PDA

View Full Version : third song by me please comment!!


Snowstorm
07/06/09, 09:50 PM
I hear a sound
This sound is foreign to me
I prepare my defenses
I muster what strength I have left

There are others with me
Others I must protect
Others that must protect me
All are tired, but we ready anyway

The sound grows nearer
The march of the enemy is now heard
We are all Warriors for the one and only
The beginning and the end

We get ready for another battle
This one we know we will see darkness
But the sun rise is another matter
Our hopes are few

Truly, our only hope is in convincing them
Our Enemy attacks with no reason
But we fight to defend ourselves
And to convince them otherwise

We rally forth to face this foe
The laugh at our size
We ready our weapons
And wait for them

Insults are thrown at us
We take them without retaliating
We speak of other matters
They spit in our direction

We do not wish to do battle
But they have other thoughts
They send a force equal to our size
And we prepare to do battle

A cry is heard from among their ranks
When suddenly the first group dies
We sign praises to him
We ask for strength

They send another force
The same size as ours again
We try to speak with them one more time
I notice doubt in some of their faces

We meet this new force
And two back away at the last second
The doubt etched on their faces
We beat the rest that was sent at us

I give a short speech to the rest of our foes
Some listen, some don't
A few leave the battle field
And a few run towards us, to help defend

We fellowship quickly
Then return to what we were their for
And see the whole enemy force move on us
We fall back to our original position

The enemy keeps on marching closer
We raise the Battle Cry
A small bunch of warriors of the One
Against many soldiers of the enemy

We would hold them back,
But only for a time
Their culture had no remorse for us
Our deaths were no futile, however

We cried out to the Might One
Our True Commander
And he indeed give use aid
And let a few of us get out

I was able to leave
A back way, to protect the new followers
They are now in heavy training
But will serve in the fullest capacity that they can

Our war continues
It may seem futile to those on the outside
We have lost, others say
But, true victory is when we actually see our Commander
For the rest of eternity.

Machu505
07/06/09, 09:58 PM
You sir are the new Dylan.

Eich696
07/06/09, 09:59 PM
Where is the part where you talk about fucking bitches, hoes, and that being all you know?

Snowstorm
07/06/09, 10:01 PM
so you guys like the song who is dylan muchu? aha

wewascontenders
07/06/09, 10:07 PM
bob dylan. :hitself:

Snowstorm
07/06/09, 10:13 PM
oh XD oops

GuitarR0cker1
07/06/09, 10:14 PM
Coheed And The Cambria is that you?

Brokenhill
07/06/09, 10:24 PM
Your inconsistencies make me raise a brow.

Machu505
07/06/09, 10:29 PM
I played this in my head as spoken word, narrated by some commanding voice with spastic but solemn guitar solos in the background.

Is this correct?

Snowstorm
07/07/09, 12:25 AM
yes it is lol

wtfTouchMyBalls
07/07/09, 01:31 AM
what the fuck?

thespearkid
07/07/09, 01:38 AM
it's a political punk song...

eliselovesmusic
07/07/09, 01:40 AM
We rally forth to face this foe
The laugh at our size

I like this part :-)

It's pretty good, but I'm kinda craving some more metaphoric/similie stuff just to give it that extra boost.

If you want some in depth constructive critisicm post your stuff in the lyrics/poetry forum. I find alot of useful advice in there.

Keep on writing though! Are you seriously 14yrs????

Snowstorm
07/07/09, 01:48 AM
thirteen actually 14 in september XD

thespearkid
07/07/09, 01:54 AM
thirteen actually 14 in september XD
There is a forum for lyrics/poetry. This should be posted there. David, Kathleen, Kevin, others, and I will gladly rip it to pieces once it's moved haha.

eliselovesmusic
07/07/09, 01:59 AM
thirteen actually 14 in september XD

haha wow keep up the good work!

There is a forum for lyrics/poetry. This should be posted there. David, Kathleen, Kevin, others, and I will gladly rip it to pieces once it's moved haha.


Damn I miss posting in this forum.... I've been writing heaps so I don't know why I haven't sought the constructive critisicm of the superior writers of AP :-|

thespearkid
07/07/09, 02:02 AM
Damn I miss posting in this forum.... I've been writing heaps so I don't know why I haven't sought the constructive critisicm of the superior writers of AP :-|
the entire forum seems to have been hit with writer's block, all at the same time actually. david posted a really nice acrostic about a week back and kevin did a couple of critiques this afternoon but other than that, it's been quiet in there the past few weeks.

eliselovesmusic
07/07/09, 02:04 AM
the entire forum seems to have been hit with writer's block, all at the same time actually. david posted a really nice acrostic about a week back and kevin did a couple of critiques this afternoon but other than that, it's been quiet in there the past few weeks.


haha really?

Da-yem I'll get a postin' then!

Genuma
07/07/09, 10:07 AM
oh my god, this has to be fake.

Snowstorm
07/07/09, 12:44 PM
how you mean fake ?