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BlackSheepBoy
04/03/06, 11:28 AM
in my Poetry Writing Workshop -318 class we're working on taking words/images that disgust us and trying to make a cohesive poem out of it. I've never posted in here before but here is what I'm submitting to the class. Let me know what you think.

His life is empty soda cans atop computer desks.
Filthy fingernails jack-hammer letter keys, leaving his oily
identification on the P-O-R-N ivories.

Yesterday’s tuna salad bowls prime
the pump like mucus down the back
of his strep throat.

Soot stained Jockeys meet jagged toe nails.
Perverse body hair and moist scabs are unveiled while
Bob Barker herds his showcase showgirls

The frame squeaks incessantly in anguish.
As pellets of sweat navigate white head pimples
and fresh face herpes, the futon cries rape.

a speedo model
04/03/06, 11:34 AM
it's not bad. i don't know, something just didn't do it for me. it was good but it just couldn't keep my attention.

BlackSheepBoy
04/03/06, 11:37 AM
not cohesive enough maybe? is it confusing, or just boring?

a speedo model
04/03/06, 11:45 AM
i didn't like the flow. i don't know, it just didn't grab my attention. it is good but just not my thing. keep it up though, you do have talent.

Boring Pop Song
04/03/06, 12:13 PM
yeah i don't know about this

BlackSheepBoy
04/04/06, 12:56 AM
more comments?