Haunted Life

[edrinsane69]

Hiding behind the shadows
Covered by thick darkness
So dark that I just can’t see
My way out from this haunted life

Grabbed by the neck
Smothering me to death
Eyelids start to close
Darkness starts to grow

Forbidden dreams I wish would go away
Making me weak everyday
I try on looking up to reality
But it seems that not even a knock would
Made me see

Stand behind failures
Seem too impossible
For my knees are tied up
Tight on the ground

Hopes just flies around
Yet so hard to catch
I’ll just wait for it to land
Right here on my hands

[SLADE775]

You should try to add some originality.

And re-read this, as you'll find that you've made a few mistakes.

[edrinsane69]

What do you mean some originality, is that some kind of criticism???

[wyverna]

It's constructive criticism. It's not a very original idea, but I'm sure if you worked on it a little more than maybe you could do better.

[edrinsane69]

But that's what I just felt. C'mon I just spoke out what I felt...

[IAPAI]

You should try to add some originality.

And re-read this, as you'll find that you've made a few mistakes.

yeah.. throw in some combination of the words "past" "present" and "future" to make it extra original. That's definitely never been done before.

[edrinsane69]

Hey to all who's gonna comment...BTW I'm just 15 and out of my mind so a little consideration...But anyways thanks slade and wyverna for your comments...You just gave me a new idea. :D

[edrinsane69]

thanks.

[a speedo model]

it needs a lot of work. it sounds like it was written by a 15 year old kid. but keep it up, with time you'll get better.

[edrinsane69]

it sounds like it was written by a 15 year old kid.

I'm really 15, but thanks.

[SLADE775]

yeah.. throw in some combination of the words "past" "present" and "future" to make it extra original. That's definitely never been done before.

hahahaha

Don't be a moron.