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iHATEapril
05/07/06, 10:33 AM
I honestly think this is the best thing I've ever written.

It will make you feel better
If we keep ourselves together
And don’t show emotion in the least
If we dress up and walk the streets
Our memories crunch under our feet
This is everything you dreamed it’d be

We’re the black and white actors
Who played happy for the cameras
To distract the depressed workers
When jobs were gone, times were rough
Their single joy to watch on screens
While their families starve and freeze
Two children play romance at dusk
Fading faster as the credits show up

We’ve been hiding out intents
In these dark theaters
We hide our hearts, we play suspense
But I can’t help but fear
The light has gone with your self respect

As the curtains close
We resign to separate beds
And with this secret that you told
I fear that you put us to rest

The tall dark and handsome on the screen
Had other plans that aren’t quite through
Remember, just because you two don’t speak
Doesn’t mean he isn’t watching you

wyverna
05/07/06, 10:54 AM
I really really like this, especially:

Our memories crunch under our feet

good work

to kill this
05/07/06, 11:13 AM
so, what was your inspiration?

iHATEapril
05/07/06, 11:17 AM
so, what was your inspiration?

Oh shut up.

ArTkY_
05/07/06, 12:51 PM
Remember, just because you two don’t speak
Doesn’t mean he isn’t watching you

Fuck you and your amazing closers!

This was very good! I loved it. Maybe your best work, indeed, indeed.

OveriseFan
05/07/06, 02:17 PM
Your closers are amazing.

But there's something familliar about that line...

"Better off Dead" by New Found Glory

"Just cause he can't hear what you say, doesn't mean that he's not listening"

We resign to separate beds

That's my only problem, as you're not old enough to sleep in the same bed as a girl in the way you're speaking...

But yeah, I love this, and is easily your best piece.

iHATEapril
05/07/06, 02:20 PM
Your closers are amazing.

But there's something familliar about that line...

"Better off Dead" by New Found Glory

"Just cause he can't hear what you say, doesn't mean that he's not listening"

We resign to separate beds

That's my only problem, as you're not old enough to sleep in the same bed as a girl in the way you're speaking...

But yeah, I love this, and is easily your best piece.

haha, I've never heard Better Off Dead. The bed part is a sexual reference as well as a depression theme.

OveriseFan
05/07/06, 02:34 PM
haha, I've never heard Better Off Dead. The bed part is a sexual reference as well as a depression theme.

I know what you were implying I just hate it when people act older than they are in their writing, and it's something I do far too much. I also use italics too much to annunciate certain things. But then again using bold, underlines, and italics makes it look cheesy and a 12-year-old's AIM profile...

a speedo model
05/07/06, 08:01 PM
wow. that was really great, this could very well be your best, it's excellent. good job, man.