Shake Me

[j0rdansl0ver]

Tonight I'm just left here waitin'
Tryin' hard to stay calm, no hatin'
Can't rest this distress I'm contemplatin'
Wanna disappear this fear, this achin'
I'm tired of sitting here
Tired of the unclear
Not knowin' wear I'm goin'
Or who will be near
Tired of lookin' for someone
And runnin' from fear
Wishin' you were here
Wishin' you would just come back home
Show me what you want and what you know
I've been lookin' all along
But everything's been so wrong
Like I hear just another song
A sad song about everything so broken
No more faith or love, no more hopin'
My heart can't do this anymore
It's like an empty room with an ever open door
Waiting for something good, something sure

I'm waiting
for someone
to show me
what i've done
to wake me
from this slum
to shake me
to find love

(im working on the rest... but i wanted to feedback first to know if this was a completely fail or not.)

[fishingthe_sky]

Honestly, I stopped reading halfway through, when I realized that every single -ing word was spelled -in'. These sorts of colloquialisms work when your speaking, but never translate well into writing. Other than that, this sounds no different from any RnB top 40 song.

[southerndrawl]

I thought the -in' ending was the only thing going for this, actually. This sounds almost identical to Hands Held High by Linkin Park or maybe even Where'd You Go by Fort Minor. Like the guy above said... it's just another top 40 song. To put it harshly, in my opinion it is a fail.

[j0rdansl0ver]

Thanks for your honesty! =)