The fundamental principals of dying alone

[SHUTYOUREYESx]

I’m trying so hard
But I can’t stay away
From all of this sorrow
These pills, my blade
Cause I love how it feels
To watch your blood just spill
Forever stained on the floor
On the walls and the door
As your ghost becomes much more
Than a casualty of war

Every night I pray
To a false god hoping
The sun won’t rise
That you’ll still be choking
And frantically gasping for air
As my hands they squeeze tighter
Around the back of your neck
Baby, you’re such a mess
As the blood from your wrist
Covers your wedding dress


I’m giving up
And dying all alone now
And you’re nothing more
Than just another letdown
Just another burn out
A priestess whose lost all her faith

I’m giving up
And dying all alone now
And you’re nothing more
Than just another letdown
Just another letdown
Just another burnout

A priestess whose lost all her faith
And I’m getting what I want and deserve
I’m getting what I want and deserve
This is exactly what I want and deserve
Your blood on the sleeves of my shirt

[SHUTYOUREYESx]

i tried again, probably FAILED HORRIBLY, but tried again. :D

[SHUTYOUREYESx]

anyone?

[parallelism]

I feel the same way about this as the last one.

It's really cliche; you've got some really overused lines here. It's just really monotonous by now, the whole death and dying and self-inflicted harm thing. Sometimes that can be done really tastefully if it's done in a new type of way, but I don't feel that this does justice.

I basically feel that this is a compilation of many lines that have been written before. However, I will at least give you that you fit the ideas together into one piece and your grammar could be far worse.

I say this:

Keep working at it. Judging by the way you handled the criticism on your last piece (some of it was pretty harsh) you will go far. Just keep listening to advice and keep the positive attitude.