My First love song :P comments welcome

[randomer no.1]

Everyday, is not a shinny day.
I wanna see you, you set my soul fire...

(First Part)

Olden days... were funny days, i gave up on perfection-until that day came- the day that i met you.

Ill go the distance, my heart is focused on you, I was always searching, but now my hearts focused on you!

You are the one, i love i would do anything... to see you smile because you are my everything.
You are my dream, my dreams they are so childish if only they were true ohh, i could be with you.

Thank you Sophie, will you be my shining star... I would give it all to be, alone with you...

You are so true and you turn my world blue and that's why i will go-oh, i go the Distance...

(Second part)

Oh girl i truly love you, i know we belong together, oh i have-always been searching,but now i've found you and you have found me, i look forward to memories...

You are my star so bright, i would go so far, to see you shine because-there truly is no par.

You are my dream, my dreams they are so childish if only they were true ohh, i could be with you.

If i was smart-I would have found you at the start, but it's to late, oh well it was a mistake, but now you know... why i choose to go-oh, oh why i choose to go-oh, because i love you oh so, because the flame in my heart sends me the Distance...

I finished writting it today, it was the first time i ever wrote a song and it is very lovey-dovey.
The "-" shows the next word follows on quickly.
It will most likely be hard to read without knowing the rhythm but all comments are appreciated.

[DEAD VEGGIE]

I hope your mother doesn't read this because she will have wished she would have got that abortion.

[TotalCollapse]

http://www.absolutepunk.net/forumdisplay.php?f=34

[Heart-A-Tact]

The definition of "shinny," as provided by the New Oxford American Dictionary: "an informal form of ice hockey played esp. by children, on the street or on ice, often with a ball or other object in place of a puck."

[maxvsmaradona]

Yo, get yo self in contact with K-Fed or Timbaland, and you got yoself a hit single, dawg.

/randyjackson

[xJesusFreakx]

The definition of "shinny," as provided by the New Oxford American Dictionary: "an informal form of ice hockey played esp. by children, on the street or on ice, often with a ball or other object in place of a puck."

Well, not every day is a good day to play shinny; you can't play that on your street when it's storming out.

[caveBEAR]

This-was-a-very-strange-post.


See? You can tell I meant to say it fast because I used "-" in between the words.

[Burn That Shit]

Fake account, not even remotely amusing.

[chipdip18]

Not a fan of people namedropping.... names in songs usually. Especially love songs. Other than that i was bored reading it.

[AP_Punk]

haha, "shinny day"

[chipdip18]

See, i thought a "shinny" was when you hit yourself in the shin and it has that lasting pain going on. And then you hit yourself again in the same spot a week later and it hurts twice as much.

[Burn That Shit]

Future reference for other fake accounts, you at LEAST have to live up to this guy:

http://www.absolutepunk.net/showthread.php?p=20759361#post20759 361
http://www.absolutepunk.net/showthread.php?p=20759301#post20759 301
http://www.absolutepunk.net/showthread.php?p=22540292#post22540 292

I mean, he sucks, but at least he's trying.

[hitormiss92]

I'd rather play shinny in a hailstorm than read your useless poetry

[MSIndulgence]

wut

[randomer no.1]

Ops typo got me a lot of flaming and thanks "MaxDaulerio (http://www.absolutepunk.net/member.php?u=690872)" lol. I change my mind flaming is unwelcome only positive criticism

[randomer no.1]

It is not really poetry by the way lol.I next time i'll think think twice before posting on a troll infested "punk" forum.

[OdeToTheSun]

Nice song... If you never want to get laid by whoever it was written for that is.

[anthonydarko]

At least it's better written than the Twilight series.

[timb89]

At least it's better written than the Twilight series.

Hey... comon now.

[reesa]

this is such a fail thread x) 'randomer no.1' haha awesome.

[The Personist]

Words! be sick as I am sick.

[JasonOne]

So innocent??

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