thetrueblood
09/22/09, 02:15 PM
i realize this might be out of the ordinary for this site-- but any thoughts?
10,000 tons of metal, cloth and machinery flying across oil stained asphalt at seventy miles an hour. This is my vessel. Billions of cells making up blood, bone and organs all fighting to stay alive. I am their vessel. An infinite amount of stars, planets and space bouncing through the universe in absolute chaos and undeniable order. A vessel unknown. I can feel the sparks in my brain as these electrical impulses attempt to find meaning in why I'm here, but even more so who I am.
Perception
I wonder about perception and the role it plays in defining a person. How we perceive other people. The actions we take to be perceived by others in a way that we find favorable-- in a way that will let people know "hey, I am like you. you are not alone." This can be reflected in career choices, social standing, personality traits, fashion choices, musical tastes, politics or the general ever changing idea in ones head of what they want to achieve, leave behind, or get out of this life. I want to breathe. I want to eat. I want to drink water. I want to have sex. I want to feel loved. I want someone to feel loved because of my actions. I want to belong, but not feel like I belong to the greater idea of society, but rather my own subset. I am not describing being part of a counter culture but being part of a family. A family who may not agree or understand me completely but shares my core values and ideas. A family who shares my passion and intellect. A family that will share strengths and provide support during times of weakness. A family when it comes down to us vs. the world we are the victors-- or at least, we will perceive ourselves that way. And that's okay. This is why perception is important. The undying feeling inside of me to feel belonging-- to not feel so alone-- to grasp a miniscule amount of understanding in an infinite arrangement of atoms-- to solve the ultimate puzzle. We are all the same. This is my perception.
Conflict
As i write, smoke is filling my lungs. A hard drag from a harsh cigarette. I feel satisfied. I am quenching a craving for nicotine that the cells in my brain want to believe that they need to survive. My lungs are screaming in inscrutable pain. This is their car wreck. This is their unwarranted murder. This is being stabbed in an alley for your net worth. This is injustice. The only means of defense is to send signals of pain to my unrelenting brain. I process the burn. My mind is fighting against my lungs as they both compete for survival and contentment-- this is conflict. There is no victory. The function of one is completely reliant on the other. This is love. This is life.
Sex
Goosebumps. The entire body left shaking at the inability to process the euphoria it just experienced. It was uncensored, passionate, no holds barred sex. It's a love affair between hormones, instincts and personal desire. Sexual intimacy is a world of it's own-- in that sensory perception is slightly altered when we tap into our darkest desires and pleasure points. Sometimes sex is just routine-- boring. Slight pleasure as a means to discharge the chemicals that are affecting one's brain. Sex, like art, can be a release of intense feelings of anger or love and this extreme passion being expressed is what will leave you trembling. When you're overcome by an argument and you throw her on the bed. When your heart starts beating uncontrollably, your brain is overflowing and you pick her up by the hips and forcefully lay your lips upon hers. When clothes are nothing but an obstacle to be overcome- to be ripped off and destroyed. In this state your heightened senses respond a lot differently. A slap to the face, an unforgiving bite to the neck, fingernails dragging across your back in a desperate attempt to combine two organisms into one-- this will send waves of ecstasy through your entire body and no cells are left untouched. It is total destruction of the surrounding environment. Tables, clothes, beds, and blinds stand no chance in an exchange that the most deadly of hurricanes could marvel over. Pain becomes pleasure. Lovers become sluts. Screams become melodies. Broken becomes whole. Love becomes real. Just like a painting or song this uncontrollable force leads to creation. This is love. This is life.
Pleasure/Pain
When a group of cells combines with mine it creates pleasure. When that same group of cells comes together with another group of cells it creates pain. There is no understanding.
Intelligence
An ability to process and absorb absolute knowledge. An ability to create from the known the unknown. Problem solving. The ability to combine information to explain ideas and concepts or create humor-- wit. Everyone questions their intellect to some degree. Some people strive to absorb as much absolute knowledge as possible so they can regurgitate it later. This makes them feel intelligent. Some people simply bow out and say "I know there are smarter people than me but this is how i see it." I am egocentric. I have never came across a person that I said "this person is more intelligent than me," but i have met some brilliant minds. I am not sure if this is a reflection on my own mind power or simply my social circle. Brilliance can come from all levels of intelligence and social standing. Sometimes brilliance is evident in scientific discovery or solving the unsolvable. Other times brilliance can be seen in a child that speaks with unbiased honesty about the way issues in the world. I do not like people who try to flaunt intellect. People who view themselves as the intellectually elite. Most times, these people are far less genius than they give themselves credit for. If not, they are simply squandering a valuable gift that could be shared with the rest of the dying. It's not really an argument worth having-- the greatest questions will never be answered and the smallest minds or events will lead to inspiration. We are part of a global machine and we are all catalysts.
'
Love
A connection. The antithesis of math. A compromise. Romantic love- When you stare into someone's eyes and your brain is processing her beauty, her intellect, her character, her fears and every word she ever spoke or feeling she gave you. You're behaving out of the norm. You're letting go of all the pain the world has caused you, ever memory you can recall-- every thought that you once thought no one would understand comes to light. The thoughts that keep you up at night subside. You have someone to tell your most wildest dreams and that earth shaking fear that you will never achieve them. What you have gathered your entire life to determine the person you are. You give it away. There is no judgement. There is only understanding. This mutual sacrifice leads to creation. It creates borders in your brain that let no other beauty compete. It creates a glow in your skin, a light in your eye, it creates peace amongst two organisms bouncing through chaos .Peace because in the shadows of the brain there is no longer doubt whispering self destructive thoughts. Wondering if there is something better. It creates mind blowing sexual experiences. It creates pain. It creates conflict. It creates art. This is life. This is love.
Art
Art enables expression in a way that simple language never can. It's the attempt of our bodies and minds to show emotion. Emotions that surpass all other means of explanation. A series of music notes can inspire sadness. A painting of the ocean can create joy. Art is not limited to the chains of logic and reason-- art is passion. art is love. Art can bring us closure and peace. Art can bring understanding that intellect can only struggle with. Art can bring people together and rip lives apart. Art depicts the struggle and there is beauty in the struggle. There is beauty in life, pain, love, depression. There is beauty in the every day. The every day is life.
Death
When the world dies we will all die with it. When the mind dies the body follows suit. It is the end of our thoughts, desires, fears, happiness and mode of expression. Death is a fear. It's a roaming deadline. It comes too early. It comes too late. It defies comprehension. When someone dies the entire world is different from that point forward. Every person who knew the dead, who loved the dead, who hated the dead will never be the same. This extreme ripples through their life and everybody they come in contact with. Death steals our innocence, death steals our hope, death steals our faith and yet we must still find the will to continue on. Repression. Denial. Anger. There may never truly be acceptance. The only acceptance we can have is that death is an absolute and will happen. Death is math. Math is an absolute. Life is art. Life is expression.
I am a vessel amongst vessels. A piece of the unknown that is far superior than me. I am an essential piece. I perceive, i wonder, i change, i write, i fuck, i feel, i breathe,i express, i create, i give, i take, i love, i live.
10,000 tons of metal, cloth and machinery flying across oil stained asphalt at seventy miles an hour. This is my vessel. Billions of cells making up blood, bone and organs all fighting to stay alive. I am their vessel. An infinite amount of stars, planets and space bouncing through the universe in absolute chaos and undeniable order. A vessel unknown. I can feel the sparks in my brain as these electrical impulses attempt to find meaning in why I'm here, but even more so who I am.
Perception
I wonder about perception and the role it plays in defining a person. How we perceive other people. The actions we take to be perceived by others in a way that we find favorable-- in a way that will let people know "hey, I am like you. you are not alone." This can be reflected in career choices, social standing, personality traits, fashion choices, musical tastes, politics or the general ever changing idea in ones head of what they want to achieve, leave behind, or get out of this life. I want to breathe. I want to eat. I want to drink water. I want to have sex. I want to feel loved. I want someone to feel loved because of my actions. I want to belong, but not feel like I belong to the greater idea of society, but rather my own subset. I am not describing being part of a counter culture but being part of a family. A family who may not agree or understand me completely but shares my core values and ideas. A family who shares my passion and intellect. A family that will share strengths and provide support during times of weakness. A family when it comes down to us vs. the world we are the victors-- or at least, we will perceive ourselves that way. And that's okay. This is why perception is important. The undying feeling inside of me to feel belonging-- to not feel so alone-- to grasp a miniscule amount of understanding in an infinite arrangement of atoms-- to solve the ultimate puzzle. We are all the same. This is my perception.
Conflict
As i write, smoke is filling my lungs. A hard drag from a harsh cigarette. I feel satisfied. I am quenching a craving for nicotine that the cells in my brain want to believe that they need to survive. My lungs are screaming in inscrutable pain. This is their car wreck. This is their unwarranted murder. This is being stabbed in an alley for your net worth. This is injustice. The only means of defense is to send signals of pain to my unrelenting brain. I process the burn. My mind is fighting against my lungs as they both compete for survival and contentment-- this is conflict. There is no victory. The function of one is completely reliant on the other. This is love. This is life.
Sex
Goosebumps. The entire body left shaking at the inability to process the euphoria it just experienced. It was uncensored, passionate, no holds barred sex. It's a love affair between hormones, instincts and personal desire. Sexual intimacy is a world of it's own-- in that sensory perception is slightly altered when we tap into our darkest desires and pleasure points. Sometimes sex is just routine-- boring. Slight pleasure as a means to discharge the chemicals that are affecting one's brain. Sex, like art, can be a release of intense feelings of anger or love and this extreme passion being expressed is what will leave you trembling. When you're overcome by an argument and you throw her on the bed. When your heart starts beating uncontrollably, your brain is overflowing and you pick her up by the hips and forcefully lay your lips upon hers. When clothes are nothing but an obstacle to be overcome- to be ripped off and destroyed. In this state your heightened senses respond a lot differently. A slap to the face, an unforgiving bite to the neck, fingernails dragging across your back in a desperate attempt to combine two organisms into one-- this will send waves of ecstasy through your entire body and no cells are left untouched. It is total destruction of the surrounding environment. Tables, clothes, beds, and blinds stand no chance in an exchange that the most deadly of hurricanes could marvel over. Pain becomes pleasure. Lovers become sluts. Screams become melodies. Broken becomes whole. Love becomes real. Just like a painting or song this uncontrollable force leads to creation. This is love. This is life.
Pleasure/Pain
When a group of cells combines with mine it creates pleasure. When that same group of cells comes together with another group of cells it creates pain. There is no understanding.
Intelligence
An ability to process and absorb absolute knowledge. An ability to create from the known the unknown. Problem solving. The ability to combine information to explain ideas and concepts or create humor-- wit. Everyone questions their intellect to some degree. Some people strive to absorb as much absolute knowledge as possible so they can regurgitate it later. This makes them feel intelligent. Some people simply bow out and say "I know there are smarter people than me but this is how i see it." I am egocentric. I have never came across a person that I said "this person is more intelligent than me," but i have met some brilliant minds. I am not sure if this is a reflection on my own mind power or simply my social circle. Brilliance can come from all levels of intelligence and social standing. Sometimes brilliance is evident in scientific discovery or solving the unsolvable. Other times brilliance can be seen in a child that speaks with unbiased honesty about the way issues in the world. I do not like people who try to flaunt intellect. People who view themselves as the intellectually elite. Most times, these people are far less genius than they give themselves credit for. If not, they are simply squandering a valuable gift that could be shared with the rest of the dying. It's not really an argument worth having-- the greatest questions will never be answered and the smallest minds or events will lead to inspiration. We are part of a global machine and we are all catalysts.
'
Love
A connection. The antithesis of math. A compromise. Romantic love- When you stare into someone's eyes and your brain is processing her beauty, her intellect, her character, her fears and every word she ever spoke or feeling she gave you. You're behaving out of the norm. You're letting go of all the pain the world has caused you, ever memory you can recall-- every thought that you once thought no one would understand comes to light. The thoughts that keep you up at night subside. You have someone to tell your most wildest dreams and that earth shaking fear that you will never achieve them. What you have gathered your entire life to determine the person you are. You give it away. There is no judgement. There is only understanding. This mutual sacrifice leads to creation. It creates borders in your brain that let no other beauty compete. It creates a glow in your skin, a light in your eye, it creates peace amongst two organisms bouncing through chaos .Peace because in the shadows of the brain there is no longer doubt whispering self destructive thoughts. Wondering if there is something better. It creates mind blowing sexual experiences. It creates pain. It creates conflict. It creates art. This is life. This is love.
Art
Art enables expression in a way that simple language never can. It's the attempt of our bodies and minds to show emotion. Emotions that surpass all other means of explanation. A series of music notes can inspire sadness. A painting of the ocean can create joy. Art is not limited to the chains of logic and reason-- art is passion. art is love. Art can bring us closure and peace. Art can bring understanding that intellect can only struggle with. Art can bring people together and rip lives apart. Art depicts the struggle and there is beauty in the struggle. There is beauty in life, pain, love, depression. There is beauty in the every day. The every day is life.
Death
When the world dies we will all die with it. When the mind dies the body follows suit. It is the end of our thoughts, desires, fears, happiness and mode of expression. Death is a fear. It's a roaming deadline. It comes too early. It comes too late. It defies comprehension. When someone dies the entire world is different from that point forward. Every person who knew the dead, who loved the dead, who hated the dead will never be the same. This extreme ripples through their life and everybody they come in contact with. Death steals our innocence, death steals our hope, death steals our faith and yet we must still find the will to continue on. Repression. Denial. Anger. There may never truly be acceptance. The only acceptance we can have is that death is an absolute and will happen. Death is math. Math is an absolute. Life is art. Life is expression.
I am a vessel amongst vessels. A piece of the unknown that is far superior than me. I am an essential piece. I perceive, i wonder, i change, i write, i fuck, i feel, i breathe,i express, i create, i give, i take, i love, i live.