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View Full Version : The End of the World, Or the End of the Midwest(short)


ImpulZe
03/13/06, 07:55 AM
Sunsets over the midwest go great with red wine
Bullets inside heart breaks are active in my mind
Living on ledges and dreaming of exits
or laughing at what you call a good time

As the Sun rises like the dead
the school girls all but fled
laughing down the slides they seen there fate
Storm warnings hit the town
the elder hide underground
Shreded and tore apart, without a second of a sound

SLADE775
03/13/06, 08:04 AM
You're not even old enough to buy porn let alone drink wine.

I didn't like this at all btw.

ImpulZe
03/14/06, 11:16 AM
psh non alchohlic wine...

SLADE775
03/14/06, 02:22 PM
psh non alchohlic wine...

hahahahaha

OveriseFan
03/15/06, 12:40 PM
Wait, how old are you?

Anyway, some of it's decent, but the staggered rhyme scheme in the 2nd stanza makes it hard to enjoy... Some good ideas, but not quite there yet.

a speedo model
03/15/06, 06:27 PM
yeah, parts of it are good but it needs some work. i actually really like the first verse. keep it up.

wyverna
03/16/06, 09:37 AM
I quite like it. It just sounds like it needs some work, I agree with OveriseFan.