Time For Plan B

[Chasing Suns]

Time For Plan B
Come what may, what will, and will not,
I'm tired of living a uncertainty,
sitting at the world chewing as my crumbs plummet,
I bite my tongue, flinch, and handle the pain,
didn't see that coming, did you?
the world left you teary eyed, and you bit your own flesh,
learn the world is the devil in all aspects,
and no ones life is a flawless plan,
because in life, everybody is a accident waiting to happen,
the one to stub their toe, the one to shatter one thousand mirrors, and the one to chew their tongue raw.

Tell me what you think, again. :)

[cris545]

too direct for my taste.

[SLADE775]

Time For Plan B
Come what may, what will, and will not,
I'm tired of living a uncertainty,
sitting at the world chewing as my crumbs plummet,
I bite my tongue, flinch, and handle the pain,
didn't see that coming, did you?
the world left you teary eyed, and you bit your own flesh,
learn the world is the devil in all aspects,
and no ones life is a flawless plan,
because in life, everybody is a accident waiting to happen,
the one to stub their toe, the one to shatter one thousand mirrors, and the one to chew their tongue raw.

Tell me what you think, again. :)


The bolded lines are the lines I don't like.

Grade - :(

It's plain, It's too short, It's got nothing to offer

[Chasing Suns]

Fair enough. Thanks for the honest opinion hah.

[Chasing Suns]

bump:!

[Boring Pop Song]

bump:!


you're not going to get feedback by not posting on others work. no one's going to care

[Boring Pop Song]

you're not going to get feedback by not posting on others work. no one's going to care

especially if you're new

[ArTkY_]

Ah, its boring. I only commented because your avatar is the Keywork.

[Gilbert Arenas]

could use some work

[Chasing Suns]

especially if you're new

Will do.

[apoemtothedead]

Time for plan shut-up

oh man i'm awesome.

[crit]

didn't like the first few lines. it started to get better, but i dont really like the last few lines. not bad at all, but could use some work.

[wyverna]

Time For Plan B
Come what may, what will, and will not,
I'm tired of living a uncertainty,
sitting at the world chewing as my crumbs plummet,
I bite my tongue, flinch, and handle the pain,
didn't see that coming, did you?
the world left you teary eyed, and you bit your own flesh,
learn the world is the devil in all aspects,
and no ones life is a flawless plan,
because in life, everybody is a accident waiting to happen,
the one to stub their toe, the one to shatter one thousand mirrors, and the one to chew their tongue raw.

Tell me what you think, again. :)


It doesn't seem very together. A little bit thrown together, like the lines are just random ones that you decided to put together to make a poem. It doesn't seem to flow. I don't know if I explained myself very well.

[SLADE775]

Time for plan shut-up

oh man i'm awesome.

hahahaha mark