_Mort_
07/09/09, 09:06 AM
Hello guys
So i've written something down, and ehrm, I'd like some feedback on it!
I've seen some really good poems and lyrics here on this forum already, and for me it's really hard to judge
whether what I've written is any good at all. So feedback would be very much appreciated, 'cause I'm quite curious about it. At times I think it's pretty good, at times I barely dare read it because I think it's so horrible.
English is not my native language so don't be too harsh on me please.. :p
Song is called The March:
I do not know where I should go
Haunted by echoes from long ago
Between my feet, the yellow sand
The fading sun above my head
And all that has been left behind
The fragments of my soul and mind
Hidden in a home long gone
Grimly, I keep marching on
Behind far horizons lies, unseen
The salvation to my misery.
Those I left, those, I lost..
And the pain of what it has cost..
But the waves of time crash overhead
There’s nothing left to be said
My promises are long foregone
Weeping, I keep marching on
Endless desolace that stretches out
My skin is parched from the drought
But this march is sacred, it’s how I begin
The atonement for my one great sin
What I did, I cannot undo
But I will join them in a life anew
Me, the lost and wayward son
Determined, I keep marching on
So i've written something down, and ehrm, I'd like some feedback on it!
I've seen some really good poems and lyrics here on this forum already, and for me it's really hard to judge
whether what I've written is any good at all. So feedback would be very much appreciated, 'cause I'm quite curious about it. At times I think it's pretty good, at times I barely dare read it because I think it's so horrible.
English is not my native language so don't be too harsh on me please.. :p
Song is called The March:
I do not know where I should go
Haunted by echoes from long ago
Between my feet, the yellow sand
The fading sun above my head
And all that has been left behind
The fragments of my soul and mind
Hidden in a home long gone
Grimly, I keep marching on
Behind far horizons lies, unseen
The salvation to my misery.
Those I left, those, I lost..
And the pain of what it has cost..
But the waves of time crash overhead
There’s nothing left to be said
My promises are long foregone
Weeping, I keep marching on
Endless desolace that stretches out
My skin is parched from the drought
But this march is sacred, it’s how I begin
The atonement for my one great sin
What I did, I cannot undo
But I will join them in a life anew
Me, the lost and wayward son
Determined, I keep marching on