The Force

[Mike Smith]

This is a semi-funny free verse poem with a hidden message. You may or may not understand what the message is, because i used Star Wars things as the Metaphors. But hey, everyone is always telling me to expand, surprise and think of something fresh and new for a certain topic, and i feel i did this with this free-verse poem. Criticism is definitely welcome. So please tell me what i can improve on and what you like.

Thanks!


The Force; A powerful thing it is
You can choose how to use it
Will you use it for the side of light?
The Jedi know no love, hate or anger
With them it's all peace, knowledge and harmony
There will be no death when there is the force


Will you use it for the darkness?
Peace is non existent in our eyes
And with each kill, I gain strength.
As strength grows, so shall my power
And with this power I come out victorious
Through victory mine eyes see no boundaries


So make your choice and pick a side
For both are calling out your name
Which side do you want to choose?
Shall it be everlasting light?
Or shall it be the neverending darkness?
Whichever you choose is up to you
Just make sure you choose wisely

[thespearkid]

First of all, kudos on stretching yourself. You're getting the point in this sense. The best thing you can do is find original ways to present your ideas and you're getting there. What you need to work on now is making your presentation a little more original as well. Keep writing.

[Mike Smith]

First of all, kudos on stretching yourself. You're getting the point in this sense. The best thing you can do is find original ways to present your ideas and you're getting there. What you need to work on now is making your presentation a little more original as well. Keep writing.

Thanks spear. Appreciate the comment.

You say i did a good job at stretching myself and stuff, but you also said i need to make my presentation a little more original?

I just have to ask, not to start a fight, but i'm curious as to what you mean. How is this piece i've written not an original spin on something? This has an underlying message. I'm not sure if you understood or got the message while reading, but if you didnt maybe i can explain and have you understand better?

[thespearkid]

Thanks spear. Appreciate the comment.

You say i did a good job at stretching myself and stuff, but you also said i need to make my presentation a little more original?

I just have to ask, not to start a fight, but i'm curious as to what you mean. How is this piece i've written not an original spin on something? This has an underlying message. I'm not sure if you understood or got the message while reading, but if you didnt maybe i can explain and have you understand better?
The presentation is pretty cool and kinda original but the idea itself is very common (whether to choose light or dark) and you don't go very in depth with it. You're on the right track, like I said, but you just have to even further with it.

[Mike Smith]

The presentation is pretty cool and kinda original but the idea itself is very common (whether to choose light or dark) and you don't go very in depth with it. You're on the right track, like I said, but you just have to even further with it.

Lol actually, to be quite honest, people told me to put my own spin on a poem that i had written earlier(The road less traveled)

So this is kind of my own spin on The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.

It also has another underlying meaning though. You guys told me to make a better poem about the whole God subject and Adam and Eve and temptation and stuff, So i chose to write a poem like this. Which talks about temptation in a metaphorical way that some of you might not have caught(If you read)

But yeah. Im glad you think i'm on the right track and i'll definitely keep it up.

[newtothis]

Hey! I agree that you are definitely stretching yourself. Kudos! The idea is good. You are taking something like good and evil and relating it to Star Wars made me smile. I do think you could go more into depth. Don't limit yourself to two stanzas. Right now, it feels rather like you are brushing to surface of an issue that is really deep. Take your ideas and explore them. Expand on them. You could even make it more personal if you want. Good start.

[Mike Smith]

Hey! I agree that you are definitely stretching yourself. Kudos! The idea is good. You are taking something like good and evil and relating it to Star Wars made me smile. I do think you could go more into depth. Don't limit yourself to two stanzas. Right now, it feels rather like you are brushing to surface of an issue that is really deep. Take your ideas and explore them. Expand on them. You could even make it more personal if you want. Good start.

Thanks new

Appreciate the input as well.

Take a look at my other poems i've put up and give me input on those if you can as well

All of this helps me immensely...You dont even know!