am i shallow for rejecting a love that isn't physical?

[open mind]

there is a woman who loves me and my mind....she's done so for years (but i've never hinted that i was interested)......but i totally lack a sense of physical attraction to her no matter how much i respect her mind......does it make me a shallow dog to subtly reject her over and over?

[phil19]

no, i dont think so.
just be her friend. i think you're only shallow if you're not friends with her because of her looks

[open mind]

no, i dont think so.
just be her friend. i think you're only shallow if you're not friends with her because of her looks

you sure man? i've consistenly been gentle in rebuffing her advances....but i still can't help but feel a sick sense of responsibilty for the situation.

i don't want to come right out and say that i find someone who i consider a friend repulsive on a physical level..which is why i've held back on being so blunt...but i feel like i'm running out of ways to say no thank you that won't destroy our friendship.

[Russellmcdoogle]

just say you don't like her in that way. end of story. if she keeps trying then it's on her.

[phil19]

you sure man? i've consistenly been gentle in rebuffing her advances....but i still can't help but feel a sick sense of responsibilty for the situation.

i don't want to come right out and say that i find someone who i consider a friend repulsive on a physical level..which is why i've held back on being so blunt...but i feel like i'm running out of ways to say no thank you that won't destroy our friendship.

yeah im sure. i think that no matter how much you might dig her mind and personality, if theres no physical attraction then there's no point. i think love is when you accept someone fully, both their mind and their body. If you're only interested in one, then you're not in love and never will be.

Just tell her that you value her friendship a great deal and do not want to jeopardise that by getting into a relationship with her.

[piglet]

Anal.

[anthonydarko]

Stay friends, do nothing more.

[SincerelyMe]

Just tell her that you value her friendship a great deal and do not want to jeopardise that by getting into a relationship with her.

Whatever you do, don't say this. Everyone knows it's a giant load of shit.

[phil19]

Whatever you do, don't say this. Everyone knows it's a giant load of shit.

well its a lot nicer than saying she's butt ugly

[.invisible ink.]

there is a woman who loves me and my mind....she's done so for years (but i've never hinted that i was interested)......but i totally lack a sense of physical attraction to her no matter how much i respect her mind......does it make me a shallow dog to subtly reject her over and over?

yes, but everyone is entitled to finding someone that they are physically as well as mentally attracted to. it's human nature. sure, it would be nice if you could get over your issue with her looks but that doesn't seem realistic.

just say you don't like her in that way. end of story. if she keeps trying then it's on her.

sort of, but he should be able to elaborate and say he's really not attracted to her. sure that's painful but at least she'll get over it and won't keep unsuccessfully trying to win him over without realizing that there will never be a chance.

Whatever you do, don't say this. Everyone knows it's a giant load of shit.

agreed. total bullshit.

[SincerelyMe]

well its a lot nicer than saying she's butt ugly

If you lie like that straight to her face, she's going to get the hint.

[phil19]

If you lie like that straight to her face, she's going to get the hint.

isnt that what he wants though? for her to get the hint?

[SincerelyMe]

isnt that what he wants though? for her to get the hint?

I suppose. Harsh hint though.

[phil19]

I suppose. Harsh hint though.

maybe. but if it achieves the desired result...

[Hamlet]

isnt that what he wants though? for her to get the hint?

Exactly. Start with subtlety. Be 'busy' when she asks to hang out. Say you don't think of them 'that way'. If they don't take the hint, THEN hit them with the hammer. Actually, the most severe you would have to be is 'I don't find you attractive'. That's honest, not sugarcoated, not softened. Use it if you have to.

And to the OP, no you aren't shallow. Part of attraction is physical attraction. I have a friend who has a personality I'd like in a girlfriend, we like the same bands, have heaps in common... but she's overweight, and I'm not physically attracted to her whatsoever.

So what's love without lust?

Friendship. Exactly.

If you look at it the other way around, I have some smoking hot friends I would love to bang, but their personality and lifestyle is an absolute turnoff, and seeing myself in a relationship with them is impossible.

So yeah. Gotta have both.

And don't sell yourself short. Don't enter into a relationship that won't make you happy. Don't settle for a girl that you don't think is beautiful.

Go for the girl that YOU want.

[SanePsychotic]

You shouldn't feel bad. That's just how it works sometimes. Bummer for her though.

[bigblue2015]

Exactly. Start with subtlety. Be 'busy' when she asks to hang out. Say you don't think of them 'that way'. If they don't take the hint, THEN hit them with the hammer. Actually, the most severe you would have to be is 'I don't find you attractive'. That's honest, not sugarcoated, not softened. Use it if you have to.

And to the OP, no you aren't shallow. Part of attraction is physical attraction. I have a friend who has a personality I'd like in a girlfriend, we like the same bands, have heaps in common... but she's overweight, and I'm not physically attracted to her whatsoever.

So what's love without lust?

Friendship. Exactly.

If you look at it the other way around, I have some smoking hot friends I would love to bang, but their personality and lifestyle is an absolute turnoff, and seeing myself in a relationship with them is impossible.

So yeah. Gotta have both.

And don't sell yourself short. Don't enter into a relationship that won't make you happy. Don't settle for a girl that you don't think is beautiful.

Go for the girl that YOU want.


This, exactly.

[kaycey]

does she have any potential to look good?

[bigblue2015]

does she have any potential to look good?

Haha OP could be like Freddie Prinze Jr. in She's All That

[ted is lying]

Ever try a paper bag? JK just be like i'm not into you that way.

[timb89]

Haha OP could be like Freddie Prinze Jr. in She's All That

that girl turns out so hot!

and no your not shallow. cause that means i would be too.

[And Hours Pass]

yeah im sure. i think that no matter how much you might dig her mind and personality, if theres no physical attraction then there's no point. i think love is when you accept someone fully, both their mind and their body. If you're only interested in one, then you're not in love and never will be.

Just tell her that you value her friendship a great deal and do not want to jeopardise that by getting into a relationship with her.

I think that 99% of this is fantastic advice.

Whatever you do, don't say this. Everyone knows it's a giant load of shit.

This, however, makes up the important 1%. I definitely agree with this.

[Richard Maxim]

Tell her she is familiar In ways your not looking for.

[remedyeli]

"You're like a sister to me, I can't date my sister."

[kbi the crowing]

I don't think it's shallow

[songydarko]

Nope. If you're not attracted to who you're with, it won't go too far.

[bladerdude360]

I don't think so. Physical attraction is a big part of attraction in general and it' usually what you notice first about another person. Obviously t's possible to be attracted to someone who you don't find physically attractive, but you can't force it.

[phil19]

I think that 99% of this is fantastic advice.



This, however, makes up the important 1%. I definitely agree with this.

hahaha fair enough. im happy with 99%

[writeacliche]

Don't listen to the romcom bullshit. A good relationship needs to be solid physically as well as mentally and if you can't connect on both on some level then there isn't any point in pursuing that relationship.

[lonelysuperstar]

that girl turns out so hot!

and no your not shallow. cause that means i would be too.
she was always hot, even when she was supposed to be nerdy! i wish the nerds i know looked like that...

[phil19]

she was always hot, even when she was supposed to be nerdy! i wish the nerds i know looked like that...

hot nerdy chicks give me boners

[Chancetobe]

No, that's understandable. But it is mean to keep subtly rejecting her. You should do it flat out.

[timb89]

she was always hot, even when she was supposed to be nerdy! i wish the nerds i know looked like that...

true

[maxvsmaradona]

Ok, you can go about this situation two ways.

a) Just say "I'm not attracted to you. At all."
b) paper bag it.

[Jake Denning]

Haha OP could be like Freddie Prinze Jr. in She's All That

I'm gonna have to go with this piece of advice.

[Brand-new-123]

Exactly. Start with subtlety. Be 'busy' when she asks to hang out. Say you don't think of them 'that way'. If they don't take the hint, THEN hit them with the hammer. Actually, the most severe you would have to be is 'I don't find you attractive'. That's honest, not sugarcoated, not softened. Use it if you have to.

And to the OP, no you aren't shallow. Part of attraction is physical attraction. I have a friend who has a personality I'd like in a girlfriend, we like the same bands, have heaps in common, but I'm not physically attracted to her whatsoever.

So what's love without lust?

Friendship. Exactly.

If you look at it the other way around, I have some smoking hot friends I would love to bang, but their personality and lifestyle is an absolute turnoff, and seeing myself in a relationship with them is impossible.

So yeah. Gotta have both.

And don't sell yourself short. Don't enter into a relationship that won't make you happy. Don't settle for a girl that you don't think is beautiful.

Go for the girl that YOU want.

Just 1 more post and you're prestigious.

[Kassie09]

it's okay to care about the looks iif thats not all you're about and are looking for emotional connections too.. but i mean, the looks matter.

[saysmydoctor]

It's pretty much half the equation.

[bigblue2015]

What's love got to do, got to do with it?

[KingJohn_654]

Ok, you can go about this situation two ways.

a) Just say "I'm not attracted to you. At all."
b) paper bag it.

i seriously came in here just to say that.

[Miss Heartcore]

Ok, you can go about this situation two ways.

a) Just say "I'm not attracted to you. At all."
b) paper bag it.
LOLOLOL

[maxvsmaradona]

c) just pretend it's Halloween, and she's a super scary monster.

[limepomegranate]

There needs to be some amount of physical attraction for a relationship to start/work.

[ilikesound93]

You have to be physically attracted to the person in order for a relationship to happen. End of story.