Clever ways to lose that one you don't want to go home with

[ted is lying]

Well this is a thread on how to ditch people. It can range from that drunk fat/ugly girl to that annoying kid who you dont want to hang out with.

[phil19]

tell them you have genital warts. works every time

[ted is lying]

tell them you have genital warts. works every time

no it doesnt...

[chochobonewagon]

murder

[phil19]

no it doesnt...

well, if by the off chance it doesnt work, then just falcon punch her

[ted is lying]

well, if by the off chance it doesnt work, then just falcon punch her
uzrxPjpbEaw

[leifstar]

just tell them their ugly and walk away

[billyboatkid]

Fuck you guys, I'm "that" guy. jk

[flabbergasted]

Introduce yourself to someone you DO want to home with. Problem solved. Or do the "I have to powder my nose" and make a run for it! :) Or maybe surround yourself with a bunch of friends; that seems to intimidate people. Just a few tricks I've learned through experience. Hope this helps!

[remedyeli]

I hate walking around downtown and running into "that group" of 15 year olds who thinks I'm their friend.
They all think I'm their friend because I can't bring myself in being a dick to people for no reason.

When I'm in awkward situations like that, I usually act nice, hang out for like 5 minutes, and make up a reason why I need to be back on my way.
Then repeat those steps the next time it happens.

[timb89]

make fun of her vagina.

[Hamlet]

Hamlet's Guide to Ditching People Without Them Knowing That You Don't Want to Be Around Them

Notes:

- Throughout all of these, stay polite or neutral. Do not make it look like you're angry or annoyed by them. You might hate their guts, but letting them know that will just cause more problems than it solves, especially if you have friends in common. On the other hand, don't look like you're amazed or over the moon to see them - signs of interest will spark reciprocal interest and further attempts at conversation. In these situations, diplomacy, tact, and little white lies will keep your reputation intact far better than the blunt force hammer of truth.

- If you're not a great liar, or can't think on your feet really quickly, it pays to have a few 'canned' responses and stick to them. Even rehearse them if you have to, until it looks like you're telling the truth.

- Unless they're totally socially inept (the annoying ones that keep trying to talk to you usually are, though), they will eventually get the hint that you don't like them, and maybe they'll stop trying to talk to you, which is the desired result. But if it serves you and your mutual friends, you may wish to keep up the illusion of friendship every now and then by actually giving them a few minutes of your time.

- "It's shallow and fake, blah blah blah", you've told me already. We've been through this, and I don't care. It's social convention. It's how we get by, and we do it all the time. If they don't get the hint, then that's their problem. You're not going to like everyone you meet, and not everyone is going to like you. I'd rather get rid of someone annoying in two minutes than get stuck with them for two hours because I was 'too nice' to make up an excuse to stop talking to them.

1. On the street

- Most importantly: KEEP WALKING. Slowing down or stopping gives them the impression that you actually want to talk to them. Give them an eyebrow raise of acknowledgement, but not friendliness. You can turn to face them, but keep your legs going, as if you're being pulled away from them and you can't help it. Momentum is your friend here.

- Headphones are a good deterrent. My friend wears them sometimes just walking around town, so people don't approach him trying to sell him something or sign up for a cause or whatever.

- If they start talking to you, say you've gotta be somewhere quick. Job interview/meeting a friend/doctor's appointment/rehearsal/helping plan an event etc etc etc

2. At a party

- Go with girl friends (at least two), and form a circular barrier. I've seen girls do this countless times, and as long as you look engaged and animated with your own little clique, then it's highly unlikely someone will barge in.

- "OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG!!" While making a break for the dance floor. Warning: If they're really creepy, it may cause them to follow you to the dance floor, making it even more awkward. You may have to drag a friend along to dance with.

- Pretend to spot an old friend that he/she doesn't know. "Oh my god, is that Trish?! I gotta talk to her, I haven't seen her in aaaages..." While starting to walk away. Throw in an optional "Nice to see/meet you" or "Talk to you later" depending on how fake you want to be.

- "Well, that sounds great. Excuse me a moment, I just got in from my shift and I'm starving/thirsty, I gotta find something to eat/drink..."

- "Oh, my phone's vibrating... sorry, I really gotta take this call..."

- If going with a friend, and it's likely you'll meet someone you don't want to talk to, get them to 'save' you if you're seen talking to them. One good example is have your friend approach you, and take you away with an excuse like "Hey, can I talk to you about that thing we talked about earlier?" (gives it the illusion of something private) or something really enthusiastic like "Great news! You won't believe what's happened, I absolutely have to tell you!" while the friend pulls you away from the dead conversation (making it look like you had no choice in being pulled away).

3. At work with them

- Do not initiate conversation, unless it's work related.

- Keep replies short and vague, with a neutral tone. Don't give them any new material to ask about.

- Say that you're busy with some work stuff and have to stay focused.



Save some face, you know you've only got one.

[introduction]

become really clingy and turn into 'that one'. then, they'll try and get rid of you. win/win.

[rollerman4221]

Get drunk enough so you will want to go home with them

/thread

[ted is lying]

Get drunk enough so you will want to go home with them

/thread
I was way past that drunk and i still didnt want to go home with them. I just brought the girl back hoping to score with her roommate.

edit:
made more sense at the time.

[rollerman4221]

I was way past that drunk and i still didnt want to go home with them. I just brought the girl back hoping to score with her roommate.

edit:
made more sense at the time.

and how did that workout for you?

[pambeesley]

you should read I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell... or wait for the movie.

[Mibabalou]

you should read I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell... or wait for the movie.

why



bro gets wasted makes up stories just go to textfromlastnight.com

[istealmusic]

honesty is the best policy, and in this case it would be fucking hillarious

[ted is lying]

and how did that workout for you?
I told her i had a girlfriend and left, then went to the room two doors down.
you should read I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell... or wait for the movie.
read it. And it is awesome. Tucker Max your every guys hero.

[deFobbed14yrs]

oh i love textsfromlastnight.com!

[pambeesley]

read it. And it is awesome. Tucker Max your every guys hero.
yeah every guy (and girls too if they have a sense of humor and arent feminists) should read this, its like your bible lol

[ted is lying]

yeah every guy (and girls too if they have a sense of humor and arent feminists) should read this, its like your bible lol
I honestly read that book 20+ times, the otherday I was watching my school hockey practice and just thinking I want to throw my stick at the mascot and tackle him to the ground.

[pambeesley]

I honestly read that book 20+ times, the otherday I was watching my school hockey practice and just thinking I want to throw my stick at the mascot and tackle him to the ground.

LOL ive definitly reread it a couple of times, and i did give to to my guy friends, lets just say they all aspire to be him in their own ways lol
i have heard tucker max's lines and thoughts a million times, sometimes with their take on it lol

[ted is lying]

LOL ive definitly reread it a couple of times, and i did give to to my guy friends, lets just say they all aspire to be him in their own ways lol
i have heard tucker max's lines and thoughts a million times, sometimes with their take on it lol

I want to read his first book but they stopped printing it, also im waiting for his other book but i dont think it is getting published. Also if they do make a movie I dont think anyone will actually remember who Tucker Max is by the time it comes out.

[pambeesley]

I want to read his first book but they stopped printing it, also im waiting for his other book but i dont think it is getting published. Also if they do make a movie I dont think anyone will actually remember who Tucker Max is by the time it comes out.

What do you mean?
FXTmNApNrxM

[ted is lying]

It is finally coming out? And it is just one story? Although the best story. Im going to see this.

[pambeesley]

I think there going to incorporate all the stories into the one thats going to be the plot.
Looks like they did a good job with the cast too, im pretty excited

[ted is lying]

I think there going to incorporate all the stories into the one thats going to be the plot.
Looks like they did a good job with the cast too, im pretty excited
Kind of mad that is going to be a movie. All books become movies.

[pambeesley]

Kind of mad that is going to be a movie. All books become movies.

i know i know, and like usual there going to make it more dramatic because it has to be turned into a movie when there was no way this ever should have, or there was a thought that it was going to be a movie by the way its written,
i just hope they dont ruin it, at least im happy that i read the book before they got a chance to potentially butcher it in a movie

[The Boat]

thought this was appropriate for this thread.

My friend picked a chick up in a club, and said do her wana go back to my place. she said yeah, and she was driving that night so they got in her car, and they drove and my mate gave her directions to where I was staying that night. they stop he gets out of the car, says to her "this is actually my mates place, cya have a good night" and ran inside and just left her there.

I thought it was the funniest thing ever. bit of a dick move though, but still good.

[jeremypeele]

tell them you legally have to tell them that you are a registered sex offender

[ted is lying]

thought this was appropriate for this thread.

My friend picked a chick up in a club, and said do her wana go back to my place. she said yeah, and she was driving that night so they got in her car, and they drove and my mate gave her directions to where I was staying that night. they stop he gets out of the car, says to her "this is actually my mates place, cya have a good night" and ran inside and just left her there.

I thought it was the funniest thing ever. bit of a dick move though, but still good.

your friend is awesome.

[maxvsmaradona]

"My friend's in trouble... I gotta go."

Worked for me at least 5 times.

[ted is lying]

"My friend's in trouble... I gotta go."

Worked for me at least 5 times.

not bad btw i like your avatar.

[maxvsmaradona]

not bad btw i like your avatar.

Ahah, yeah. I'm tired of the "bad boy" look, so I just want scare the shit out of people.

I put the "sex" in "registered sex offender". ;-)

[ted is lying]

Ahah, yeah. I'm tired of the "bad boy" look, so I just want scare the shit out of people.

I put the "sex" in "registered sex offender". ;-)
i saw that video for the first time yesterday at liek 3 in the morning. right after i needed a way to bail.

[Reaver]

thought this was appropriate for this thread.

My friend picked a chick up in a club, and said do her wana go back to my place. she said yeah, and she was driving that night so they got in her car, and they drove and my mate gave her directions to where I was staying that night. they stop he gets out of the car, says to her "this is actually my mates place, cya have a good night" and ran inside and just left her there.

I thought it was the funniest thing ever. bit of a dick move though, but still good.

why would you make a chick wanna get laid and then bail out like that. i hope for your friend that she's really ugly.

[ted is lying]

why would you make a chick wanna get laid and then bail out like that. i hope for your friend that she's really ugly.
Funnier if she was amazingly hot. I kind of want to do this someone.

[ReadyForAction]

I enjoyed the Tucker Max related portions of this thread

[ted is lying]

I enjoyed the Tucker Max related portions of this thread
who doesnt like Tucker Max he is funny and get girls. Also he gets really drunk and does thing he shouldnt. Kind of funny he went to such good colleges just be a drunk ass hole and now he just rights books about him being drunk.

[pambeesley]

what a life.
i can only wish my life can turn out that perfect!

[Sic Transit Zeb]

I was way past that drunk and i still didnt want to go home with them. I just brought the girl back hoping to score with her roommate.

edit:
made more sense at the time.

you weren't drunk enough.

[nonamesleft]

I usually tell them I'm 15 or 16 years old (I look pretty young). It normally works every single time. Except once.

[ted is lying]

you weren't drunk enough.
the only way i can be drunk enough is if i was drinking myself to death.

[Reaver]

I usually tell them I'm 15 or 16 years old (I look pretty young). It normally works every single time. Except once.

was it the pedo bear?

[Sic Transit Zeb]

the only way i can be drunk enough is if i was drinking myself to death.

still not drunk enough. :)

[nonamesleft]

was it the pedo bear?

No, just some guy who had really nice hips. So it had to be done.

[zion the lion]

I hate it when a guy assumes that you want him, and decides to let you down easy. A little bit ago, I was at a friends house watching a movie in his room, a little bit earlier we were messing around and I ended up having to take my clothes off, so I was in a pair of his boxers and my bra. His two roommates came home earlier than we thought they would, and sat down on the bed with us to hang out. My friend left the room and while I waited for him to come back, I made small talk with the other guys. I asked one how his girlfriend was doing, since my back was hurting (and I was waiting for my friend to give me a back rub) I got up, put my hands on my lower back, and kind of bent over backwards. The guy thought I was hitting on him and told me that even though he thought I was "bangin" he thought I was too baby faced, and he would feel like a pedophile if he fucked me.


I usually tell them I'm basically asexual, which means I'm not interested in having sex with them (if they're trying to lead the conversation that way), but I almost always say I would gladly be friends with them. If they dont get the hint then I'll casually mention what my dad does for a living, how big he is, and that I'm 14 (because with the exception of my boobs, I look like a kid).

[Roboman]

Oh look, another one of zion's stories. What a surprise.

[zion the lion]

Oh look, another one of zion's stories. What a surprise.

Isnt it though! How great is it when you get to share life experience in a way to contribute to a thread asking for it? Isnt it nice that I'm not the only one doing it? I love how most of the other posts in this thread are also stories! It makes life entertaining.

[ted is lying]

I hate it when a guy assumes that you want him, and decides to let you down easy. A little bit ago, I was at a friends house watching a movie in his room, a little bit earlier we were messing around and I ended up having to take my clothes off, so I was in a pair of his boxers and my bra. His two roommates came home earlier than we thought they would, and sat down on the bed with us to hang out. My friend left the room and while I waited for him to come back, I made small talk with the other guys. I asked one how his girlfriend was doing, since my back was hurting (and I was waiting for my friend to give me a back rub) I got up, put my hands on my lower back, and kind of bent over backwards. The guy thought I was hitting on him and told me that even though he thought I was "bangin" he thought I was too baby faced, and he would feel like a pedophile if he fucked me.


I usually tell them I'm basically asexual, which means I'm not interested in having sex with them (if they're trying to lead the conversation that way), but I almost always say I would gladly be friends with them. If they dont get the hint then I'll casually mention what my dad does for a living, how big he is, and that I'm 14 (because with the exception of my boobs, I look like a kid).

A lot of girls think im hitting on them, when im just being friendly. Like the little bitch sitting next me last week though i was coming on to her but instead i was hoping i could watch tv in her room cuz of that awesome 42, while sadly we only got a 32.

[zion the lion]

A lot of girls think im hitting on them, when im just being friendly. Like the little bitch sitting next me last week though i was coming on to her but instead i was hoping i could watch tv in her room cuz of that awesome 42, while sadly we only got a 32.

So you were doing the "hey I like you...but really I'm I like your 42, lets work something out!" thing. I'm always super shy around guys at first, so they assume I like them.

[Reaver]

So you were doing the "hey I like you...but really I'm I like your 42, lets work something out!" thing. I'm always super shy around guys at first, so they assume I like them.

ORLY?

[zion the lion]

ORLY?

in real life.

[Reaver]

in real life.

idk, I just like sayin that recently.

[Manicapathy]

3 words that will work in any situation:

"I have herpes"

Works every time.

[zion the lion]

idk, I just like sayin that recently.

its because you want my babies.

[Reaver]

its because you want my babies.

ORLY?


see? i couldn't help it.

[zion the lion]

ORLY?


see? i couldn't help it.

You're addicted. My mom is a rehab counselor, I bet she could give you some therapy to help you overcome this addiction.

[ted is lying]

So you were doing the "hey I like you...but really I'm I like your 42, lets work something out!" thing. I'm always super shy around guys at first, so they assume I like them.
No i was like your door is open sup im steven we should hang out.

[zion the lion]

No i was like your door is open sup im steven we should hang out.

Like sup I'm steven, we should hang out...naked?

because I would think someone was hitting on me if they said that to me, unless they were a nudist, and I know a few nudist. Are you a nudist? Because crazy cult people do usually end up going naked/playing the statutory rape game sooner or later.

[Reaver]

You're addicted. My mom is a rehab counselor, I bet she could give you some therapy to help you overcome this addiction.

ORLY?


what can I say? it just fit prefectly.

[zion the lion]

ORLY?


what can I say? it just fit prefectly.

no, not orly.

[ted is lying]

Like sup I'm steven, we should hang out...naked?

because I would think someone was hitting on me if they said that to me, unless they were a nudist, and I know a few nudist. Are you a nudist? Because crazy cult people do usually end up going naked/playing the statutory rape game sooner or later.

Well I left the last part about but maybe next time i wont. Also do you want me hitting on you?

[spunkmastaflex]

I was way past that drunk and i still didnt want to go home with them. I just brought the girl back hoping to score with her roommate.

edit:
made more sense at the time.

i lol'd

[ted is lying]

i lol'd
ohh and i found out an hour ago that it wasnt her roommate. It was just one of her friends, why do girls always hang out with a duff.

[spunkmastaflex]

ohh and i found out an hour ago that it wasnt her roommate. It was just one of her friends, why do girls always hang out with a duff.

to make themselves look better by comparison of course

[kaycey]

i just smile till she stops talking and then act like i've got to do something important to do and get the fuck out of there.

[zion the lion]

Well I left the last part about but maybe next time i wont. Also do you want me hitting on you?

haha yeah sure kiddo.

[ted is lying]

haha yeah sure kiddo.
Are you actually from alaska? If some im going to find a plane, then a boat, then a hovercraft, the a bunch of dogs tied to a sled to find you. If you are from somewhere else i still might do all i mention above cuz it is fucking awesome.

[SmokieB.High]

tell them you have genital warts. works every time
The only catch is if they assume you already have genital warts so they don't have to tell you

[rollerman4221]

3 words that will work in any situation:

"I have herpes"

Works every time.

works at ruining your chances of getting any EVER

people talk homie

[Animalhill]

I'm pretty blunt about it. A straight up, "I'm not at all interested in you" generally does the trick.

[Sventhegreat]

Just tell her that you have an extremely small penis and she would just be wasting her time!

[zion the lion]

Are you actually from alaska? If some im going to find a plane, then a boat, then a hovercraft, the a bunch of dogs tied to a sled to find you. If you are from somewhere else i still might do all i mention above cuz it is fucking awesome.

Yeah, born and raised. While a hovercraft, a sled dog team, and a boat would be nice, I'm pretty sure you only need a plane and a way to get on the highway. But if you do the whole dog sled thing, make sure to but booties on their little paws so they dont get hurt.

[ted is lying]

Yeah, born and raised. While a hovercraft, a sled dog team, and a boat would be nice, I'm pretty sure you only need a plane and a way to get on the highway. But if you do the whole dog sled thing, make sure to but booties on their little paws so they dont get hurt.
Im coming for you. Give me exactly 46 hours 37 minutes and one second.

[zion the lion]

Im coming for you. Give me exactly 46 hours 37 minutes and one second.

Well then I'll be waiting naked next to my gigantic tv.

[ted is lying]

Well then I'll be waiting naked next to my gigantic tv.
take 16 minutes and 12 seconds off that time now.

[zion the lion]

take 16 minutes and 12 seconds off that time now.

You might want to add a week to that.

[ted is lying]

You might want to add a week to that.
im half way to my door by now, ill be there in a matter of years at this rate.

[zion the lion]

im half way to my door by now, ill be there in a matter of years at this rate.

ok good, that gives me time to go to the gym at one point this month...or just take a nap.

[ted is lying]

ok good, that gives me time to go to the gym at one point this month...or just take a nap.
Somewhere in canada atm and I dont no how much further, ill just walk another few miles. BTW what is the weather cuz im wearing jeans and a t shirt.

[zion the lion]

Somewhere in canada atm and I dont no how much further, ill just walk another few miles. BTW what is the weather cuz im wearing jeans and a t shirt.

50 degrees and cloudy and no frost!

[ted is lying]

50 degrees and cloudy and no frost!
excellent. Faster Muski the magic racing dog sled.

[zion the lion]

excellent. Faster Muski the magic racing dog sled.

remember the booties!

I'm sure i have enough time to take a nap before you get here...goodnight!

[ted is lying]

remember the booties!

I'm sure i have enough time to take a nap before you get here...goodnight!
Dont worry I bought 5 sets of booties, and it is okay you can nap when i get there. I wont wake you.

[Codi23]

Go into Wal-Mart. Say you're going to the bathroom, and you'll meet them in Electronics. Leave.

Feel free to be creative and use this wherever you please.

[ted is lying]

Go into Wal-Mart. Say you're going to the bathroom, and you'll meet them in Electronics. Leave.

Feel free to be creative and use this wherever you please.

Im in a small town where if you bring someone to walmart is granteed sex.

[Codi23]

Im in a small town where if you bring someone to walmart is granteed sex.

Hahahaha.

I don't think that's a good idea:

http://peopleofwalmart.com/

[ted is lying]

Hahahaha.

I don't think that's a good idea:

http://peopleofwalmart.com/
that was fucking funny. I love you.

[Chancetobe]

What do you mean?
FXTmNApNrxM

I couldn't imagine anyone better to play Tucker Max. It's like Logan from Gilmore Girls Pt. 2.


As for the question at hand just say: I don't want to go home with you. Hard to miss the point. And if they really prod just say you don't like to do things with people prior to like, date number 16 or something. Like it's against your moral code.

[Codi23]

that was fucking funny. I love you.

:bow: hahaha.

[ted is lying]

:bow: hahaha.
I think im now gonna sit at walmart with a camera and take some pictures.

[Codi23]

I think im now gonna sit at walmart with a camera and take some pictures.

That whole site is amazing; they took it down for a while, but it's finally back up again. Some strange people go to Wal-Mart haha.

[ted is lying]

That whole site is amazing; they took it down for a while, but it's finally back up again. Some strange people go to Wal-Mart haha.
Well in any store you get strange people. I work'd at a minigolf place and one day a guy came in and played by himself for 7 hours. If your trying to kill time he should of done the driving range or batting cages. Cuz nothing sadd then playing mini golf idea.

[Codi23]

Holy crap; that's awful hahaha. I just picture this dude putting his heart out, sobbing and muttering to himself :-| . I've never even seen someone play mini golf alone before; but 7 hours is brutal!!!! haha.

[ted is lying]

Holy crap; that's awful hahaha. I just picture this dude putting his heart out, sobbing and muttering to himself :-| . I've never even seen someone play mini golf alone before; but 7 hours is brutal!!!! haha.
The guy was also wearing a trench coat while it was 98 degrees. I feel like he could of been a child molester. Actually that part I was joking about but still when you drop over a hundred on minigolf you got issues.