The Revelation Comes Too Late

[iHATEapril]

I think this is garbage, honestly. I don't know, it's probably too straihgtforward.


Half way through the story we find we’ve been fooled
A lie by omission is not even half the truth
you’re so ashamed and I understand I really do
But I really can’t feel at all sorry for you

When you break the rules, change them
If you messed up, deceive him
I’m the only one playing for keeps
It’s in the past, forget it
It means nothing, get over it
Your words coincide with the deed

You’re a mess of excuses for what you did
No apologies to come for any of this
You’ve spent six months concealing a lie
You weren't protecting me, so don't you dare say it
Those secrets were kept just to keep you alive

Introduce me to him if you trust me so much
I’ll be on my best behavior until it comes up
I can’t be held responsible for what I do now
You’ve never been held responsible somehow
You’re accountable now for all of his silence
It was not my intention
To be brought to such violence
by all of your actions
And your need for attention

Does it tear you apart?
What you did to yourself?
You’re tearing me apart
With each new story you tell

[ArTkY_]

WAYYY too blunt. Work on this and it'll be better. Diction is the problem.

[iHATEapril]

WAYYY too blunt. Work on this and it'll be better. Diction is the problem.

Yeah, I wrote it like 15 minutes ago in about 12 minutes. I don't know how to edit though, so I'll probably just give up on it.

[KidLightning]

just put it down for a while, and come back to it in a week or so. you may have some new insight by then or you may look at it and save a line or two and throw the rest away or you might really like it. And there's nothing wrong with being blunt and/or straightforward, lyrics don't need to obfuscated and cryptic, just look at Limbeck. Most straightforward lyrics ever and some of the best IMHO.

[ArTkY_]

just put it down for a while, and come back to it in a week or so. you may have some new insight by then or you may look at it and save a line or two and throw the rest away or you might really like it. And there's nothing wrong with being blunt and/or straightforward, lyrics don't need to obfuscated and cryptic, just look at Limbeck. Most straightforward lyrics ever and some of the best IMHO.
Straightforward can be good, but this is blunt and unorginal. Its just not good.

[KidLightning]

Straightforward can be good, but this is blunt and unorginal. Its just not good.
well i never passed judgment on whether it was good or bad, i'm just saying don't dismiss it because it's blunt and/or straightforward because there's nothing wrong with that, per se. I'm tired of the faux-poetic hoops lyricists think they have to jump through to make their lyrics "good". It usually just obfuscates them and makes them sound contrived and pretentious.

[iHATEapril]

Straightforward can be good, but this is blunt and unorginal. Its just not good.

Yeah, I get it Tariq, it's some of my weakest. I think I did it much better in the one I'm posting in one second. I'm going to check yours out in a bit as well.