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SLADE775
02/27/06, 10:15 AM
The last song on the winter ep

There's no passion in your eyes, only desperation now

As this season is destroyed
We're just as wrecked - but perhaps
We rally in silent voids
To prolong this needed collapse
To let nature take It's course
We're now forced
To slowly approach old man winter
And ask him to show us the door out of here
He always responds with a sneer

There's no passion in your eyes, only desperation now
There's no pasaion in your eyes, only desperation now
There's no passion in your eyes, only desperation now
(Paniced screams, "PLEASE!")

There's no passion in your eyes, only desperation now
There's no passion in your eyes, only desperation now
There's no passion in your eyes, only desperation now
(We melt as one with the snow, this season's stripped us of all hope)

THERE'S
NO
PASSION
LEFT!
a speedo model
02/27/06, 11:08 AM
i really like this one, might even be my favorite of yours. good job.
SLADE775
02/27/06, 01:20 PM
i really like this one, might even be my favorite of yours. good job.

Thanks.
OveriseFan
02/27/06, 02:00 PM
Eh...

I'm not sure about this, I'll have another gander with it soon though.
SLADE775
02/27/06, 02:13 PM
Eh...

I'm not sure about this, I'll have another gander with it soon though.

Hmmm

Thoust take a gander up my frock?
OveriseFan
02/27/06, 02:18 PM
Hmmm

Thoust take a gander up my frock?

In song form, I'm sure it's great.

I like the first stanza, but the rest seems to be a little... juvenile? The screaming, so much repitition. I dunno, I'm sure in song-form it's fine, but on computer screen now, it's not doing that much for me at the end.

Be sure to have tons of emotion when you record this though, or else it will suck. And I'm talking Glassjaw emotional screams.
SLADE775
02/27/06, 03:30 PM
In song form, I'm sure it's great.

I like the first stanza, but the rest seems to be a little... juvenile? The screaming, so much repitition. I dunno, I'm sure in song-form it's fine, but on computer screen now, it's not doing that much for me at the end.

Be sure to have tons of emotion when you record this though, or else it will suck. And I'm talking Glassjaw emotional screams.

LOLZ

I understand.

I have not written music for this yet.
OveriseFan
02/27/06, 03:43 PM
LOLZ

I understand.

I have not written music for this yet.

To be honest, it almost made me think of an intelligent version of those kids that have

VERSE

I cut my wrist
To show my heart
But all I did
Was sit and fart

*SOLO*

Chorus

OHHHHHHHHH WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
DID IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIII

VERSE

*SOLO*

*SCREAM OUT*

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

OH KAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

RAAWRRRRRRRRRR
preppyak
02/27/06, 04:33 PM
As this season is destroyed
We're just as wrecked - but perhaps
We rally in silent voids

I like this part, I can see it being excellent in song form
SLADE775
02/27/06, 04:42 PM
To be honest, it almost made me think of an intelligent version of those kids that have

VERSE

I cut my wrist
To show my heart
But all I did
Was sit and fart

*SOLO*

Chorus

OHHHHHHHHH WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
DID IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIII

VERSE

*SOLO*

*SCREAM OUT*

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

OH KAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

RAAWRRRRRRRRRR

:shrugs:

What in the name of god are you talking about?
ArTkY_
02/28/06, 07:08 AM
:shrugs:

What in the name of god are you talking about?
James is stupid. And he's my lyrical competition.

This is not bad, but like he said, too much repetition. And yeah, be sure to have a lot of emotion in the song when recording, but not because it will suck if you don't, but because the lyrics have a lot of emotion.
SLADE775
02/28/06, 07:11 AM
James is stupid. And he's my lyrical competition.

This is not bad, but like he said, too much repetition. And yeah, be sure to have a lot of emotion in the song when recording, but not because it will suck if you don't, but because the lyrics have a lot of emotion.

It does have a ton of emotion.....and it's not like most songs.

I'll record all of them eventually.
Boring Pop Song
03/02/06, 03:59 PM
it's alright, but don't set it in stone. the idea is definitely there, just maybe be a little more patient
ArTkY_
03/02/06, 06:56 PM
It does have a ton of emotion.....and it's not like most songs.

I'll record all of them eventually.
I know, I like it.

I look forward to it. Is it gonna be acoustic or what?
SLADE775
03/03/06, 12:45 AM
I know, I like it.

I look forward to it. Is it gonna be acoustic or what?

Yeah....It's acoustic.
Darren McLeod
03/03/06, 01:06 AM
definitely get rid of the word sneer, or change the line "he responds with a sneer." it totally throws off the whole thing.

other than that, it looked pretty good.
SLADE775
03/13/06, 04:10 PM
bump