Sonnet I wrote for English class last year

[SilverWings]

Nervously, my dying light grows darker
My floorboards writhe with stone and fire
Between four walls, I clamber up my wretched spire
My own contrived Armada

It races down as fast as rock, my searing blood
A tragically beautiful collision; harken to the ground
My music, rubble, collates a mound
My own flame deluge of a second flood

My tomb betrays me, I lose my grip and heart, begin to stall
Falling, I carve my initials into the wall
And my skin begins to flake and chare
Though I may have been a ghost, I hope you remember me
But before I crash, for my moment of safety
I wish damnation upon the moons and stars

[matt_rawlings]

This was good. While some of the imagery is a bit too brash for my tastes (talk of blood) and some of the rhyming scheme was contrived and predictable, I can see why it is there and serves the purposes of the piece.

It definatly projects itself outward from a place far from most of the material around here these days. I loved the first and last lines as well.

[SilverWings]

Thanks dude. Yeah it's pretty simple, it was only homework, but my teacher really liked it. She even scoured the internet looking to see if I ripped it off someone else.

[fishingthe_sky]

This has some very good parts, the first and last line particularly, as was mentioned before. I wouldn't call this a sonnet, though. You have the rhyme scheme and number of lines down, but this isn't in iambic pentameter (the rhyme scheme is something you can eschew in modern sonnets, but not the number of lines or meter). My only big criticism is that the second stanza is a bit hackneyed, especially the first two lines. Great job, though.