate to find your latest rhyme
Is wordy and a waste of time,
For don't you think work is cliche?
Poets live on what they say.

But words I say just cannot pay for all
That an apartment and a car ask for,
And since I need somewhere that I may call
My home in the fall, I must be a whore
Of the corporate ilk.

[newtothis]

But words I say just cannot pay for all
That an apartment and a car ask for,
And since I need somewhere that I may call
My home in the fall, I must be a whore
Of the corporate ilk.

To end a phrase with a preposition
Is juvenile and shows the poopage
you make of grammar,
which shows the gentle droopage
of your poetic and corporate career.

[The Personist]

To end a phrase with a preposition
Is juvenile and shows the poopage
you make of grammar,
which shows the gentle droopage
of your poetic and corporate career.

I do believe you are denying me
The simple license that all poets ask
To have bestowed to them so that the task
Of making clever phrases doesn't seem
Impossible.

[newtothis]

I do believe you are denying me
The simple license that all poets ask
To have bestowed to them so that the task
Of making clever phrases doesn't seem
Impossible.

Yet, increasingly often
some "poets" find that discovering
Clever phrases causes one to be cross, and
Wouldn't you rather let your heartsong
Create instead of discover?

[The Personist]

Yet, increasingly often
some "poets" find that discovering
Clever phrases causes one to be cross, and
Wouldn't you rather let your heartsong
Create instead of discover?

This does not rhyme; therefore, I win.
Please try sometime to play again
This game that you have failed here
To play while to the rules, adhering.

[newtothis]

This does not rhyme; therefore, I win.
Please try sometime to play again
This game that you have failed here
To play while to the rules, adhering.

It seems you have yet failed to see
The instances shown obviously,
of indirect and internal rhyme; you know I
Win. Go back to the kitchen one more time.

[The Personist]

It seems you have yet failed to see
The instances shown obviously,
of indirect and internal rhyme; you know I
Win. Go back to the kitchen one more time.

It matters not, how indirect your rhymes may be,
For I have mastered rhythms far better than thee.

[newtothis]

It matters not, how indirect your rhymes may be,
For I have mastered rhythms far better than thee.

Reduced to couplets, you slimy fool.
I should hit your head with a bar room stool,
For not realizing my true potential,
For my rhymes are the quintessential
work of a master.

[The Personist]

Reduced to couplets, you slimy fool.
I should hit your head with a bar room stool,
For not realizing my true potential,
For my rhymes are the quintessential
work of a master.

But soft! How could you change the rules around?
This contest was about the rhyme AND rhythm, too!
But you've these ramifications eschewed
And so I must now pound you to the ground!

[newtothis]

But soft! How could you change the rules around?
This contest was about the rhyme AND rhythm, too!
But you've these ramifications eschewed
And so I must now pound you to the ground!

The rules. The rules! When were they created?
What are these objects of scorn you've manipulated?
How can you win a game you imagined
Without telling the other player of your legions of laws?

[The Personist]

The rules. The rules! When were they created?
What are these objects of scorn you've manipulated?
How can you win a game you imagined
Without telling the other player of your legions of laws?

So you've abandoned all the rules?
May I send you to dine with fools?
I s'pose that you can say "Begone with these!"
But that makes this thing seem a breeze...

[Duexy]

Go!

[newtothis]

So you've abandoned all the rules?
May I send you to dine with fools?
I s'pose that you can say "Begone with these!"
But that makes this thing seem a breeze...

Ok, alright, explain these rules,
I seem to have lost the handbook.
Give it to me and I'll show you how cool
my work is when you give it a look.

[The Personist]

http://absolutepunk.net/showthread.php?t=66773

The rules.

[newtothis]

hahahahahahhahahahaha. Wasn't expecting that.

[carramrod2005]

Why are you being so mean? It is just a verse. Plus, I love Avril Lavigne!
haha wrong site