In it for lust or love?

[Hannah_]

Something that always plays my mind is that do males only approach girls, ask them out etc only so it will resuly in sex? Like would they look at a girl and think 'I'd love to be in a relationship with her, to love her' or whatever or is sex the only object?
Most boys I know admit to be just in it for sex and say every male is like that.
What do males here think?

[phil19]

i think you cant generalise on this. but im pretty sure even the sweetest guy is thinking he'd like to bone you, even if thats not his main focus.

[Hamlet]

At first, yes, we are driven by lust. Everyone is. But then comes the part where you, you know, actually get to know the person. I've fallen in love with girls I didn't think were that physically attractive at first, and I've been turned off by smoking hot girls with idiotic personalities - once I've gotten to know them.

Like I said in another thread, attraction is both physical and emotional. I find it annoying how people separate the two. What, am I supposed to find a girlfriend that I have no interest in having sex with?

So I approach the girls I am physically attracted to, filter the ones I am emotionally attracted to, and pursue from there.

[maxvsmaradona]

Women are stupid, and I don't respect them. That's right, I just have sex with 'em.

/lajoie

[zion the lion]

I'm not a man, but of course its lust. You like someone because you're physically attracted to them at first, then you decide if the sex is worth dealing with them.

[Animalhill]

At first, yes, we are driven by lust. Everyone is. But then comes the part where you, you know, actually get to know the person. I've fallen in love with girls I didn't think were that physically attractive at first, and I've been turned off by smoking hot girls with idiotic personalities - once I've gotten to know them.

Like I said in another thread, attraction is both physical and emotional. I find it annoying how people separate the two. What, am I supposed to find a girlfriend that I have no interest in having sex with?

So I approach the girls I am physically attracted to, filter the ones I am emotionally attracted to, and pursue from there.
THIS.

[brenByah]

Women are stupid, and I don't respect them. That's right, I just have sex with 'em.

/lajoie

:lol: I love Lajoie.

[ohioforlovers]

It's not just men. Women think about it too, the physical attraction is what most couples have first, then once you get to actually Know the person you decide if they are just good for physical aspects or more than that.

[billyboatkid]

Love for me. But I'm thinking I might just be a dick from now on. It seems to make girls stay around longer than just being nice.

[Animalhill]

Love for me. But I'm thinking I might just be a dick from now on. It seems to make girls stay around longer than just being nice.
Yup. Isn't it nice when all of your idealism gets stomped the fuck out of you?

[billyboatkid]

Yup. Isn't it nice when all of your idealism gets stomped the fuck out of you?

Oh man. I know Exactly what you mean. I hate women some time.

[Animalhill]

Oh man. I know Exactly what you mean. I hate women some time.
I hear that brother. I hear that. Happened to me when I was 18.

[billyboatkid]

I hear that brother. I hear that. Happened to me when I was 18.

Me too, and then the little faith I had left in them just got crushed about a week ago. Now I'm a zombie and all I want is puuuuuussssssyyyy lol jk

I could never be like those guys who just sleep with girls, but whatever. I've learned my lesson for good now.

[Kaleidoscope]

Love for me. But I'm thinking I might just be a dick from now on. It seems to make girls stay around longer than just being nice.

indeed.

[zion the lion]

Love for me. But I'm thinking I might just be a dick from now on. It seems to make girls stay around longer than just being nice.

Flirt with other girls around me, treat me like shit around your friends, cheat on me, smack me around a little bit, and do that whole act like I dont exist thing for a week, and as long as you beat the shit out of some guy for me and give me a little hint that you like me...and I'll stick around.

it's a sad, pathetic, honest to god truth, and I wouldnt admit it if anybody in this thread knew me.

[Animalhill]

Me too, and then the little faith I had left in them just got crushed about a week ago. Now I'm a zombie and all I want is puuuuuussssssyyyy lol jk

I could never be like those guys who just sleep with girls, but whatever. I've learned my lesson for good now.
Well, thats me. :wave:
Even so, I am always on the search for the woman that was written for me.

[kbi the crowing]

you don't know if you want a relationship unless you know the person at least a little
physical attraction gets things going, whether it be sex or not

[.invisible ink.]

Flirt with other girls around me, treat me like shit around your friends, cheat on me, smack me around a little bit, and do that whole act like I dont exist thing for a week, and as long as you beat the shit out of some guy for me and give me a little hint that you like me...and I'll stick around.

it's a sad, pathetic, honest to god truth, and I wouldnt admit it if anybody in this thread knew me.

haha, you sound so much like me!

i doubt i'll ever completely grow out of being this self-deprecating unfortunately.

[billyboatkid]

Flirt with other girls around me, treat me like shit around your friends, cheat on me, smack me around a little bit, and do that whole act like I dont exist thing for a week, and as long as you beat the shit out of some guy for me and give me a little hint that you like me...and I'll stick around.

it's a sad, pathetic, honest to god truth, and I wouldnt admit it if anybody in this thread knew me.

Hhahaha You are now my new favorite. First girl to ever just tell the straight up truth. They love to beat around the bush.

Well, thats me. :wave:
Even so, I am always on the search for the woman that was written for me.

haha nice. Don't get me wrong, I wish I could but can't. That's good tho good luck man, I know we could all use it.

[brenByah]

Flirt with other girls around me, treat me like shit around your friends, cheat on me, smack me around a little bit, and do that whole act like I dont exist thing for a week, and as long as you beat the shit out of some guy for me and give me a little hint that you like me...and I'll stick around.

it's a sad, pathetic, honest to god truth, and I wouldnt admit it if anybody in this thread knew me.

At least you're being honest, but allowing guys to treat you like that shows a huge lack of self respect. No matter how much you like someone you should always maintain a shred of dignity.

[zion the lion]

haha, you sound so much like me!

i doubt i'll ever completely grown out of being this self-deprecating.

I'm just glad my friends havent caught on to the fact that I give them the best relationship advice and never use it for myself. Like I've been crying every hour or so for the past two days because of a guy, and I'll be the first to admit that if he calls me in the next 20 minutes, I'll go over to his place and do what we usually do at his place.

Hhahaha You are now my new favorite. First girl to ever just tell the straight up truth. They love to beat around the bush.

Yay I'm someone's favorite, and you're my favorite for me being your favorite.

[.invisible ink.]

I'm just glad my friends havent caught on to the fact that I give them the best relationship advice and never use it for myself. Like I've been crying every hour or so for the past two days because of a guy, and I'll be the first to admit that if he calls me in the next 20 minutes, I'll go over to his place and do what we usually do at his place.


i think that's usually how relationship advice works. we all know exactly how we *should* be but to follow our own advice takes a strength that most don't have.

[ohioforlovers]

Love for me. But I'm thinking I might just be a dick from now on. It seems to make girls stay around longer than just being nice.

Your only 20, girls generally date more ass holes in high school and early 20's, but when you meet that one girl who you want to spend your life with, she'll appreciate that your not an ass hole. Dick's are only good for one night stands!! lol.

[kemichels]

This is an idiotic thread.

[zion the lion]

i think that's usually how relationship advice works. we all know exactly how we *should* be but to follow our own advice takes a strength that most don't have.

I remember one friend made me realize how hypocritical I was being with the whole advice thing when I told her about my boyfriend having a whole other girlfriend on the side while I was in Greece. She convinced me to break up with him and that was the only time I ever took my own advice...not even 20 minutes later when she was in the shower, I took it all back. He cheated on me less after that though, so I think he learned his lesson haha.

[Animalhill]

Hhahaha You are now my new favorite. First girl to ever just tell the straight up truth. They love to beat around the bush.



haha nice. Don't get me wrong, I wish I could but can't. That's good tho good luck man, I know we could all use it.
Haha That we could, my friend. That we could.

[carnotaurhunter]

For me, it's love.

[Duexy]

I Like Ass

[brenByah]

I can't be a dick to girls even if I wanted to, I lack the ability. I'm an open doors, pay for dinner kind of guy and I can't break it. It does tend to get you taken advantage of and walked all over.

[ohioforlovers]

I can't be a dick to girls even if I wanted to, I lack the ability. I'm an open doors, pay for dinner kind of guy and I can't break it. It does tend to get you taken advantage of and walked all over.

We need more boys like you in the world, dont fret.

[caress me down]

i think you cant generalise on this. but im pretty sure even the sweetest guy is thinking he'd like to bone you, even if thats not his main focus.
You australians and your silly spelling

[Reaver]

I'm not a man, but of course its lust. You like someone because you're physically attracted to them at first, then you decide if the sex is worth dealing with them.

i honestly hope that you're not serious.

[zion the lion]

i honestly hope that you're not serious.

I am, 100%. You didnt think your girlfriend was hot before you started dating her?

[bladerdude360]

At first, yes, we are driven by lust. Everyone is. But then comes the part where you, you know, actually get to know the person. I've fallen in love with girls I didn't think were that physically attractive at first, and I've been turned off by smoking hot girls with idiotic personalities - once I've gotten to know them.

Like I said in another thread, attraction is both physical and emotional. I find it annoying how people separate the two. What, am I supposed to find a girlfriend that I have no interest in having sex with?

So I approach the girls I am physically attracted to, filter the ones I am emotionally attracted to, and pursue from there.
Agreed. It's basic psychology; it's our human nature to think like that.

[Reaver]

I am, 100%. You didnt think your girlfriend was hot before you started dating her?

well, that's sad. and actually, not really. i was much more attracted to another girl at that time, my gf was almost fat. but she was so nice and easy to talk to and had a great smile. i fell in love with her and i honestly loved every inch of her body. love is blind, lol. thank god, she lost weight during the years (and no, not because of me) and is really hot now imo, because it would bother me now.

[zion the lion]

well, that's sad. and actually, not really. i was much more attracted to another girl at that time, my gf was almost fat. but she was so nice and easy to talk to and had a great smile. i fell in love with her and i honestly loved every inch of her body. love is blind, lol.thank god, she lost weight during the years (and no, not because of me) and is really hot now imo, because it would bother me now.

Look at the quoted post above yours...thats what I said, only not as nice.

[Reaver]

Look at the quoted post above yours...thats what I said, only not as nice.

if that's what you wanted to say, then good.

[pr0digy]

i personally really only seriously talk to chicks that i feel i could be in a long term relationship with. but then again, i'm far from the norm when it comes to how guys behave around chicks, for better or worse..

[unicornurine]

Everyone's in it for lust, even the girls.

[Lemmi!]

sex

[Charles777]

I date girls because I enjoy their company and they're cool. Guys like the ones you mentioned should jump off a cliff because they make all guys look bad.

[more heart]

Pretty much agree with all that has been said. At first, I didn't find this girl I had feelings for attractive at first, but after a while I did. At the same time, I fell in love with her personality.

[Chromefox]

I don't get attracted to anybody until I appreciate their personality first. :shrug:

[brenByah]

I date girls because I enjoy their company and they're cool. Guys like the ones you mentioned should jump off a cliff because they make all guys look bad.

I agree. And the girl's that stated above that they like being cheated on and ignored and treated like dirt need to have more self respect, you only encourage those d-bags to keep acting like d-bags.

[ataris_kid]

Physical attraction sparks interest, which can lead to emotional attraction. Not exactly a hard concept. Anyone, male or female, who says otherwise.. Is lying. Also, different people have different ideas for what they consider physically attractive. There's not one right or wrong answer or standard for that.

That being said, most women are lying cunts anyway.

[Sventhegreat]

I can't be a dick to girls even if I wanted to, I lack the ability. I'm an open doors, pay for dinner kind of guy and I can't break it. It does tend to get you taken advantage of and walked all over.

I think that means you're going for the wrong girls, my friend. There are plenty of girls out there that will adore you for those qualities.

[sidewacker]

Your only 20, girls generally date more ass holes in high school and early 20's, but when you meet that one girl who you want to spend your life with, she'll appreciate that your not an ass hole. Dick's are only good for one night stands!! lol.

I used to believe this until my most recent relationship. I was a dick in one relationship, it worked for me. Now that I am 25, I tried the opposite in a different relationship because I am looking for something more long term: I wined and dined this 23 yr old chick, I paid for everything, and tried to be the best guy I could be. Our dates were always fun...she was completely into me. Then she went on a trip to Europe and fucked me over... So, moral of the story: not everything is what it seems, and never, absolutely never, trust a women who goes on trips "overseas."

[Charles777]

I agree. And the girl's that stated above that they like being cheated on and ignored and treated like dirt need to have more self respect, you only encourage those d-bags to keep acting like d-bags.
A good friend of mine goes out with this idiot bro guy, and I really don't get why. I know he's the cheating asshole type.

[Jaimehere]

i always only divulge in a relationship if it's serious and not only for sex, but if it was only sex that i wanted i'd just go out and party and hopefully find a chick who wants sex only too

[brenByah]

I think that means you're going for the wrong girls, my friend. There are plenty of girls out there that will adore you for those qualities.

It doesn't always happen to me, but my point was that it tends to happen at times, and I don't feel like acting that way should be as uncommon as it is at times these days. It should be expected.

[brenByah]

A good friend of mine goes out with this idiot bro guy, and I really don't get why. I know he's the cheating asshole type.

I've had that happen to many of my friends, and girls I've liked in the past. I can't stand it, some people don't realize when they deserve better, or they get the idea in their head that they can fix them.

[Sic Transit Zeb]

smash and dash.

;)

[dcd392]

I'm the type of guy who looks at relationships as a long-term thing, so personality definitely trumps. Looks are what gets me to bite, personality reels me in. but I go looking into a relationship with a girl on just looks, it's just not me. and you tend to overlook a bit when you get attracted to their personality. I don't think I could to an extreme point, but she doesn't have to be a 10. even an 8.

[God damner]

I make it a point to follow a moral code just so I can sleep at night. If I want just sex, I make that perfectly clear. If I am after a relationship, I am honest about that too. We all want sex and or love over the course of our lives, moral of the story...don't use people...thats just lame sauce.

[ilikesound93]

I hate it when people think it's shallow if you don't want to go out with someone because you don't find them physically attractive. Please explain to me how a relationship can work if the thought of touching their body repulses you?

[_GOOSE]

at this point i'm in it for lust. but if it happens to be more than great. i find it hard to become attached though. being young and single is where it's at, i say stay single as long as you can.

[phil19]

You australians and your silly spelling

dont you mean you australians and your correct spelling?

[ataris_kid]

dont you mean you australians and your correct spelling?
Nope.

[Hannah_]

I've never been in a relationship with a guy or hardly even been with one physically simply because I have this weird trust problem. I've always had this mentality that men just use woman for sex. I don't want to be taken advantage of to some guy who says he worships you but is only saying that to get his bit. I know so many girls who let these assholes, who are complete womanisers win them over.

[zac_montucky]

I used to believe this until my most recent relationship. I was a dick in one relationship, it worked for me. Now that I am 25, I tried the opposite in a different relationship because I am looking for something more long term: I wined and dined this 23 yr old chick, I paid for everything, and tried to be the best guy I could be. Our dates were always fun...she was completely into me. Then she went on a trip to Europe and fucked me over... So, moral of the story: not everything is what it seems, and never, absolutely never, trust a women who goes on trips "overseas."

"tell all the English boys you meet 'bout the American boy back in the states"


/jesselacey

[Chromefox]

I hate it when people think it's shallow if you don't want to go out with someone because you don't find them physically attractive. Please explain to me how a relationship can work if the thought of touching their body repulses you? The point is that you're not supposed to be repulsed. You find things you like about them and overlook the rest because your connection with them is worth it. The definition of shallowness is not being able to see beyond an appearance. It's great if you can find both in one person, but it's shallow to write anyone off based on appearance alone.

[jwm224]

I always liked the classic girls. I think you should get to know someone for awhile before having sex. They respect you more in the end. Yeah, physical attraction is important, but if it's more, then you will know with time. Then, all sexual energy is built up, and you have a rollercoaster of a night when and if it ever does happen.

Good Luck!

[reesa]

Women are stupid, and I don't respect them. That's right, I just have sex with 'em.

/lajoie
haha damn i miss watching them vids! nice avatar man :P

[ted is lying]

The point is that you're not supposed to be repulsed. You find things you like about them and overlook the rest because your connection with them is worth it. The definition of shallowness is not being able to see beyond an appearance. It's great if you can find both in one person, but it's shallow to write anyone off based on appearance alone.

A male would never say this. Last night I meet this girl she was really ugly/fat but i had a lot of common with her, also I wanted to get with her friend but she passed out at 9:00 and had to go home. After a long night I promised one of her friends that I'd make sure she get home safe, although that fat girl though that me taking her home meant that I wanted her. I liked what was on the inside but I had to leave in on of the worst way's ever. Not to be a total jerk im gonna go back and talk to her later.

[ilikesound93]

The point is that you're not supposed to be repulsed. You find things you like about them and overlook the rest because your connection with them is worth it. The definition of shallowness is not being able to see beyond an appearance. It's great if you can find both in one person, but it's shallow to write anyone off based on appearance alone.

That sounds like a good friend to me. I mean, really. I've never had a real relationship, but I've given guys a chance that I thought were just average at best. But if you can't even imagine yourself kissing the person, how do you expect a physical relationship to happen? It wouldn't work without some sort of physical attraction at all. Or I guess that's just me.

[AndrewIcex]

I've never been in a relationship with a guy or hardly even been with one physically simply because I have this weird trust problem. I've always had this mentality that men just use woman for sex. I don't want to be taken advantage of to some guy who says he worships you but is only saying that to get his bit. I know so many girls who let these assholes, who are complete womanisers win them over.
Do what you think men do, but to men, everybody wins.

[concernedparent]

Any guy who approaches a girl hoping he'll fall in love with her is seriously desperate and weird. Lust at first, obviously.

[Neo Cassady]

Seeing as you can't tell personality from across a room, physical attraction always comes first. But I would always get beyond that before I asked someone out; it was never just to hook up.

[Chromefox]

A male would never say this. Last night I meet this girl she was really ugly/fat but i had a lot of common with her, also I wanted to get with her friend but she passed out at 9:00 and had to go home. After a long night I promised one of her friends that I'd make sure she get home safe, although that fat girl though that me taking her home meant that I wanted her. I liked what was on the inside but I had to leave in on of the worst way's ever. Not to be a total jerk im gonna go back and talk to her later. Guys like you make me wish I was a lesbian.

That sounds like a good friend to me. I mean, really. I've never had a real relationship, but I've given guys a chance that I thought were just average at best. But if you can't even imagine yourself kissing the person, how do you expect a physical relationship to happen? It wouldn't work without some sort of physical attraction at all. Or I guess that's just me. What, so now it's a generous act just to let someone be your friend if they're unattractive?

Seeing as you can't tell personality from across a room, physical attraction always comes first. But I would always get beyond that before I asked someone out; it was never just to hook up. Right, because it has to be at first sight and you can't get to know them casually first.

[Kassie09]

Guys have approached me and wanted to be in a relationship with me, not sleep with me the moment we met. Maybe cause i don't generally look like a whore. I mean if the girl looks like she puts out, they're going to expect that the immediately.

[Smash Adams]

Guys have approached me and wanted to be in a relationship with me, not sleep with me the moment we met. Maybe cause i don't generally look like a whore. I mean if the girl looks like she puts out, they're going to expect that the immediately.
excuse me for a second but
hahahahahahahahahahaahahaahahahahah ah
carry on

[Kassie09]

excuse me for a second but
hahahahahahahahahahaahahaahahahahah ah
carry on

I don't look like a whore!
:-(
do i?

[Smash Adams]

I don't look like a whore!
:-(
do i?
No you just act like one
JK <3

[kaycey]

some women should stop thinking.

[Manicapathy]

some women should stop thinking.
http://l.yimg.com/l/tv/us/img/site/18/52/0000041852_20070802150607.jpg

Case in point.

[ted is lying]

[quote=Chromefox;53761882]Guys like you make me wish I was a lesbian.

I wouldnt mind it if u were a lez.

[ilikesound93]

Guys like you make me wish I was a lesbian.

What, so now it's a generous act just to let someone be your friend if they're unattractive?

Right, because it has to be at first sight and you can't get to know them casually first.

What? No, no, no, no. You said I should be able to find the good aspects in other places if you don't find the person physically attractive at all. (for a relationship) I was saying if that was the case, then that sounds like they should just be a guy friend. Regardless though, I'm friends with guys who I think are attractive but we have different interests, etc...as well as guys who I don't find attractive. I'm not really sure how you gathered that :shrug:

[ted is lying]

What? No, no, no, no. You said I should be able to find the good aspects in other places if you don't find the person physically attractive at all. (for a relationship) I was saying if that was the case, then that sounds like they should just be a guy friend. I'm friends with guys who I think are attractive but we have different interests, etc...as well as guys who I don't find attractive. I'm not really sure how you gathered that :shrug:

I dont care how my friends looks as look as I have fun with them im good. Although if im planning to be in a relationship i better be attracted to them. they also need a personality, no fun in being with someone who only thinks that every is "so cute".

[ilikesound93]

I dont care how my friends looks as look as I have fun with them im good. Although if im planning to be in a relationship i better be attracted to them. they also need a personality, no fun in being with someone who only thinks that every is "so cute".

I don't care what my friends look like either. Are my posts implying this or something?

[ted is lying]

I don't care what my friends look like either. Are my posts implying this or something?
yup

[ilikesound93]

yup

How...?!

[flabbergasted]

That's a little sexist, don't you think? I mean, being a female and all, I think that men are not too different from women in thatt aspect. I can look at a man and want him only for his physical attributes (lust), or I can get to know a guy after being attracted to his appearance (sad, but true) and start to fall in love with his personality (relationship). Personally, I think it takes both to form a genuine relationship. I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider appearance first. Everyone does; based on that they either initiate an approach or gently blow you off. Happy posting! :)

[Chromefox]

Everyone does; based on that they either initiate an approach or gently blow you off. I keep seeing this repeated in the thread, and I find that highly annoying because I know factually that this doesn't apply to everyone. In fact, it seems like the topic being discussed is "love at first sight", and totally disregards the possibility of getting to know someone as a person before they become your conquest, which is somewhat disturbing to me.

[flabbergasted]

I keep seeing this repeated in the thread, and I find that highly annoying because I know factually that this doesn't apply to everyone. In fact, it seems like the topic being discussed is "love at first sight", and totally disregards the possibility of getting to know someone as a person before they become your conquest, which is somewhat disturbing to me.

But, the thing is, in order to "get to know someone", you have to have a desire to. Sure, it depends on how superficial a person is, but answer this question for me: If you had a chance to talk and "get to know" someone very attractive or to someone not so attractive, which would you pick? And this (at least, my comment) has absolutely nothing to do with "love at first sight". Personally, I do not believe in such a thing. I was referring to lust at first sight, and then as you get to know the person, a love develops. And sure, for some people looks may not matter as much, but your first impression of that person is mostl likely based on it, whether you're conscious of the fact or not. And you may get to know the person and find that later you start to become more and more attracted to them, but lust comes first. No one (who isn't desperate) goes into a club and says, " I'm going to find my forever,". I agree with you that some people get better the more you get to know them; but if you'd rather hook up with the unattractive person than the good looking one, then you're one of the few. As much as I hate to stereotype people like this (being superficial), it's the honest truth. Happy posting! :)

[caress me down]

dont you mean you australians and your correct spelling?
Absolutely not. How can words like "organization" be spelled with an s? You can clearly hear the z

[phil19]

Absolutely not. How can words like "organization" be spelled with an s? You can clearly hear the z

hard to argue with you on that one

[kaycey]

Nope.
is your username "caress me down" pussy_kid.

[KingJohn_654]

Women are stupid, and I don't respect them. That's right, I just have sex with 'em.

/lajoie

show me your genitals.

[Chromefox]

But, the thing is, in order to "get to know someone", you have to have a desire to. Sure, it depends on how superficial a person is, but answer this question for me: If you had a chance to talk and "get to know" someone very attractive or to someone not so attractive, which would you pick? And this (at least, my comment) has absolutely nothing to do with "love at first sight". Personally, I do not believe in such a thing. I was referring to lust at first sight, and then as you get to know the person, a love develops. And sure, for some people looks may not matter as much, but your first impression of that person is mostl likely based on it, whether you're conscious of the fact or not. And you may get to know the person and find that later you start to become more and more attracted to them, but lust comes first. No one (who isn't desperate) goes into a club and says, " I'm going to find my forever,". I agree with you that some people get better the more you get to know them; but if you'd rather hook up with the unattractive person than the good looking one, then you're one of the few. As much as I hate to stereotype people like this (being superficial), it's the honest truth. Happy posting! :) See, my confusion/distaste stems from the fact that I cannot whatsoever understand there being any basis for a relationship without a foundation of friendship in the first place. I don't understand how two random people can form a pact like that and expect it to be effective or rewarding when they don't know anything about one another. No wonder 50% of marriages end in divorce, if this is how people go about selecting partners. This thread makes everyone sound like they're all rampaging hormonal sex-machines, which, true or not, annoys the hell out of me as someone whose interests and methods of interaction entirely defy what appears to be the norm.

Further upsetting to me is how superficial and shallow people are proving themselves to be with their narrow-mindedness and high expectations of the opposite sex. While nobody outright says it, the implication is that unattractive people don't deserve to be loved, or only deserve the love of other unattractive people. How is the latter any different from saying something like "a white person deserves to be loved only by another white person", which I'm sure everyone would agree to being a horrendous comment.

[Reaver]

See, my confusion/distaste stems from the fact that I cannot whatsoever understand there being any basis for a relationship without a foundation of friendship in the first place. I don't understand how two random people can form a pact like that and expect it to be effective or rewarding when they don't know anything about one another. No wonder 50% of marriages end in divorce, if this is how people go about selecting partners. This thread makes everyone sound like they're all rampaging hormonal sex-machines, which, true or not, annoys the hell out of me as someone whose interests and methods of interaction entirely defy what appears to be the norm.

Further upsetting to me is how superficial and shallow people are proving themselves to be with their narrow-mindedness and high expectations of the opposite sex. While nobody outright says it, the implication is that unattractive people don't deserve to be loved, or only deserve the love of other unattractive people. How is the latter any different from saying something like "a white person deserves to be loved only by another white person", which I'm sure everyone would agree to being a horrendous comment.

you guys are getting your wires crossed. she was talking about how people meet and you say there has to be friendship first. your statements aren't contradicting. you usually meet someone you're attracted and get to know him better and you can take all the time you want to build up a friendship before getting serious. that has nothing to do with the high divorce rate.

i'm pretty sure you don't have much lust and passion in you, thus you don't care who you're talking to what seems to give you the right to judge on everyone else. seems pretty sad to me. and no, i'm not expecting you to understand what i mean, so don't worry.

no one thinks that unattractive people don't deserve to be loved. your statement doesn't make sense, just because unattractiveness is subjective. of course i'm not attracted to someone i find to be unattractive, kinda obvious. and i admit it, i want my girlfriend to take care of her body, because i do as well. same thing with hygiene, i guess you're able to relate to that.

[ohioforlovers]

I used to believe this until my most recent relationship. I was a dick in one relationship, it worked for me. Now that I am 25, I tried the opposite in a different relationship because I am looking for something more long term: I wined and dined this 23 yr old chick, I paid for everything, and tried to be the best guy I could be. Our dates were always fun...she was completely into me. Then she went on a trip to Europe and fucked me over... So, moral of the story: not everything is what it seems, and never, absolutely never, trust a women who goes on trips "overseas."

Lol I see what you mean, but the reason she screwed you over wasn't because you were a nice guy. LIke I said early 20's, she probably just wants to have fun and not get serious until she is older, and being overseas has it's temptations. I am in the military so naturally I have to leave my husband sometimes whether it be to deploy or just go to another state for a few weeks, but we trust each other so it works for us, but long distannce is hard for most people.

[Skillen]

Further upsetting to me is how superficial and shallow people are proving themselves to be with their narrow-mindedness and high expectations of the opposite sex. While nobody outright says it, the implication is that unattractive people don't deserve to be loved, or only deserve the love of other unattractive people. How is the latter any different from saying something like "a white person deserves to be loved only by another white person", which I'm sure everyone would agree to being a horrendous comment.

This is the weakest arguement ever. So your saying your suprised people would prefer the be in a relationshop with a person they find attractive. Then the second part of your statement are you saying "racists" don't deserve to be loved?? How about idiots because in that case you could have a bit of trouble.

Incase your confused about human nature, there is no need to worry an attractive ignorant racist will have no trouble finding a date.

[Chromefox]

you guys are getting your wires crossed. she was talking about how people meet and you say there has to be friendship first. your statements aren't contradicting. you usually meet someone you're attracted and get to know him better and you can take all the time you want to build up a friendship before getting serious. that has nothing to do with the high divorce rate.

i'm pretty sure you don't have much lust and passion in you, thus you don't care who you're talking to what seems to give you the right to judge on everyone else. seems pretty sad to me. and no, i'm not expecting you to understand what i mean, so don't worry.

no one thinks that unattractive people don't deserve to be loved. your statement doesn't make sense, just because unattractiveness is subjective. of course i'm not attracted to someone i find to be unattractive, kinda obvious. and i admit it, i want my girlfriend to take care of her body, because i do as well. same thing with hygiene, i guess you're able to relate to that. Well I suppose that's one way of making friends for some people, but I haven't wanted to be friends without seeing snippets of personality since highschool. In any event, I suppose the how of friendship is irrelevant.

Passion, yes, lust, no. I don't feel anything for a person's appearance until I've known them personally. Stray thoughts like "that's a very nice jawline" may cross my mind, but recognition isn't the same thing as admiration. :shrug: Of course I care who I speak to, but it's not because of what they look like. Personally, I think I'm allowed to pass a little judgment on character given how everyone else is okay passing it on a first glance.

As for unattractiveness being subjective, to an extent. Attractiveness is subjective in that different aspects of beauty appeal differently to different people, however unattractiveness is generally considered the same. If you're overweight (and I know you've read these threads so you know that's something most people won't work around), have a lopsided face, crooked teeth, so on so forth, are pretty much universally discouraged traits. With that outlandish comparison I was trying to achieve a reaction that would allow me to make the point that people are saying "Well sure, ugly people deserve love, but I'm not gonna do it".

[Reaver]

Passion, yes, lust, no. I don't feel anything for a person's appearance until I've known them personally. Stray thoughts like "that's a very nice jawline" may cross my mind, but recognition isn't the same thing as admiration. :shrug: Of course I care who I speak to, but it's not because of what they look like. Personally, I think I'm allowed to pass a little judgment on character given how everyone else is okay passing it on a first glance.

As for unattractiveness being subjective, to an extent. Attractiveness is subjective in that different aspects of beauty appeal differently to different people, however unattractiveness is generally considered the same. If you're overweight (and I know you've read these threads so you know that's something most people won't work around), have a lopsided face, crooked teeth, so on so forth, are pretty much universally discouraged traits. With that outlandish comparison I was trying to achieve a reaction that would allow me to make the point that people are saying "Well sure, ugly people deserve love, but I'm not gonna do it".

you keep saying, you don't pick people by looks. that leads me to the question, how do you pick?? to get to know someone's personality, you have to be talking to that person for a while already. i'm kinda curious where you meet people...

you know, i'm not a monster. i wouldn't leave my girlfriend, just because she had an accident and had to use a wheelchair or whatever. and you're right, people who are overweight because of illness are fucked, yeah i admit it. i met 3 people like that during my year of civil service and they were really nice, but i couldn't have imagined to be in a serious relationship with one of those. go ahead and judge me on that. at least i'm not laughing at them, like most other people did at the time.

[Chromefox]

you keep saying, you don't pick people by looks. that leads me to the question, how do you pick?? to get to know someone's personality, you have to be talking to that person for a while already. i'm kinda curious where you meet people...

you know, i'm not a monster. i wouldn't leave my girlfriend, just because she had an accident and had to use a wheelchair or whatever. and you're right, people who are overweight because of illness are fucked, yeah i admit it. i met 3 people like that during my year of civil service and they were really nice, but i couldn't have imagined to be in a serious relationship with one of those. go ahead and judge me on that. at least i'm not laughing at them, like most other people did at the time. I meet people by chance. I interject in a conversation, we share a common interest, I meet them through friends, heck, in March I made friends overseas by demanding the first people I saw at the hostel to take the chocolate I bought because I was going to regret it if I ate it myself. :-d From there I build a friendship, or more if I discover that we're quite compatible.

So you wouldn't leave your girlfriend if she lost a leg, but would you leave her if she became overweight? I'm throwing out a scenario for you using both your examples.

[brenByah]

You build a relationship upon getting to know someone and enjoying their personality, but initial attractions are based on appearance. I find it hard to believe that anyone would say otherwise. It doesn't make you shallow, it simply means you're human.

[Reaver]

I meet people by chance. I interject in a conversation, we share a common interest, I meet them through friends, heck, in March I made friends overseas by demanding the first people I saw at the hostel to take the chocolate I bought because I was going to regret it if I ate it myself. :-d From there I build a friendship, or more if I discover that we're quite compatible.

So you wouldn't leave your girlfriend if she lost a leg, but would you leave her if she became overweight? I'm throwing out a scenario for you using both your examples.

sounds like a cheap chat-up line ;-)

wow, you are strange. i sure wouldn't leave her if i already made the decision to spend the rest of my life with her a.k.a. married her. as long as i haven't, maybe i would. it depends on how things work after that happened, i can't decide it like this.

[Chromefox]

sounds like a cheap chat-up line ;-) You're right. Offering chocolate is a cheap way to make friends. :-d

[Reaver]

You're right. Offering chocolate is a cheap way to make friends. :-d

I can't tell if that was sarcasm or not.

:yellowcard: