PDA

View Full Version : "The Western Coast"


eleven-eleven
05/01/06, 10:14 PM
This is a warning, a heart felt letter, because since I met you
I've slept so much better, and I've dreamed about things that I've never seen
Like the Pacific in summer or the waves crashing against me
You're just like waves crashing against me
This is a warning

I've driven through oceans and I've driven through starfields
But there's a whole other world outside of this automobile
I've spent all of my time, just waiting for the right time
But now I'm jumping through Time Zones and speeding over state lines
But who knows what I'll do when I finally find you

So now it's morning, and I've read your face like a road map
Every scaled line leading to another mile closer to you
But I still haven't seen that vast expansion of blue
Waves crashing against me
These are just waves crashing against me

This is a warning

I've driven through oceans and I've driven through starfields
But there's a whole other world outside of this automobile
I've spent all of my time, just waiting for the right time
But now I'm jumping through Time Zones and speeding over state lines
But who knows what I'll do when I finally find you

I spy palm trees, I spy red, I spy hotels, and I spy the dead
I spy castles, I spy crowds, I spy sunsets, and skies dotted with clouds
I spy blue, I spy land, I spy sand slipping through your hands
I spy palm trees, I spy red, I spy hotels, and I spy the dead
I spy castles, I spy crowds, I spy sunsets, and skies dotted with clouds
I spy blue, I spy land, I spy sand slipping through your hands

I've spent all of my time, just waiting for the right time
Spent so many hours perfecting the right lines
But who knows what I'll do when I finally find you
I'll be like waves crashing against you,
Sea-foam and dark blue

Comments, anyone?

parallelism
05/01/06, 10:54 PM
Honestly, I like the way that this is written.

It feels very warm to read; you've got some really strong imagery and use a very appealing rhyme scheme.



This is a warning, a heart felt letter, because since I met you
I've slept so much better, and I've dreamed about things that I've never seen
Like the Pacific in summer or the waves crashing against me



I've spent all of my time, just waiting for the right time
Spent so many hours perfecting the right lines
But who knows what I'll do when I finally find you
I'll be like waves crashing against you,
Sea-foam and dark blue

Comments, anyone?


Those are my favorite parts from this one.

ArTkY_
05/01/06, 11:31 PM
Wonderful use of colors and other imagery. This is very good.

eleven-eleven
05/02/06, 07:30 PM
Honestly, I like the way that this is written.

It feels very warm to read; you've got some really strong imagery and use a very appealing rhyme scheme.

Wonderful use of colors and other imagery. This is very good.

thanks to you both, very much. i didnt know how people were going to react to my lyrics on this website, mainly because most other posts are very angsty and cliche. your feedback encourages me to post more.

eleven-eleven
05/04/06, 09:51 PM
mm anyone else? ok.

parallelism
05/04/06, 09:53 PM
mm anyone else? ok.

I just wanted to let you know that it really is very hard to get feedback in this forum.

ben pequeno
05/04/06, 09:54 PM
good job n00b.

a speedo model
05/05/06, 10:42 AM
very good. excellent imagery, i enjoyed reading it very much. good job, keep posting.

wyverna
05/05/06, 12:14 PM
I really like this. I expect to see much more from you.