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iHATEapril
04/22/06, 05:33 PM
Here we go again. Please give me some opinions and please be respectful. I like this one a lot.


Everyone gets dressed up for this costume ball
only it's labeled different to attract us all
We come ourselves, but leave slightly twisted
Our lovers in mind, and hopes of dismissal
Come in a pair, leave half yourself
Accounts au contraire of the secrets we tell
They failed to mention upon the ticket
The one you come with is the price of admission

As your body moves to a pounding beat
Of your intentions you're completely sure
If were lucky, our eyes will meet
over the wooden dance room floor
And you'll forget all about trust
In this spell of jealous love
Oh but the pleasures we will endure
all in the hope of an anxiety cure

So as you run your body against his
Do you dream of escape?
Of the one you came in with?
Do you imagine how this could be different?
As his hands move down, you wish they wouldn't.
You come to realize as he touches your skin
The consequences of your action as he closes in
And as his arms lay into your partner
You're stricken with shock, let's hope he's no bleeder.

Her faint words barely reach his ears
As in that moment he confirms all her fears
As he turns and walks straight through the door
It grows a bit colder upon the dance floor

It's just dancing?
Is that all it is?

ArTkY_
04/22/06, 07:22 PM
As your body moves to a pounding beat
Of your intentions you're sure

Awkward transition from the first line to the second. Word that second one a bit better.

You're stricken with shock, let's hope he's no bleeder.

Best line in the song. Great stuff.

It's just dancing?
Is that all it is?

Perfect closer. You did a great job with this. :)

xglassjawx
04/23/06, 03:43 AM
That's pretty good. It'd sound great with something heavy.

iHATEapril
04/23/06, 09:16 AM
As your body moves to a pounding beat
Of your intentions you're sure

Awkward transition from the first line to the second. Word that second one a bit better.

You're stricken with shock, let's hope he's no bleeder.

Best line in the song. Great stuff.

It's just dancing?
Is that all it is?

Perfect closer. You did a great job with this. :)

Hey man, thank you very much. I'm gonna add a word to that second line, it does seem to lag a little bit. I'm thinking completely.

ArTkY_
04/23/06, 11:28 AM
Hey man, thank you very much. I'm gonna add a word to that second line, it does seem to lag a little bit. I'm thinking completely.
Yes, I like what you did with that. Good job. :thumbsup:

iHATEapril
04/26/06, 03:26 PM
4 replies is weak.

ben pequeno
04/26/06, 03:29 PM
i usually fucking hate people who do this...not this one though for some odd reason. good jorb.

iHATEapril
04/26/06, 03:30 PM
i usually fucking hate people who do this...not this one though for some odd reason. good jorb.

Thank you, what do you normally hate though?

ben pequeno
04/26/06, 03:32 PM
Thank you, what do you normally hate though? cliche bullshit that doesn't make any sense.

iHATEapril
04/26/06, 03:35 PM
cliche bullshit that doesn't make any sense.

I think it's pretty easy to figure out, but okay. Thanks I guess.

ben pequeno
04/26/06, 03:38 PM
I think it's pretty easy to figure out, but okay. Thanks I guess. i wasn't talking about yours?

iHATEapril
04/26/06, 03:39 PM
i wasn't talking about yours?

Oh, my bad. I misunderstood because you said I typically don't like stuff like this. Do you mean stuff in the lyrics forum in general?

a speedo model
04/26/06, 03:41 PM
i enjoyed that alot. very well-done. keep it up.

iHATEapril
04/26/06, 03:42 PM
i enjoyed that alot. very well-done. keep it up.

I really like you. You always have something positive to say.

ben pequeno
04/26/06, 03:44 PM
Oh, my bad. I misunderstood because you said I typically don't like stuff like this. Do you mean stuff in the lyrics forum in general? i was talking about the shit that someone posts in the general forum thinking it's good enough to be on the main page.

iHATEapril
04/26/06, 03:45 PM
i was talking about the shit that someone posts in the general forum thinking it's good enough to be on the main page.

Oh I gotcha

lyrics forum though?

Thank you very much though.

a speedo model
04/26/06, 03:51 PM
I really like you. You always have something positive to say.

thank you. yeah, i try not to be a dick to people. unless they just ask for it. but you're cool.