Forest fires across the seven seas

[tommy's ghost]

A cool horizon nestles close
Against the calm sky blue.
Ripples cut the royal hue,
Wrinkles on the veteran face
Of the constantly reborn ocean.
The waves are not inebriated,
They are not crashing.
The waves are high,
Touching their crests to
The jaded sand,
And alleviating its brusqueness.
The crotchety earth is seduced
By the whimsical water,
And it melts for her.
It lets go.
It drifts.
Loses itself within her complexion,
Liberated.

[tommy's ghost]

Any comments?

[Ryzenfall]

Ah poems about the ocean. How difficult and risky they are to write well because of how common and easy they are to write. This is a problem that I face too, because I have this perpetual fear and love of the ocean, and all my life I've been surrounded by it.

I liked the third line and the very end, but apart from that, I didn't really see much that was very unique about the piece. This isn't poorly written, but it just lacks something to make it stand apart from other poems that have been written about this same topic. I struggle to do this myself. But the system here will read and be remembered as something like:

(adjective) A.
(adjective) B.
A is (adjective)
A does (verb) to B
(adjective) C...

and so on. Which isn't wrong if you are trying to describe something you saw. But my guess is that you want to create an experience, not just for you but for the reader as well, and to do that you will need more than just base description.

[tommy's ghost]

Ah poems about the ocean. How difficult and risky they are to write well because of how common and easy they are to write. This is a problem that I face too, because I have this perpetual fear and love of the ocean, and all my life I've been surrounded by it.

I liked the third line and the very end, but apart from that, I didn't really see much that was very unique about the piece. This isn't poorly written, but it just lacks something to make it stand apart from other poems that have been written about this same topic. I struggle to do this myself. But the system here will read and be remembered as something like:

(adjective) A.
(adjective) B.
A is (adjective)
A does (verb) to B
(adjective) C...

and so on. Which isn't wrong if you are trying to describe something you saw. But my guess is that you want to create an experience, not just for you but for the reader as well, and to do that you will need more than just base description.

Hahahahaha. Sadly, I guess that's true. I just thought I'd take a more simplistic approach and try to apply it to my style. I guess I failed, though.

[Ryzenfall]

Hahahahaha. Sadly, I guess that's true. I just thought I'd take a more simplistic approach and try to apply it to my style. I guess I failed, though.

Simplifying is great. Keep doing it! I actually think that I relate more to simplistic poems than lofty ostentatious ones, but I guess it just feels safer to paint with the woo-hoo look at my syllables go! words. But of course, the end result has to be quality as is the rule with everything, and especially if you are writing with simple words about a common subject, it'll have to be pretty unique and potent.

I really liked your title for this, and i wished you did more with that motif, because it's a striking image.

[tommy's ghost]

Simplifying is great. Keep doing it! I actually think that I relate more to simplistic poems than lofty ostentatious ones, but I guess it just feels safer to paint with the woo-hoo look at my syllables go! words. But of course, the end result has to be quality as is the rule with everything, and especially if you are writing with simple words about a common subject, it'll have to be pretty unique and potent.

I really liked your title for this, and i wished you did more with that motif, because it's a striking image.

:-( I <3 lofty, ostentatious poems. I think the one cooking in my head is going to be a pretty decent mix of accessibility and depth. I hope I get down to writing it.

Edit: Oh and thanks a lot. I put some thought into its title.

[Ryzenfall]

:-( I <3 lofty, ostentatious poems. I think the one cooking in my head is going to be a pretty decent mix of accessibility and depth. I hope I get down to writing it.

Haha. Me too. I feel like poetry is somewhat of a dialogue, between the author and the reader's response, so if you have a lot to say, but it's trite and boring, it doesn't make for good communication. Worse is if you have nice ways to say basically nothing. Simple poems can do that/ the huge glitzy poems can do that.

I'll look for your next one.

[tommy's ghost]

Haha. Me too. I feel like poetry is somewhat of a dialogue, between the author and the reader's response, so if you have a lot to say, but it's trite and boring, it doesn't make for good communication. Worse is if you have nice ways to say basically nothing. Simple poems can do that/ the huge glitzy poems can do that.

I'll look for your next one.

Yeah, a unified and palletable theme is essential to a good poem; however, I have a fetish for expertly-applied literary devices, so I tend to wander into the pretentious at times. Haha.

And I'll look forward to your commenting.