Rohan Kohli
05/02/06, 09:15 PM
Selena Langley of One Way Letter (http://www.myspace.com/onewayletter) recently posted the following message on the band's MySpace page:
I've learned a lot of things in the past year. Some things I personally would rather not have to know. Others, I gladly accept.
During the recording of "Where Everybody Knows Your Name", I was angry. Angry at any and everyone who stood in my way. Telling me I wasn't good enough and that I couldn't make a difference in the face of music. "There's no place for girls in rock" was a favorite line. I wanted to scream in the face of anyone who told me I wasn't good enough because of boobs... how I was born into the world. I was out to destroy anyone of any size who told me there was something I could not do..
In the past year, I have come to realize that this anger I had.. this enormous swelling of fear and jealousy of the unattainable (being accepted like the guys), wasn't changing the face of music. It was changing me.
I watched myself force away people I loved because they didn't understand my way of thinking.
I hid away backstage until time to play. I let people think I just ran merch to avoid the awkward feeling of people judging me half way across the country.
I found strangers even more frightening. They had the power to look me up and down with one glance and automatically assume I was worthless, and all at the cost of admission. Playing for them brought a sense of release, and whenever I get the occasional "I hate girl singers, but you guys are fucking awesome!" it, of course, has and always will bring a smile to my face...
I guess night after night of hearing it, it becomes unbearable to even set your microphone upright and look anyone in the eyes. They all seem to judge and ridicule without even a word. I felt like a display model in a window for anyone to mock or tease behind a glass wall; which, of course, makes it all okay.
The initial fear would subside, but I knew it would be back the very next day. That thought alone drove me mad.
I never want to be the vocalist hiding backstage until it's time to play...
But I felt myself gravitating more toward it everyday. Waiting in the comfort of the van until it's safe to come out.
Unfortunately, I don't see that fear ever completely going away.. there will always be an asshole in the crowd. Someone will always hate you because of something you have no control over be it race, sex, religion, or physical deformity. It's depressing to think about.
What is it that separates me from the guys? I get just as uncomfortable on tour as my male counterparts. I have a voice and an idea just like they do. These things used to burden me so much.
I found myself waking up grinding my teeth. I was diagnosed with "Shingles" a common (usually in older people) but extremely painful spinal infection brought on by extreme amounts of stress. I hid it well. I've never been much of a complainer when it comes to my physical ailments.
I hate showing such weakness when I'm already a minority in my profession, if you will.
Our new song "Take it Slow" is a stretch into a new territory for me, and it's about my tonsil surgery I had last summer. I found myself wagering what was the most important to me. My music is my soul! If I lost my voice, I don't know what I would do. The older you are, the harder the healing process. I should have had mine out at 5, but waited until 21. I had 9 strep throat infections before the doc told me it was either my hearing or surgery. One hurts... 9 in a row is just stupid. The fear of losing my voice or not waking up overwhelmed me when the needle went into my hand. I burst into tears at the thought that I had any remote chance of death, and I think I really upset the nurses.
I haven't done what I need to yet. There are so many things I need to say..
Once I woke up, I started saying them. To friends, to family members, and in my music.
At the pinnacle of my "revelation", I realized even farther what it meant to finish business in life.
Mark recieved a call in the Shreveport, LA Books A Million from his mom. His dad was dying. A phone call changed us all forever, and over the phone his dad pleaded with him to continue on tour.
His mom told him they were removing the ventilator that night. Mark said his goodbyes, and we played a show. I can't believe we made it through that show. The next morning Mark called home and was met by none other than his own father's voice! He made it through the night and was looking so much better. A week later while staying with Mark's sister, we decided to come back home. Things had gotten much much worse almost overnight. His father passed over, and it took a toll on all of us.
The fear of losing someone while so far away with no money for a plane ticket became a reality!
No one ever saw that coming.. we were invincible.
We've been through divorces, death of friends and family members, sickness of all kinds, days upon days of dirtiness, and so many van problems..
The one thing I have learned from all of this is that there is nothing more important than saying what you mean... and living each day like it was the only day you had to live. The only boundries you have are the ones you let others set for you. When you start letting other people tell you that you're worthless, fat, ugly, and meaningless, you let them limit what you're capable of! But you are worth so much more. Wanting to be someone you are not is a waste of the person you are.
This next album is meant to inspire you to think farther than you've been taught to think, to put value into what you know you have it in you to be. Do that, and you become limitless. I mean to make you think about what matters and inspire you to live without looking in the mirror and critiquing every square inch! Change the world by unconditioning yourself. Take back your own skin. I'm not trying to be anything other than exactly who I am right now, and this next album will reflect that. These songs are a journey for me... a story of what I'm coming out of.. reaching such a low point you start to convince yourself to become another person, and saying what you want to say instead of what you should. I'm not apologizing for it, and neither should you.
Selena
I've learned a lot of things in the past year. Some things I personally would rather not have to know. Others, I gladly accept.
During the recording of "Where Everybody Knows Your Name", I was angry. Angry at any and everyone who stood in my way. Telling me I wasn't good enough and that I couldn't make a difference in the face of music. "There's no place for girls in rock" was a favorite line. I wanted to scream in the face of anyone who told me I wasn't good enough because of boobs... how I was born into the world. I was out to destroy anyone of any size who told me there was something I could not do..
In the past year, I have come to realize that this anger I had.. this enormous swelling of fear and jealousy of the unattainable (being accepted like the guys), wasn't changing the face of music. It was changing me.
I watched myself force away people I loved because they didn't understand my way of thinking.
I hid away backstage until time to play. I let people think I just ran merch to avoid the awkward feeling of people judging me half way across the country.
I found strangers even more frightening. They had the power to look me up and down with one glance and automatically assume I was worthless, and all at the cost of admission. Playing for them brought a sense of release, and whenever I get the occasional "I hate girl singers, but you guys are fucking awesome!" it, of course, has and always will bring a smile to my face...
I guess night after night of hearing it, it becomes unbearable to even set your microphone upright and look anyone in the eyes. They all seem to judge and ridicule without even a word. I felt like a display model in a window for anyone to mock or tease behind a glass wall; which, of course, makes it all okay.
The initial fear would subside, but I knew it would be back the very next day. That thought alone drove me mad.
I never want to be the vocalist hiding backstage until it's time to play...
But I felt myself gravitating more toward it everyday. Waiting in the comfort of the van until it's safe to come out.
Unfortunately, I don't see that fear ever completely going away.. there will always be an asshole in the crowd. Someone will always hate you because of something you have no control over be it race, sex, religion, or physical deformity. It's depressing to think about.
What is it that separates me from the guys? I get just as uncomfortable on tour as my male counterparts. I have a voice and an idea just like they do. These things used to burden me so much.
I found myself waking up grinding my teeth. I was diagnosed with "Shingles" a common (usually in older people) but extremely painful spinal infection brought on by extreme amounts of stress. I hid it well. I've never been much of a complainer when it comes to my physical ailments.
I hate showing such weakness when I'm already a minority in my profession, if you will.
Our new song "Take it Slow" is a stretch into a new territory for me, and it's about my tonsil surgery I had last summer. I found myself wagering what was the most important to me. My music is my soul! If I lost my voice, I don't know what I would do. The older you are, the harder the healing process. I should have had mine out at 5, but waited until 21. I had 9 strep throat infections before the doc told me it was either my hearing or surgery. One hurts... 9 in a row is just stupid. The fear of losing my voice or not waking up overwhelmed me when the needle went into my hand. I burst into tears at the thought that I had any remote chance of death, and I think I really upset the nurses.
I haven't done what I need to yet. There are so many things I need to say..
Once I woke up, I started saying them. To friends, to family members, and in my music.
At the pinnacle of my "revelation", I realized even farther what it meant to finish business in life.
Mark recieved a call in the Shreveport, LA Books A Million from his mom. His dad was dying. A phone call changed us all forever, and over the phone his dad pleaded with him to continue on tour.
His mom told him they were removing the ventilator that night. Mark said his goodbyes, and we played a show. I can't believe we made it through that show. The next morning Mark called home and was met by none other than his own father's voice! He made it through the night and was looking so much better. A week later while staying with Mark's sister, we decided to come back home. Things had gotten much much worse almost overnight. His father passed over, and it took a toll on all of us.
The fear of losing someone while so far away with no money for a plane ticket became a reality!
No one ever saw that coming.. we were invincible.
We've been through divorces, death of friends and family members, sickness of all kinds, days upon days of dirtiness, and so many van problems..
The one thing I have learned from all of this is that there is nothing more important than saying what you mean... and living each day like it was the only day you had to live. The only boundries you have are the ones you let others set for you. When you start letting other people tell you that you're worthless, fat, ugly, and meaningless, you let them limit what you're capable of! But you are worth so much more. Wanting to be someone you are not is a waste of the person you are.
This next album is meant to inspire you to think farther than you've been taught to think, to put value into what you know you have it in you to be. Do that, and you become limitless. I mean to make you think about what matters and inspire you to live without looking in the mirror and critiquing every square inch! Change the world by unconditioning yourself. Take back your own skin. I'm not trying to be anything other than exactly who I am right now, and this next album will reflect that. These songs are a journey for me... a story of what I'm coming out of.. reaching such a low point you start to convince yourself to become another person, and saying what you want to say instead of what you should. I'm not apologizing for it, and neither should you.
Selena