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View Full Version : Nurture Created Human Nature


ArTkY_
04/24/06, 03:31 PM
I wrote this about a day after I found out my friend got into a car crash and was in a coma... hence the first two lines. While the whole prose may not be about that, I was pretty upset and angry, so you can probably feel that through the piece. I feel like this is about human nature from the eyes of someone violent and falsely accused. I like it a lot, which is rare for me, but to each their own.

One day you're asking a kid how his weekend was
The next you're visiting his comatose body in a hospital bed
I swear I had nothing to do with it,
yet they continue to stare at me with their accusing eyes
One can only take so much.

Those faces,
as clear as an exploding bomb in my mind
were covered in fluorescent white lights
and painted with imaginary blood
I'm a fairly violent person, you see
We all are.

I feel its human nature to want to kill
the beast just has to be kept down
Until it bursts out one day and BAM!
You're labelled as a maniac, a killer
Not me, I'm a liar, a faker

One day, this will all be considered fact
and I'll be saying "I told you so,"
Until then I'll keep hoping and
maybe start going to some anger management classes

Fin.

My first prose type poem ever. Don't hate.

matt_rawlings
04/24/06, 03:40 PM
Thats really agressive but also quite powerful. Nice one

ArTkY_
04/24/06, 05:12 PM
Thats really agressive but also quite powerful. Nice one
Thank you. :)

lfdfforever
04/24/06, 05:15 PM
This is really good and I'm sorry about your friend, I hope he gets better.

ArTkY_
04/24/06, 05:57 PM
This is really good and I'm sorry about your friend, I hope he gets better.
Thanks.

xChasingsafetyx
04/25/06, 05:07 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your friend, man. But that was REALLY good.

Keep writing!

AntiSlade
04/25/06, 08:55 PM
good job ripping off thursday. it's not good.

ArTkY_
04/25/06, 09:02 PM
good job ripping off thursday. it's not good.
haha, what??? I didn't rip off Thursday at all in this. No Thursday influence at all...

a speedo model
04/26/06, 09:32 AM
good stuff.

wyverna
04/26/06, 10:03 AM
I really liked it. Good job. Very powerful.

OveriseFan
04/26/06, 02:39 PM
hahahaha.

Best ending line ever.

I dunno, I feel like this is incredibly forced, and some of it is just telling us flat out(i.e. the first two lines) It's boring, no one wants that, especially from prose.(Unless you're David Eggers, which you're not.) Unrelatable too. Silly theorizing with no backing.

Eh, I dunno, don't like it too much, sorry.

iHATEapril
04/26/06, 03:25 PM
I don't think it's your best. It's probably something you just had to say to feel better. It's okay though, you can do better.

ArTkY_
04/26/06, 06:56 PM
hahahaha.

Best ending line ever.

I dunno, I feel like this is incredibly forced, and some of it is just telling us flat out(i.e. the first two lines) It's boring, no one wants that, especially from prose.(Unless you're David Eggers, which you're not.) Unrelatable too. Silly theorizing with no backing.

Eh, I dunno, don't like it too much, sorry.
haha, that's my favorite line.

Thanks for your review of it, I prefer the negative comments to the positive.

ArTkY_
04/26/06, 06:57 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your friend, man. But that was REALLY good.

Keep writing!
Thanks man. And thanks for the comment.
good stuff.
Thank you.
I really liked it. Good job. Very powerful.
Thanks.
I don't think it's your best. It's probably something you just had to say to feel better. It's okay though, you can do better.
I can see that. Thanks for the comment.