Alton: 3774 Brick Street

[SLADE775]

Alton: 3774 Brick street

I’ve been drafting plans
To walk away from this
As if it never claimed my remittance
I’ve been haunting everyone
In hopes of
Sending them on the run
See when you can’t leave
You become hatefull and angry

I’ll play this piano
Til they leave my home
With sections of guilt still burning
I’m as much alive as I am yearning

During the first few days
You’re astounded by the way
That they stare straight thru your space
Any words fall on deaf ears
Compliance with being inside this
Burying all traces of valiance

I’ll play this piano
Til they leave my home
With sections of guilt still burning
I’m as much alive as I am yearning

After a while
You get used to the role
All at once take control
Like every second is compressed into one remaining chore
You become the draft that startles the course
You become the myth that made them turn home
You become the fright that’s never quite shown

[OveriseFan]

thru

hatefull

Come on...

Anyway, I find this to be incredibly bland, boring, childish stuff. The rhymes are forced, the writing doesn't have anything that draws me in.

Rating: :(

[reductiondesign]

I can't help but thinking that these rhymes are horribly cliche.

And your meter is unever, and that really bugs me.

[a speedo model]

it's not that bad, but you've done better.

[lucky_krystle]

I’ll play this piano
Til they leave my home
With sections of guilt still burning
I’m as much alive as I am yearning

I’ll play this piano
Til they leave my home
With sections of guilt still burning
I’m as much alive as I am yearning


i like these parts the best. its not bad, but the rhymes seem a little akward. i have seen you do lots better. keep it up though, i enjoy reading them.

[SLADE775]

thru

hatefull

Come on...

Anyway, I find this to be incredibly bland, boring, childish stuff. The rhymes are forced, the writing doesn't have anything that draws me in.

Rating: :(

hahahahaha

I'm sorry it's not about tween heartache....you give it a :) if it was.

[ArTkY_]

This is awful.

[preppyak]

I can't help but thinking that these rhymes are horribly cliche.

And your meter is unever, and that really bugs me.
hahahahaha

I'm sorry it's not about tween heartache....you give it a :) if it was.
well, at least you took the criticism well and didn't insult him for it :shake:

For how much you hate cliches, you relied on them throughout most of your rhymes. The only part I enjoyed was the chorus

[OveriseFan]

I can't help but thinking that these rhymes are horribly cliche.

And your meter is unever, and that really bugs me.

Yea, the meter was totally shitty.