PDA

View Full Version : Boo Bear


newtothis
06/20/09, 09:00 PM
This is the name of my own teddy bear when I was little. I dedicate this poem to her.

From earlier than the time of gel pen and braces,
And before all affection for boys and their cooties,
Each little girl wore her heart on her sleeve for her tiny admirer.
The one that has hair in the most unusual of places, and stitches where
An arm typically is located, and chopped off lace
Around the neck, not quite hiding the balding head.
Two rounded lobes that heard the tears
And words to which no one was privy,
One beady eye that watched and waited and roved
And faded as the years grew longer than the skirts
In the closets and the paws grew chill in the igloo of youth.

For every child adores her padded pink friend
Who extends a paw around the neck of
Each little girl, alone in her house and sobbing
About her lost job and dying dreams and
Wishing to live in the igloo of youth
Where no poopage or garbage can ever
Remain, and each mound of fluff stays exactly the same.

newtothis
06/20/09, 09:02 PM
David, the word poopage is for you.

The Personist
06/20/09, 09:08 PM
I would almost like this better if you took out the direct mentions of the teddy bear and made it more ambiguous. That would be really cool/funny, like that Of Montreal song that Kevin wrote for his cat.

newtothis
06/20/09, 09:12 PM
hm. I will alter it now. better?

The Personist
06/20/09, 09:18 PM
Change "Bearfriend" to "friend," perhaps, and maybe just omit "bundle of fur" for "friend" or some other such word, because I see this reading a lot better without us knowing it's about bears. BUT keep bear in the title.

newtothis
06/20/09, 09:25 PM
Change "Bearfriend" to "friend," perhaps, and maybe just omit "bundle of fur" for "friend" or some other such word, because I see this reading a lot better without us knowing it's about bears. BUT keep bear in the title.

ok. edited. :D

I also notice no mention of "poopage." Sadness.

The Personist
06/20/09, 09:39 PM
Poopage = poetic gold.

newtothis
06/20/09, 11:10 PM
Poopage = poetic gold.

why thank you. I had to rise to the challenge. Overall, what do you think of the piece?

The Personist
06/20/09, 11:22 PM
why thank you. I had to rise to the challenge. Overall, what do you think of the piece?

I like it. It's cute. It doesn't pretend to be anything lofty or deep, and it's very heartfelt. I think you described the bear nicely, too. I think the poem succeeds exactly where it should.

It made me smile, which is nice, because I had a rough day.