Hey, Baby, Don't You Know I'm Afraid Too?

[Burn_Burn_Burn]

This is a song from my debut album, "Sincerely, Barbarians" to be published under the project name "An Impasse." To be recorded this summer. Feedback is not only requested, but appreciated!

[As a note: It is a duet. "L" is the female singer in the song, "N" is me (male), and "U" is unison, or singing together]

L- As the sun comes over a sleepless night
N- (I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid.)
L- As the clouds come over a sunny day.
N- (I am afraid. I am afraid.)

N- As I look at you through brand new eyes,
L- (I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid.)
U- As we spend all night rambling on about how
We're not afraid.
L- We are not afraid.

U- Keep looking for a silver lining on the clouds
But even we can't look that hard together
Keep breathing for that irresistible smell
L- Like a needle within ten haystacks
N- Like a car within ten parking lots
L- Like our hearts within our chests
(Shouted: N- Like our hearts within our chests!)

U- Like our hearts within our chests.

L- As the speakers blare over an empty field
N- (I'm not afraid. We are not afraid.)
L- As our thoughts run all over ourselves
U- We are very afraid! Oh so very afraid!

U- Keep looking for a silver lining all over the clouds
But even we can't look that hard together!
Keep breathing for that irresistible smell
(L- But it's tough to even tell.)
U- Like a needle within ten haystacks
Like a car within ten parking lots
N- Like our hearts within our chests
U- Oh, like our hearts within our aching chests!!

As we run over the path to light
We cover it up, what a fright.
Because everyone has their own path to find
Everyone has their own path to find!

U- Keep looking for a silver lining on the clouds
But even we can't look that hard together
Keep breathing for that irresistible smell
L- Like a needle within ten haystacks
N- Like a car within ten parking lots
L- Like our hearts within our chests
(Shouted: N- Like our hearts within our chests!)
Like our hearts within our chest.

Oh, like our hearts within our aching chests!!!

[fishingthe_sky]

This reminds me of old Anniversary lyrics, and the indications of dual vocals makes this feel moreso that way. The whole metaphoric conceit in the chorus doesn't quite work. You're using these similes to denote what exactly? The difficulty to find the silver lining of what? These lyrics don't work together to build a cohesive theme or idea, but seem like they've been placed together for some tangential relationship to one another. It's only made more unclear by your flip flopping between "We are afraid" and "We are not afraid."

[Burn_Burn_Burn]

It's only made more unclear by your flip flopping between "We are afraid" and "We are not afraid."

To explain myself more lucidly, the verses are meant to exhibit a form of parallelism. The character embodied within the song is unsure with his life and both earthly and emotional possessions. He is bad with decisions. He is at a constant crossroads. This is where the structure of "I'm not afraid / I am afraid" comes into play.

The whole metaphoric conceit in the chorus doesn't quite work. You're using these similes to denote what exactly? The difficulty to find the silver lining of what? These lyrics don't work together to build a cohesive theme or idea, but seem like they've been placed together for some tangential relationship to one another.

What I was trying to denote in the chorus was the forced independence of the character due to his distrust and uncertainty. The bleakness of the statement "Keep looking for a silver lining on the clouds / But even we can't look that hard together" just merely states that although he has what makes him happiest in life, his sense of having no direction renders it void from the very beginning.

I hope this helped you understand.

-Nate

P.S. I have never heard of the Anniversary, but I will be sure to check them out.