Love

[thecurerocks182]

Hey, I'm not sure if anyone remembers me, but oh well. I haven't written anything in almost a year, but I find myself with a lot of free time lately after moving to a very desolate area where there is nothing ever to do. I hope people like it. It came to me in a very stream of consciousness kind of way.


I was a ghost in your town
The kind that made no sound
And all their faces and names

Passed like light through my body

So, I learnt your secrets
And I learnt about truths
I was an eye in the storm
I was an ear to your rescue
The things I heard them say
The things I saw you do

So, I learnt your failures
And I learnt about pain

But I’m sorry
You can’t love
If you can’t love yourself
Yeah I’m sorry
You can’t love
If you can’t love yourself





I was that mirror in your room
The one you painted all blue
Afraid of what I might say

But I still whisper in your skull

So, I learnt your hatred
And I learnt about dismay

I was that sharp, sudden noise
The light on the back of your eye
You writhed and you swayed
In the house where they eat

So, I learnt your weakness
And I learnt about fears





Well, I’m sorry
You can’t love

If you can’t love yourself

Yeah I’m sorry
You can’t love
If you can’t love yourself




I was the wincing kin
As you dropped out of sight
Swallowed by the abyss

It stretched its mouth for your bed


So, I learnt your selfishness
And I learnt about loss


I was that letter they found
Succinct and morose
I am all apologies
An endless source of adieus
But if I cannot love myself
If I cannot love myself
If I cannot love myself
If I cannot love myself
Then why die trying?


But now your dad’s an alcoholic
And your mother talks to pictures
Your brother dreams of traffic
And your friends feel orphaned


So, I learnt about love
But you never learnt a thing


And now, you’re stuck in an elevator
Wide eyed with the world
You don’t talk, you just stare
At all the love you left

[Jabble524]

I like the stream of conciousness approach. I think it worked for this particular piece. My only criticism would be that some parts seemed somewhat repetitive. Repetition is a very tricky thing. It can either successfully drive home the message, or it can become redundant and stale. For example:

"But if I cannot love myself
If I cannot love myself
If I cannot love myself
If I cannot love myself"

To me, this is just very stale and redundant, and really disrupts the solid stream of conciousness flow you had going.

[thecurerocks182]

Thanks a lot for reading and critiquing. I very much appreciate it. I agree completely with the redundancyof the above line; however, theres personal connection to it. I know that is a poor excuse, but most my writing is a therapeutic outlet for me. It makes more sense though as a song, which this piece is. If it helps any or you are curious, I have posted this on myspace at http://www.myspace.com/atroposmar . Once again thanks. I didn't think anyone was going to comment. I noticed you have something written, so I'll give it a read when I have a good amount of time to really look it over. Thanks.

[punk89]

I just wanted to say that I really like these lyrics, and the music is top-notch as well.

[thecurerocks182]

I just wanted to say that I really like these lyrics, and the music is top-notch as well.
Thanks a lot. I find it hard to believe that people enjoy my songs, but my friends encouraging me to post them. Nevertheless, it's the most amazing feeling when someone says they enjoy it. Thanks again.