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marbury1414
04/10/06, 06:24 PM
The other guitarist in my new band just wrote a song and the lyrics go like this:

Verse
In a dimly lit room
He thinks about the alchemy
The artists and their aftermath
And what else he understands

He's more than a man
He's more than this life
Because his grace travels fluidly
And fast to his hands

He’s writing about
The love he once lost
With prescriptions and poisons
She's the one he once forgot

He tries and tries
But the man cannot recall
Her face through the smoke,
The mirrors and it all…

Chorus
And it all falls down
Beautifully cascading
Past the 2nd story windowsill

And it all comes down
To believing again
That true love has no end

Verse
The song is just a gift
Bestowed gracefully on his lips
The words are mirror images
Of all the iceberg’s missing tips, Because the

Problems hit home
Full force every time
As the artists and the aftermath
Leave everything behind

aCe_
04/10/06, 06:49 PM
I really like this.

marbury1414
04/10/06, 06:51 PM
I really like this.

Thanks.

newfoundnorcal
04/10/06, 10:45 PM
i think it is very pretty.

SockMonkeyRiot
04/11/06, 12:02 AM
I liked the verses, but the chorus didn't really do anything for me

marbury1414
04/11/06, 12:13 AM
i think it is very pretty.

Gracias.

Kram41
04/11/06, 01:05 AM
The other guitarist in my new band just wrote a song and the lyrics go like this:

The song is just a gift
Bestowed gracefully on his lips
The words are mirror images
Of all the iceberg’s missing tips...

I really like that verse.

ArTkY_
04/11/06, 08:03 AM
This is really, really good.

marbury1414
04/11/06, 02:23 PM
This is really, really good.

I really like that verse.

:thumbsup:

a speedo model
04/12/06, 11:07 AM
it's good.

OveriseFan
04/12/06, 01:07 PM
Eh, it's decent I guess.

The problem is it doesn't stand out, 'wow me', or have something that actually affects me.

It's just kind of words.

The ideas also seem all over the place, and at times like you're just trying to make it sound pretty.

But keep on writing(or your band, rather) because you obviously could do some good stuff with more inspiration/time.

cris545
04/12/06, 07:55 PM
I really liked this, but I have to admit I was a bit bored at the beginning. The rest, especially the two last verses fixed it for me. Nice job.