Paperboy Calls It Quits

[parallelism]

paperboy calls it quits

a struggle;
an attempt to make, to create
a brand new pair
of words to dangle from,
to strangle your supply of forcefed air

you breathe;
you're underneath
a sheet of time,
pressure you fake and shut away
you turn around the face you wreck

with perfection that you've drawn
on your curtains
but you hide from the canvas
and the ink you use is a part of you
but the pen's just a trophy.

your heart's set on money,
your money's where my mouth is,
but your mouth hasn't a thing to say
about where, or who
you've been.





Or, www.purevolume.com/nickgauthier (http://www.purevolume.com/nickgauthier) if you prefer.
Thanks!

[reductiondesign]

Very well-written. Good job.

Great comparisons. I have nothing bad to say.

[lfdfforever]

really good, nice form

[cris545]

good first post, keep it up

[unwritten]

I like it a lot dude.

[parallelism]

Thank you all very much, haha, I was expecting to get torn up.

[a speedo model]

i like it. good job. keep it up.

[ArTkY_]

This is very good. But...

At times this just felt very... all over the place. And at times its a bit wordy..

Keep it up, but take that into consideration.