You and, by extention, I

[tommy's ghost]

at first Thought, it might've been the smirnoff or
it Might've been the fumes of the pet-shop shampoo that
Helped in the form of moon-emblazoned bubbles
rising In the dogs' carpeting like pumpkins in patches.
were they Living monuments of destined memories?
events that played Without any purpose
just to be remembered by You And, By Extension, I.

[The Personist]

You're 16 and you're drinking smirnoff?!

[tommy's ghost]

You're 16 and you're drinking smirnoff?!


Hahaha. I don't drink at ALL. It was just that night, and only because I have a severe soft-spot for green apple. You should see most of my friends. Borderline alcoholics, the lot of them.

[The Personist]

Hahaha. I don't drink at ALL. It was just that night, and only because I have a severe soft-spot for green apple. You should see most of my friends. Borderline alcoholics, the lot of them.

I'm in college. There are more of those kinds of people there than anywhere else. It's nuts.

at first Thought, it might've been the smirnoff or
it Might've been the fumes of the pet-shot shampoo that
Helped in the form of moon-emblazoned bubbles
rising In the dogs' carpeting like pumpkins in patches.
were they Living monuments of destined memories?
events that played Without any purpose
just to be remembered by You And, By Extension, I.

The capitalization seems utterly random and is a HUGE distractor. "At first thought" seems tacked on and unncessary, and do you mean "pet shop" instead of "pet shot"? "Moon-emblazoned" feels wordy and strikes me as a vague, forced idea. Overall, this doesn't really do much for me. It just doesn't hit me or have anything memorable about it. It doesn't flesh out enough of the story in the poem for me to get a sense of what's going on, so ultimately it's just a fragment of a half-interesting idea. :shrug: it feels very weak.

[tommy's ghost]

I'm in college. There are more of those kinds of people there than anywhere else. It's nuts.



The capitalization seems utterly random and is a HUGE distractor. "At first thought" seems tacked on and unncessary, and do you mean "pet shop" instead of "pet shot"? "Moon-emblazoned" feels wordy and strikes me as a vague, forced idea. Overall, this doesn't really do much for me. It just doesn't hit me or have anything memorable about it. It doesn't flesh out enough of the story in the poem for me to get a sense of what's going on, so ultimately it's just a fragment of a half-interesting idea. :shrug: it feels very weak.

I have various friends in college. Drinking's the least of it.

The capitalization is not random. Read attentively. I think I will have to expand this piece. I'm just not sure how.

[The Personist]

I have various friends in college. Drinking's the least of it.

The capitalization is not random. Read attentively. I think I will have to expand this piece. I'm just not sure how.

The capitalized words form a sentence fragment. The letters themselves spell nothing.

[tommy's ghost]

The capitalized words form a sentence fragment. The letters themselves spell nothing.

Would it work better if I italicized the words instead?

[The Personist]

Would it work better if I italicized the words instead?

I think it's kind of a pointless gimmick.

[classjaw]

This is really good. The sentence fragment is a hard hitting line.

[tommy's ghost]

I think it's kind of a pointless gimmick.


Well, fuck.

On a completely unrelated note, how do you feel about album 4?

[The Personist]

Well, fuck.

On a completely unrelated note, how do you feel about album 4?

Album 4 of what?

[tommy's ghost]

This is really good. The sentence fragment is a hard hitting line.

Thank you.

[tommy's ghost]

Album 4 of what?


The only Abum 4 that currently matters: The Matches'.

[The Personist]

The only Abum 4 that currently matters: The Matches'.

Oh. Brain fart.
I like it. The songs are interesting and show promise; however, the fact that it's just a collection of unreleased material means I can't really judge it as an "album," which is why I feel like it's not as good as it would be in that context. Were they to flesh it out into an album, it probably would have been on par with A Band In HOpe (which I loved, by the way).

[tommy's ghost]

Oh. Brain fart.
I like it. The songs are interesting and show promise; however, the fact that it's just a collection of unreleased material means I can't really judge it as an "album," which is why I feel like it's not as good as it would be in that context. Were they to flesh it out into an album, it probably would have been on par with A Band In HOpe (which I loved, by the way).

I agree. The song's are great, but I have a feeling that their next proper album would've been mind-blowing. It's just disheartening knowing there probably won't be one.

A Band in Hope is frustratingly underappreciated.

[The Personist]

I agree. The song's are great, but I have a feeling that their next proper album would've been mind-blowing. It's just disheartening knowing there probably won't be one.

A Band in Hope is frustratingly underappreciated.

It's a hiatus! There's hope!

/heartbroken

[tommy's ghost]

It's a hiatus! There's hope!

/heartbroken

Haha. I'm too cynical for hope.

/cool

[The Personist]

Haha. I'm too cynical for hope.

/cool

Hopeless Romanticism is cooler than cynicism.

/I wish this girl liked me

[tommy's ghost]

Hopeless Romanticism is cooler than cynicism.

/I wish this girl liked me

lol

/inching his way to 1,000 posts.

[The Personist]

lol

/inching his way to 1,000 posts.

I'm sorry I hijacked your thread with my girl troubles.

[tommy's ghost]

I'm sorry I hijacked your thread with my girl troubles.

This witty banter is more interesting than my poem.

Just show her your poetry. She'll go ape-shit.

[The Personist]

This witty banter is more interesting than my poem.

Just show her your poetry. She'll go ape-shit.

Maybe. I dunno. It was more tolerable when she DIDN'T know I existed.

[tommy's ghost]

Maybe. I dunno. It was more tolerable when she DIDN'T know I existed.

It always is. Is it platonic or...?

[The Personist]

It always is. Is it platonic or...?

Kinda, haha. She's going to be a sophomore and I a junior this coming year. We're both theater majors, but we never really talked until this summer...on Facebook. I am notorious for my snide remarks on people's statuses and stuff, and she and I started talking after one particularly epic and hilarious comment I made. Or something, I dunno. Anyways, we're very much alike and she 's smart and cute and all that fun stuff, but we've only talked...3 times, I think, on the internets, and I don't even have her number, which only makes me feel somewhat worse, and I just hope I don't fuck everything up once I go back to school and actually see her. My ex is also insane and a theater major, so any move I make EVER (like, if I scratch my nose) is going to be something she flips a shit about. Pursuing any sort of potential relationship at all, let alone within the same department, is going to be suicide. I should write a note, I guess.

[tommy's ghost]

Kinda, haha. She's going to be a sophomore and I a junior this coming year. We're both theater majors, but we never really talked until this summer...on Facebook. I am notorious for my snide remarks on people's statuses and stuff, and she and I started talking after one particularly epic and hilarious comment I made. Or something, I dunno. Anyways, we're very much alike and she 's smart and cute and all that fun stuff, but we've only talked...3 times, I think, on the internets, and I don't even have her number, which only makes me feel somewhat worse, and I just hope I don't fuck everything up once I go back to school and actually see her. My ex is also insane and a theater major, so any move I make EVER (like, if I scratch my nose) is going to be something she flips a shit about. Pursuing any sort of potential relationship at all, let alone within the same department, is going to be suicide. I should write a note, I guess.

Haha. Damn, I hate unstable ex's. The girl sounds like a catch, though. I love it when you can sustain an intellectual conversation with an at least mildly attactive girl. Those are hard to come by 'round these parts.

Anyways, go for it. As long as your ex doesn't start sharpening her knives, nothin' should hold you back.

[The Personist]

Haha. Damn, I hate unstable ex's. The girl sounds like a catch, though. I love it when you can sustain an intellectual conversation with an at least mildly attactive girl. Those are hard to come by 'round these parts.

Anyways, go for it. As long as your ex doesn't start sharpening her knives, nothin' should hold you back.

Exactly my thinking!

Also: happy 1K!

[tommy's ghost]

Exactly my thinking!

Also: happy 1K!

Oh shit! Thanks. I thought that was my 999th. I never thought my 1k would be on my iPhone.

[The Personist]

Oh shit! Thanks. I thought that was my 999th. I never thought my 1k would be on my iPhone.

Hahaha...my 9,999th post was in the God debate thread arguing with Jason Tate.

[tommy's ghost]

Hahaha...my 9,999th post was in the God debate thread arguing with Jason Tate.

Whoa. Doesn't get more epic than that.

Well, I'm about to see Julie and Julia and people are giving me disapproving glances. So, I'm off.

[The Personist]

Whoa. Doesn't get more epic than that.

Well, I'm about to see Julie and Julia and people are giving me disapproving glances. So, I'm off.

Haha, enjoy!

[Emil De Leon]

Well, Tom...I'm somewhat disappointed that I'm one of your "borderline alcoholic" friends...not really. I like the little bit you wrote, 'tis very good, but I'm going to have to agree with The Personist about the random capitalization. What the hell, man?

[MinionOfBoredom]

"Thought might've helped in living without you, and by extension I"

Third word/first line; second word/second line; first word/third line; second word/fourth line; third word/fifth line; fourth word/sixth line; and fifth word/seventh line

are the two things that I saw in the capitalization.

Eh, I'd drop it. I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon and say that weaving things in the lines like that is a) gimmicky and b) over with. Sure, Poe got away with it, but that's because he was Poe.

at first Thought, it might've been the smirnoff or
it Might've been the fumes of the pet-shop shampoo that
Helped in the form of moon-emblazoned bubbles
rising In the dogs' carpeting like pumpkins in patches.

As a whole, I think that the wording is more poetic than the actual metaphor. As much as I'm for making simple things poetic, and as much as I can see the smell of shampoo (and Smirnoff! :P) as a catalyst for attraction, the whole image of washing a dog doesn't click well with me.

were they Living monuments of destined memories?
events that played Without any purpose
just to be remembered by You And, By Extension, I.

The first line is okay, but nothing striking. The second line sounds like a lyric that some scene band would throw into one of its songs. The last line wraps everything up pretty nicely, but not much more than that.

You're 16 and you're drinking smirnoff?!

...oops.

Also, I guess it's no coincidence that most great poets have such chaotic love lives. This is why I've given up pining away over a single person, and swing around with several. Vices, vices, vices...but hey, poems come out of them, too.

[The Personist]

Maybe. Everyone has chaos in his love life; poets just state the obvious and make it pretty.

[tommy's ghost]

"Thought might've helped in living without you, and by extension I"

Third word/first line; second word/second line; first word/third line; second word/fourth line; third word/fifth line; fourth word/sixth line; and fifth word/seventh line

are the two things that I saw in the capitalization.

Eh, I'd drop it. I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon and say that weaving things in the lines like that is a) gimmicky and b) over with. Sure, Poe got away with it, but that's because he was Poe.



As a whole, I think that the wording is more poetic than the actual metaphor. As much as I'm for making simple things poetic, and as much as I can see the smell of shampoo (and Smirnoff! :P) as a catalyst for attraction, the whole image of washing a dog doesn't click well with me.



The first line is okay, but nothing striking. The second line sounds like a lyric that some scene band would throw into one of its songs. The last line wraps everything up pretty nicely, but not much more than that.



...oops.

Also, I guess it's no coincidence that most great poets have such chaotic love lives. This is why I've given up pining away over a single person, and swing around with several. Vices, vices, vices...but hey, poems come out of them, too.

Ouch. Being compared to a scene band. My pride has been violated.

[tommy's ghost]

Maybe. Everyone has chaos in his love life; poets just state the obvious and make it pretty.

Don't simplify it like that. You're making us look less complicated and intriguing.

[The Personist]

Don't simplify it like that. You're making us look less complicated and intriguing.

Quips like mine get the girls. Seriously.

[tommy's ghost]

Quips like mine get the girls. Seriously.

Tell her your quips. She'll go ape-shit.

[MinionOfBoredom]

Ouch. Being compared to a scene band. My pride has been violated.

Haha, when I read that line, I just imagined some eyeliner clad dude trying to sound deep and sing -- er, whining out something to that extent. For what it's worth, though, I like the stylistic change in this poem from your previous ones.

Quips like mine get the girls. Seriously.

As does apathy. Seriously.

...it makes me kinda sad that they'd rather be with a guy who cares less rather than more about them. I don't get it...

[The Personist]

Haha, when I read that line, I just imagined some eyeliner clad dude trying to sound deep and sing -- er, whining out something to that extent. For what it's worth, though, I like the stylistic change in this poem from your previous ones.



As does apathy. Seriously.

...it makes me kinda sad that they'd rather be with a guy who cares less rather than more about them. I don't get it...

You're only 16. You'll learn.

[tommy's ghost]

Haha, when I read that line, I just imagined some eyeliner clad dude trying to sound deep and sing -- er, whining out something to that extent. For what it's worth, though, I like the stylistic change in this poem from your previous ones.

Well, thanks. I try to keep things from getting stale. How'd you like the newest one?

[The Personist]

Well, thanks. I try to take David's advice about verbiage.

Fixed, son.

[tommy's ghost]

I sure miss Dorian's Webster masturbatory-sessions.

We all do.

[The Personist]

Thanks, David, for helping me grow as an artist.

Welcome.

[tommy's ghost]

Welcome.

Well, I won't deny that.

[The Personist]

Well, I won't deny that.

And I won't deny that eczema is a bitch. I just scratched my wrist so much I drew blood. Shit.

[tommy's ghost]

And I won't deny that eczema is a bitch. I just scratched my wrist so much I drew blood. Shit.

Holy shit, that looks horrible (/wiki'd). Is it, like, a recurring rash?

[The Personist]

Holy shit, that looks horrible (/wiki'd). Is it, like, a recurring rash?

Skin condition. It blows.


UGH. I want to write but am failing because I can't organize my thoughts.


You should listen to the Mountain Goats. Also, do you have AIM? I send you albums?

[tommy's ghost]

Skin condition. It blows.


UGH. I want to write but am failing because I can't organize my thoughts.


You should listen to the Mountain Goats. Also, do you have AIM? I send you albums?

Wow. That sucks.

Hurry up and organize them! It's been much too long since you've posted anything.

No AIM, Messenger. Don't worry. I'll just torrent them, man. Thanks, though. I would, however, love to know which I should start with?

[The Personist]

Wow. That sucks.

Hurry up and organize them! It's been much too long since you've posted anything.

No AIM, Messenger. Don't worry. I'll just torrent them, man. Thanks, though. I would, however, love to know which I should start with?

My favorite is The Sunset Tree. It's a beautiful album. I'd also recommend Tallahassee. It's easier to do the less lo-fi ones first, then progress to the older, equally genius, less accessible stuff. But seriously, Darnielle is so fucking consistent that it doesn't matter; EVERYTHING I've listened to so far is great.

[tommy's ghost]

My favorite is The Sunset Tree. It's a beautiful album. I'd also recommend Tallahassee. It's easier to do the less lo-fi ones first, then progress to the older, equally genius, less accessible stuff. But seriously, Darnielle is so fucking consistent that it doesn't matter; EVERYTHING I've listened to so far is great.

Awesome. I'm definitely excited to hear them. I'll torrent them tomorrow and let you know the verdict.

[The Personist]

Awesome. I'm definitely excited to hear them. I'll torrent them tomorrow and let you know the verdict.

I may be sans internet for a few days, but PM your reaction to me so I'm sure to see it! I have high hopes.

[The Personist]

So, Dorian...Mountain Goats? Yea? Nay?

[tommy's ghost]

So, Dorian...Mountain Goats? Yea? Nay?

I'm just NOW going to torrent them. I had a HUGE biology outline to do yesterday consisting of 15 pages.

[The Personist]

I'm just NOW going to torrent them. I had a HUGE biology outline to do yesterday consisting of 15 pages.

Yeah, and I dont' have internet in my apartment. Waaaah.

;-)

[tommy's ghost]

Yeah, and I dont' have internet in my apartment. Waaaah.

;-)

Hahaha. I was so frustrated. The assignment was akin to Hercules battling the Hydra.

Did you just move in?

[The Personist]

Hahaha. I was so frustrated. The assignment was akin to Hercules battling the Hydra.

Did you just move in?

Yeah, yesterday. No net 'til the 31st :-( I'm sitting in a building on campus. It's not as awesome as my apartment...though living in an apartment rules. Hey, when you start listening to TMG, you should take this conversation to their official thread in the Music forum. That thread needs a bump/conversation.

[tommy's ghost]

Yeah, yesterday. No net 'til the 31st :-( I'm sitting in a building on campus. It's not as awesome as my apartment...though living in an apartment rules. Hey, when you start listening to TMG, you should take this conversation to their official thread in the Music forum. That thread needs a bump/conversation.

I can't wait to move out.

Will do.

[The Personist]

I can't wait to move out.

Will do.

I hope to write some poetry tonight. I won't have any internet to distract me, haha.

[tommy's ghost]

I hope to write some poetry tonight. I won't have any internet to distract me, haha.

DO IT. By the way, I wrote a poem based off A Band in Hope whilst bored in Psych class. Want a PM preview? I still have to integrate three more songs.

[The Personist]

DO IT. By the way, I wrote a poem based off A Band in Hope whilst bored in Psych class. Want a PM preview? I still have to integrate three more songs.

YES PLEASE.

Dude, I need to get back to working on my Matches series. Seriously.

[tommy's ghost]

YES PLEASE.

Dude, I need to get back to working on my Matches series. Seriously.

Alright, let me type it up.

You definitely have to. I loved that one piece you did in prose some months ago.

[The Personist]

Alright, let me type it up.

You definitely have to. I loved that one piece you did in prose some months ago.

Were I to rate my own work, that would be in the top 10 things I've written so far. Seriously, I was so proud of it.

[tommy's ghost]

Were I to rate my own work, that would be in the top 10 things I've written so far. Seriously, I was so proud of it.

Haha. I remember when I tried to write an ode to Fall Out Boy. I look back on that phase and cringe.

The poem is comedy gold, though. So it wasn't all for naught, I suppose.

[sargentlgfuad]

they have IM for this.