Addicted to being Desperate

[starter]

This is my first song ever! I know it needs some work. But can you guys point out the parts that just sound plan bad? Thanks!



I hope this is the last time you cross my mind.
I’m still wishing to forget about you.
The funny thing is I wasn’t supposed to like you,
And you knew it too.
I want this to be over,
tired of this.
I’m calling it over.

I ask you and you say you can’t. <-----(this is the chorus)
You tell me not to be so desperate.
I can’t stop now, I’m an addict.
You and me together always ticked.

You led me to believe an illusion,
And the worst part is, I believed it.
I fell flat on my face.
I asked for a hand, but you just watched.
Even after all of my bloodshed.
It’s making me sick.
Hurry and make this quick.

Your still here? Leave while you can
Before you get me addicted again
Remember all the memories you picked.
Now you can see what it means to be desperate

You tell me not to be so desperate
I try and fail but I can take it.

[punkpixie]

Well since you already seem aware that this is not that good of a song I'll just say this: try being less cliched. Seriously. Be as original as you can be, if you have any writing skill it will shine through if you try to be a bit more interesting with your concepts.

[starter]

Well since you already seem aware that this is not that good of a song I'll just say this: try being less cliched. Seriously. Be as original as you can be, if you have any writing skill it will shine through if you try to be a bit more interesting with your concepts.
Yeah, the whole song is cliche-ish. It's hard to come up with good and smart lyrics.

[punkpixie]

Writing is a strange thing to try and give tips for. Personally I always write because I have to, I've just always been that way. I'm fascinated by thinking of weird phrases or the way that words sound together. If you have an enthusiasm then you can only improve.

[ArTkY_]

Read a lot, it helps your lyrics... that's what I do. As you increase the amount of literature you've read/watched/etc. you'll be more open to things and will improve a lot.