This Cold July

[oilguy]

This is the first song I've ever written, any comments, suggestions, criticisms or compliments are all very welcome. Thanks a lot for reading everyone.


However long this life goes on
Just know that I will never be gone
And when you decide to come back home
After I’ve been stripped past skin and bone
You know that I’ll be here for you
Come find your home, simple and true

Let it be known to the world below
Overcoming this torrential flow
Ever wishing for a feeling of my own
Before you my passion takes me into the unknown
Yet here I stand, not willing to risk the norm
Saying this to you, I no longer feel torn

Waiting for the moment
Wishing for the moment
Getting nothing done
Approaching a crossroads
My heart near explodes

Just see my side
Just give it a try

I’ve been staring for too long
My options may now be gone
Just hear me out and give me a chance
You caught my heart on my first glance
Life’s not fair
I’m more than aware
Just let me try
This cold July

[oilguy]

any comments at all?

[fishingthe_sky]

My biggest issue with this is that your rhymes are all very simple and obvious, not to mention at places you overuse one rhyming sound (first stanza is the biggest culprit). Go for something with more than monosyllabic rhymes, and try to vary the rhymes you use.