Ex-Girlfriend Troubles

[BlackAxxe]

Okay so iv been broken up with my girlfriend for almost a year now. Yeah i know its been a long time but we have recently just started talking again. Thing is, i think im still in love with her. I know, pathetic right? I haven't been able to really establish any feelings for any other girls since our break up and i think i still have serious feelings for her. I dont think she feels the same because well...i kind of broke up with her. I keep seeming like more of a dick as this thread goes by but just hear me out. So we have been talking quite a lot lately, just like regular people talk stuff nothing serious. But, should i even try? I mean i broke this girls heart, she hated me for like 8 months and now we are finally on talking terms again, is it worth throwing that away for trying again at a relationship? She's cool, nice, funny and all those all other stereotypical things that all great girls are. So what should i do guys? Is it even worth a shot?

Ps- Anal.

Pps - just thought i would get it out the way so we dont need to waste our time with more anal jokes. Which are amazing btw.

cheers dudes x

[reesa]

haha at the ps.

dude, if you really feel like this girl is the only one for you and if you're still in love. go for it. she might not go back but if you really want her back show her that you want her. it might be worth it.

[AlkalineAshes]

Okay so iv been broken up with my girlfriend for almost a year now. Yeah i know its been a long time but we have recently just started talking again. Thing is, i think im still in love with her. I know, pathetic right? I haven't been able to really establish any feelings for any other girls since our break up and i think i still have serious feelings for her. I dont think she feels the same because well...i kind of broke up with her. I keep seeming like more of a dick as this thread goes by but just hear me out. So we have been talking quite a lot lately, just like regular people talk stuff nothing serious. But, should i even try? I mean i broke this girls heart, she hated me for like 8 months and now we are finally on talking terms again, is it worth throwing that away for trying again at a relationship? She's cool, nice, funny and all those all other stereotypical things that all great girls are. So what should i do guys? Is it even worth a shot?

Ps- Anal.

Pps - just thought i would get it out the way so we dont need to waste our time with more anal jokes. Which are amazing btw.

cheers dudes x

since u broke up with her, i think she will go back with you, but youl prob just end up doin it again for whatever reasons you did it the first time. these things rarely work out

[Mibabalou]

anal

[BlackAxxe]

since u broke up with her, i think she will go back with you, but youl prob just end up doin it again for whatever reasons you did it the first time. these things rarely work out

Thats what i am fucking TERRIFIED of. What if she does take me back, i realise i don't want it and then break her heart all over again? We have both been through a lot of tough stuff lately, that is the last thing she needs.

But...still...man, its a tough call. i wish somebody else would make it for me haha. thanks anyway dude, really appreciate the advice

[BlackAxxe]

haha at the ps.

dude, if you really feel like this girl is the only one for you and if you're still in love. go for it. she might not go back but if you really want her back show her that you want her. it might be worth it.

Dude your argument is so spot on! I really think i want her back, its been on my mind so much lately, but im so worried it wont work out. and even if i try to get her back and it fails then i have ruined the friendship that it has taken almost a year to get back. this is rough haha

[reesa]

Dude your argument is so spot on! I really think i want her back, its been on my mind so much lately, but im so worried it wont work out. and even if i try to get her back and it fails then i have ruined the friendship that it has taken almost a year to get back. this is rough haha
damn i didn't even think of the friendship part :P sorry man. maybe wait til you feel like you've definately become good friends and if anything, maybe more. you'll just know dude. she might even feel exactly the same way. anyway good luck (:

[ActionActionFan]

Why did you break up?

[ZachMadeMeOdd]

Went through this exact same situation guy. we went 6 months without speaking, then talked a little at a mutual friends wedding. Talked about getting together soon to catch up. Got together, caught up, missed each other, got back together for a month, then I woke up to a text the day after my birthday saying something along the lines of I do love you but I dont think its ever going to work out between us. Goodbye.

So no, it isn't worth it. Fuck women.

[BlackAxxe]

Why did you break up?

Because i am a total moron that thought he wanted to be single and spend a little time to himself. Biggest mistake i have ever made.

[BlackAxxe]

Went through this exact same situation guy. we went 6 months without speaking, then talked a little at a mutual friends wedding. Talked about getting together soon to catch up. Got together, caught up, missed each other, got back together for a month, then I woke up to a text the day after my birthday saying something along the lines of I do love you but I dont think its ever going to work out between us. Goodbye.

So no, it isn't worth it. Fuck women.

Dude that totally sucks. But i mean, you kind of had to do it right? Was the month not worth it, to at least get some closure on the situation?

[4N6 science]

Oral.

[uglystar03]

... at least she isn't dating your ex-best friend?

[jon.]

Is it worth throwing what away? The relationship that didn't exist for the past year? Just do what you think is best because you're not gonna find the answer on an internet message board. Or you could be fucking badass and get a sweet BJ and then move on.

[AndrewIcex]

Step-by-step:

1. Establish solid conversations.
2. Set up a good hangout, in a non-date format.
3. Be flirtatious, but not in the most obvious and absolutely blunt way (being subtle will give her hints, but make her wonder).
4. Begin reminiscing on the past (only good things, and man-up to your mistakes to her, show her you are serious with the change).
5. Possibly bring in the possibility of a future (in a joking manner but kinda serious, like "Wouldn't it be crazy, if we actually went on a date again?")
6. Once she allows all of these things to happen, make sure she knows you want more than a possible hook up, make it mean something.
7. Go show her a good time.

I feel like this could work, you might have a chance... but you can add in little things to the list... whatever you feel like might work.

And yes, it is worth a definite shot.

[threepunchjim]

be careful dude. It sounds like this girl is, what I like to call, your "reference point."

She's the girl you had serious feelings for, and all women since then have been filler tracks. Because of this, your state of happiness will always be in reference to when you were with her. Just because you can refer back to it and remember points of true happiness doesn't mean she's the one.

Also, a very real factor playing a part in those conversations you've been enjoying is that she already knows you very well, probably better than anyone else in your life right now. Again, this doesn't mean that she's the proverbial "ONE." Remember that you were unhappy for a reason, which, though obviously clouded now, was probably to you very reasonable at the time.

The cold truth is that if you broke up with her once, you're going to do it again. She's your reference point until the next real thing, and falling back into that is going to prevent each of you from moving on with your lives.

[BlackAxxe]

... at least she isn't dating your ex-best friend?


haha, see now thats brilliant because she already has! almost as soon as we broke up she started dating my best friend! its so weird that you said that. they broke up after only a little while but still. man, weird stuff haha.

i realise this makes her seem like a bit of a tart or whatever, but i was her first proper, proper boyfriend and i totally broke her heart so i guess she was just trying to make me hurt...which she kind of did for a while.

[BlackAxxe]

be careful dude. It sounds like this girl is, what I like to call, your "reference point."

She's the girl you had serious feelings for, and all women since then have been filler tracks. Because of this, your state of happiness will always be in reference to when you were with her. Just because you can refer back to it and remember points of true happiness doesn't mean she's the one.

Also, a very real factor playing a part in those conversations you've been enjoying is that she already knows you very well, probably better than anyone else in your life right now. Again, this doesn't mean that she's the proverbial "ONE." Remember that you were unhappy for a reason, which, though obviously clouded now, was probably to you very reasonable at the time.

The cold truth is that if you broke up with her once, you're going to do it again. She's your reference point until the next real thing, and falling back into that is going to prevent each of you from moving on with your lives.

holy shit man, that was a fucking masterpiece haha. you must have copy and pasted that! problem is, i think your right. what you just said makes loads of sense and i totally one hundred percent get where you are coming from but i could never put it into such perfect words.

so wait, does this mean i dont like her? and am only remembering the great times we had together because i cannot think of anything better because i havent experienced it yet? does this mean that i shouldnt try and get back with her?

shit man, you have just raised another thousand questions! thanks alot though dude, your post was really helpful!

[jon.]

be careful dude. It sounds like this girl is, what I like to call, your "reference point."

She's the girl you had serious feelings for, and all women since then have been filler tracks. Because of this, your state of happiness will always be in reference to when you were with her. Just because you can refer back to it and remember points of true happiness doesn't mean she's the one.

Also, a very real factor playing a part in those conversations you've been enjoying is that she already knows you very well, probably better than anyone else in your life right now. Again, this doesn't mean that she's the proverbial "ONE." Remember that you were unhappy for a reason, which, though obviously clouded now, was probably to you very reasonable at the time.

The cold truth is that if you broke up with her once, you're going to do it again. She's your reference point until the next real thing, and falling back into that is going to prevent each of you from moving on with your lives.
That shit's poetic. Nicely put.

[AndrewIcex]

holy shit man, that was a fucking masterpiece haha. you must have copy and pasted that! problem is, i think your right. what you just said makes loads of sense and i totally one hundred percent get where you are coming from but i could never put it into such perfect words.

so wait, does this mean i dont like her? and am only remembering the great times we had together because i cannot think of anything better because i havent experienced it yet? does this mean that i shouldnt try and get back with her?

shit man, you have just raised another thousand questions! thanks alot though dude, your post was really helpful!
Question, does college have to do with the break up? Like in any aspect at all?

[BlackAxxe]

Question, does college have to do with the break up? Like in any aspect at all?

Well no...it had kind of just gotten to a stage where we didnt enjoy the relationship anymore.

But heres the problem, now we are both at university...in Edinburgh. Different universities but still very close together. I guess the fact that we are so close together now has kind of sparked us talking again and therefore made me interested again.

[ActionActionFan]

Question, does college have to do with the break up? Like in any aspect at all?

I just realized you're a prestigious member after less than 2 months. That's insane but congrats.

[AndrewIcex]

Well no...it had kind of just gotten to a stage where we didnt enjoy the relationship anymore.

But heres the problem, now we are both at university...in Edinburgh. Different universities but still very close together. I guess the fact that we are so close together now has kind of sparked us talking again and therefore made me interested again.
Well, the change of scenery could very easily effect your outlook on the relationship and its potential... age does that, and entering college is a whole new world of situations and maturity.

You may not be too much older (a year, if that) but college definitely changes situations and thoughts on what you want/have.

I have been in your position before.

[AndrewIcex]

I just realized you're a prestigious member after less than 2 months. That's insane but congrats.
I joined in April actually.. this is actually my 3rd account, but lost the passwords to the previous ones, so I made another in April and forced it to prestigious haha.

Lost interest in post-count halfway through though, I just have a lot of free time to talk with friends on here, so was an easy trip to 10k.

And thank you.

[ZachMadeMeOdd]

Dude that totally sucks. But i mean, you kind of had to do it right? Was the month not worth it, to at least get some closure on the situation?

No it wasn't, I hate her and the cokehead she left me for. Complete waste of time and disappointment.

[BlackAxxe]

Well, the change of scenery could very easily effect your outlook on the relationship and its potential... age does that, and entering college is a whole new world of situations and maturity.

You may not be too much older (a year, if that) but college definitely changes situations and thoughts on what you want/have.

I have been in your position before.

I do really think that things could be different this time round, but im not sure if it would work out. The problem is that threepunchjim's post above has really got me thinking that maybe it isnt that i miss her, but just miss the whole situation and that she is not as fantastic as i remember.

But i totally agree with you that now that we have a new scene, are a bit older and have lots of different things to experience could really change our outlook on the whole relationship. Thanks again for your advice dude

[ActionActionFan]

Just give it a shot. You have nothing to lose.

[BlackAxxe]

Just give it a shot. You have nothing to lose.

Aside from a friendship it took 8 months to rebuild haha. But i can find other friends!

[uglystar03]

haha, see now thats brilliant because she already has! almost as soon as we broke up she started dating my best friend! its so weird that you said that. they broke up after only a little while but still. man, weird stuff haha.

i realise this makes her seem like a bit of a tart or whatever, but i was her first proper, proper boyfriend and i totally broke her heart so i guess she was just trying to make me hurt...which she kind of did for a while.

I suppose I'm in that situation now. Me and this girl broke up in February, officially broke everything off at the beginning of July, by the middle of August she is dating my ex-best friend. I guess I was her first serious relationship and she doesn't realize how fucked up what she's doing is. I try not to let it bother me because whatever I do won't change the fact that they're doing it. A year ago we were talking about marriage and now she's fucking someone that used to be close to me. But I suppose I have hindsight 20/20 because I can see how this guy has been weaseling his way in for a long time.

[threepunchjim]

holy shit man, that was a fucking masterpiece haha. you must have copy and pasted that! problem is, i think your right. what you just said makes loads of sense and i totally one hundred percent get where you are coming from but i could never put it into such perfect words.

so wait, does this mean i dont like her? and am only remembering the great times we had together because i cannot think of anything better because i havent experienced it yet? does this mean that i shouldnt try and get back with her?

shit man, you have just raised another thousand questions! thanks alot though dude, your post was really helpful!

Haha thanks man. I was in a similar situation about two years ago, so I can definitely relate. Me and this girl dated for a good year and a half before I broke up with her. We ended up getting back together about 6 months later and dated for another 6 months, annnnnnnnnnddd it just made breaking up again a whole lot worse. I guess the only upside is that at that point the breakup was mutual.

What makes your situation tricky, I'm assuming, is that you really do like her. You might even be in love with her. That's what really sucks. Believe me, man, I know. But the funny thing with love is how temperamental it is. I can honestly guarantee that once you do get her back - and you would if you tried - that you're going to enjoy the text messages for about a week, and then you'll regret it. You'll want to flap those freedom wings again, but now you're trapped in a dirty Catch-22: break her heart and be a complete asshole now? or wait miserably for a couple months so you can sleep at night knowing you gave it an honest try.

And for the record, Allyson's still my reference point. There's been women after, and none have measured up. I still reflect on the amazing years I had with her and wonder from time to time if I was happier back then. I guess I still don't know. All I know for sure is that I wasn't happy with who I was back then, and she fell in love with a man that I can't love myself. If I ever did date her again, she'd be expecting the guy she loved, and I'm just not that guy anymore.

[Gat$by]

I just want to talk to my ex, but I can't even get that from her normally.

[threepunchjim]

That shit's poetic. Nicely put.

haha thanks man. I've had a lot of time to think about it.

[THE_SICKEST]

Do it billy.

[BlackAxxe]

I suppose I'm in that situation now. Me and this girl broke up in February, officially broke everything off at the beginning of July, by the middle of August she is dating my ex-best friend. I guess I was her first serious relationship and she doesn't realize how fucked up what she's doing is. I try not to let it bother me because whatever I do won't change the fact that they're doing it. A year ago we were talking about marriage and now she's fucking someone that used to be close to me. But I suppose I have hindsight 20/20 because I can see how this guy has been weaseling his way in for a long time.

man that is INCREDIBLE how close to my situation this is. i know how much it sucks dude, and its impossible to think that your girl could do something so fucked up huh? I guess we just have to get over it, i never EVER thought i would get over knowing she was with this dude that i used to be best friends but after time i really did become okay with it. Haha, i became so okay that i now want her back! its crazy stuff man, and as messed up as girls can be, you will get learn to deal with it if you already havent man. thanks for helping me out dude. But yeah to conclude, fuck that dude he is a total douche.

Haha thanks man. I was in a similar situation about two years ago, so I can definitely relate. Me and this girl dated for a good year and a half before I broke up with her. We ended up getting back together about 6 months later and dated for another 6 months, annnnnnnnnnddd it just made breaking up again a whole lot worse. I guess the only upside is that at that point the breakup was mutual.

What makes your situation tricky, I'm assuming, is that you really do like her. You might even be in love with her. That's what really sucks. Believe me, man, I know. But the funny thing with love is how temperamental it is. I can honestly guarantee that once you do get her back - and you would if you tried - that you're going to enjoy the text messages for about a week, and then you'll regret it. You'll want to flap those freedom wings again, but now you're trapped in a dirty Catch-22: break her heart and be a complete asshole now? or wait miserably for a couple months so you can sleep at night knowing you gave it an honest try.

And for the record, Allyson's still my reference point. There's been women after, and none have measured up. I still reflect on the amazing years I had with her and wonder from time to time if I was happier back then. I guess I still don't know. All I know for sure is that I wasn't happy with who I was back then, and she fell in love with a man that I can't love myself. If I ever did date her again, she'd be expecting the guy she loved, and I'm just not that guy anymore.

shit man, you have hit the nail on the head exactly again! how do you do it!? i am seriously worried that i will realise how little i want to be with her as soon as i have her back like you said. And i know me, i will never have the heart to break it off with her again even if i wasnt enjoying it. hell i would probably MARRY this girl just so i didnt have to break her heart again!

But the thing is, and i am so so thankful for all your advice, maybe my situation would not be the same as yours? I mean, i can totally see all the resemblances and you have pretty much put ALL of my fears about it into words...but maybe it wont happen for me? And i know that just sounds like total denial but it could work out totally fantastic, i could realise how much i love her again and we could be happy again...Or it could go exactly as you have said it will. Its a scary situation to be in so i really appreciate your advice dude, its cool to have somebody that has been in such a similar situation help me out...none of my friends have any idea of what i am going through haha.

[mattmatumbo]

Because i am a total moron that thought he wanted to be single and spend a little time to himself. Biggest mistake i have ever made.

Same reason i broke up with my ex, but i found that i was VERY happy away from her.

[phil19]

someones probably asked this before, but if she's so cool and everything, why did you break up with her in the first place?

if you broke her heart and she's stupid enough to go back to you then all the best mate!

[BlackAxxe]

someones probably asked this before, but if she's so cool and everything, why did you break up with her in the first place?

if you broke her heart and she's stupid enough to go back to you then all the best mate!

The relationship had just gotten to the stage where it wasnt working anymore. But now that we are in a new situation and environment i really think it could work again.

And she wouldn't be "stupid" to go back with me it just didn't work out man.

[Time Bomb Clock]

This topic is a little bit of a hit or miss scenario to be honest. I noticed some of the others talking about doing this and it ended up a whole lot worse in the end. However, I have the same exact situation and it turned out a whole lot better than I expected in the end. Me and this girl had dated for awhile while we were in high school, she broke up with me, six months later I started dating a friend of hers, three months later we were back together. This second go lasted only seven months, but it was much better than the initial relationship and only ended because we both decided the spark wasn't really there. It sort of served as a closure point for us, and now we're both good friends leading our own lives.

[theguilt engine]

move to America and find yourself a fatty!

[And Hours Pass]

Oral.
I see what you did there...

[kbi the crowing]

you included anal in your original post, fucking kudos

but I really don't know what advice to give for this, if you think it will offer you closure if you go for it and falls apart and can accept that I'd say do it.

[God damner]

One word man. Baggage. If you get back together, you guys run the risk of dragging the past into it. If you can't see why you broke up with her in the first place or no longer care about those thing and you really love her, go for it. But if you feel like it was justified in some way or feel like she or you might have rejection issues or grippes from the days of old, save yourself the circle.

[4N6 science]

I see what you did there...

exactly.

[AndrewIcex]

I do really think that things could be different this time round, but im not sure if it would work out. The problem is that threepunchjim's post above has really got me thinking that maybe it isnt that i miss her, but just miss the whole situation and that she is not as fantastic as i remember.

But i totally agree with you that now that we have a new scene, are a bit older and have lots of different things to experience could really change our outlook on the whole relationship. Thanks again for your advice dude
Of course, experiencing the college life with someone you truly care about is amazing, I love having that myself ... its definitely worth it.

[ActionActionFan]

Aside from a friendship it took 8 months to rebuild haha. But i can find other friends!

I guess. But if you don't give it another shot this could be something that you regret for the rest of your life. The possible benefit definitely outweighs the possible cost.

[Brand-new-123]

Because i am a total moron that thought he wanted to be single and spend a little time to himself. Biggest mistake i have ever made.
i lol'd

[ted is lying]

Dont get back with her, fuck a hooker and call it good afternoon. Now for real just don't get with her you'll end up breaking her heart. Look around and being single aint that bad.
ps. anal

[limepomegranate]

first of all i'm trashed and this might not make sense. (my face feels weird but really awesome at the same time haha) uhmmm i say go for because what do you have to lose? at the worst she'll say no and you'll have an awkward period and maybe be friends again.

[BBScience]

It's never as good the second time around, I say this from experience. It might seem great for a couple weeks, but soon you'll fall back into the same sort of relationship that made you want to leave her in the first place.

You have two options:

1. Move on.
2. Hook up a couple times, then move on.

[Taking_Frags]

I say go for it. If you don't, you'll always wonder "What if...". If it turns out you dump her again, better to break her heart then have yours broken in all honesty.

[phil19]

The relationship had just gotten to the stage where it wasnt working anymore. But now that we are in a new situation and environment i really think it could work again.

And she wouldn't be "stupid" to go back with me it just didn't work out man.

then you should go for it.
all i know is that i kept getting back with my gf who dumped me and now i realise how stupid i was to keep taking her back.

[Sventhegreat]

The relationship had just gotten to the stage where it wasnt working anymore. But now that we are in a new situation and environment i really think it could work again.

And she wouldn't be "stupid" to go back with me it just didn't work out man.

You should go for it. I bet you just weren't mature enough, or she wasn't, for the relationship to continue. I'm sure you've both grown a lot over the course of a year. Don't rush anything though.

[Loch_Doun]

get in that ass

[timb89]

... at least she isn't dating your ex-best friend?

i hate the term "ex-best friend" its such a hills thing to say.

[limepomegranate]

fuck her brains out.

[zion the lion]

This shit pisses me off. It's basically the exact same thing happening to me. Except he broke up with me exactly a year ago (in two weeks, my moms b-day, go figure) and I spent a whole year single, and then we started talking out of nowhere a month ago, and he told me his feelings never changed one night.

But then the next day he kind of dropped off the face of the earth, because the same exact shit that broke us up in the first place is happening all over again.

I say just kill yourself. It's really the only reasonable thing to do at this point.

[stereokiller]

Okay so iv been broken up with my girlfriend for almost a year now. Yeah i know its been a long time but we have recently just started talking again. Thing is, i think im still in love with her. I know, pathetic right? I haven't been able to really establish any feelings for any other girls since our break up and i think i still have serious feelings for her. I dont think she feels the same because well...i kind of broke up with her. I keep seeming like more of a dick as this thread goes by but just hear me out. So we have been talking quite a lot lately, just like regular people talk stuff nothing serious. But, should i even try? I mean i broke this girls heart, she hated me for like 8 months and now we are finally on talking terms again, is it worth throwing that away for trying again at a relationship? She's cool, nice, funny and all those all other stereotypical things that all great girls are. So what should i do guys? Is it even worth a shot?

Ps- Anal.

Pps - just thought i would get it out the way so we dont need to waste our time with more anal jokes. Which are amazing btw.

cheers dudes x

avatar fucking rocks.

[uglystar03]

i hate the term "ex-best friend" its such a hills thing to say.

Never seen the hills, so I wouldn't know what terms they use, but I don't care for the term much either. I just wasn't sure how else to put it. He used to be one of my best buddies and now he's not.

[Auals]

Okay so iv been broken up with my girlfriend for almost a year now. Yeah i know its been a long time but we have recently just started talking again. Thing is, i think im still in love with her. I know, pathetic right? I haven't been able to really establish any feelings for any other girls since our break up and i think i still have serious feelings for her. I dont think she feels the same because well...i kind of broke up with her. I keep seeming like more of a dick as this thread goes by but just hear me out. So we have been talking quite a lot lately, just like regular people talk stuff nothing serious. But, should i even try? I mean i broke this girls heart, she hated me for like 8 months and now we are finally on talking terms again, is it worth throwing that away for trying again at a relationship? She's cool, nice, funny and all those all other stereotypical things that all great girls are. So what should i do guys? Is it even worth a shot?

Ps- Anal.

Pps - just thought i would get it out the way so we dont need to waste our time with more anal jokes. Which are amazing btw.

cheers dudes x

So I know you've probably got a heap of good advice by now, but I just want to tell you a story about what happened with my ex from highschool.


Sam and I hooked up randomly at the party of a mutual friend. We'd never met before and I'm not sure how things like this usually go but afterwards her and I were really close. We were great friends for 2 years, and then eventually (after a long and sordid story that I'm keeping a secret) we started dating. We dated on and off. Everytime we started dating, it would last three months and then fall apart, we wouldn't talk for 3 months and then we'd start dating about a week after we started talking again. She kept me up at night, in a thinking way, and hardly ever left my thoughts. Yes, I had it bad, I get it. In year 12, we started dating again, it lasted 5 months almost six before we broke up again. During year 12, right before exams. For those of you who've done exams you know the shit that causes. After that we didn't talk for 2 years and only now are we getting our friendship back because we're both dating other people.

The point I'm trying to make dude is that there are some people you can't JUST be friends with unless you both make sure you keep it that way. If you want her to be in your life for a while then I wouldn't push it, but if you seriously love her and think it's worth the risk of breaking up again and losing her then go it. On the same token, if you're worried you're going to fuck it up then you're already worrying way too much about the future to enjoy yourself with her now aren't you? Ironic really.

I know I haven't really given you advice, hopefully just some food for thought. Good luck man, I hope things work/ed out for you because Sam and I now are great friends, but you always wonder what could've been (just wonder, don't actually do anything about it if you have a gf, I'm being good :)). Good luck.

You should go for it. I bet you just weren't mature enough, or she wasn't, for the relationship to continue. I'm sure you've both grown a lot over the course of a year. Don't rush anything though.

Fucking A, you never realise it in highschool but once you're 18/19 you realise just how immature you were in relationships then. Worrying about stupid things. I have REALLY bad anxiety which was undiagnosed at the time (i'm on pills now, go me) and that played a big part in her and I breaking up and fucking each other around emotionally so there's a lot to it. But knowing that my brain does that now gives me a much better understanding of Sam and I and what happened so, growing up helps a lot.

[Rubato]

Step-by-step:

1. Establish solid conversations.
2. Set up a good hangout, in a non-date format.
3. Be flirtatious, but not in the most obvious and absolutely blunt way (being subtle will give her hints, but make her wonder).
4. Begin reminiscing on the past (only good things, and man-up to your mistakes to her, show her you are serious with the change).
5. Possibly bring in the possibility of a future (in a joking manner but kinda serious, like "Wouldn't it be crazy, if we actually went on a date again?")
6. Once she allows all of these things to happen, make sure she knows you want more than a possible hook up, make it mean something.
7. Go show her a good time.

I feel like this could work, you might have a chance... but you can add in little things to the list... whatever you feel like might work.

And yes, it is worth a definite shot.


How very cold and calculated. Should he write these numbered points on his arm so he doesn't forget?

[Rubato]

It's never as good the second time around, I say this from experience. It might seem great for a couple weeks, but soon you'll fall back into the same sort of relationship that made you want to leave her in the first place.

You have two options:

1. Move on.
2. Hook up a couple times, then move on.


This is painfully honest and true in every case I've ever experienced.

I'd pick #2.

[tottivillarossi]

Wow, he's from Scotland. I didn't know people up there stayed sober long enough to fall in love.



Step-by-step:

1. Establish solid conversations.
2. Set up a good hangout, in a non-date format.
3. Be flirtatious, but not in the most obvious and absolutely blunt way (being subtle will give her hints, but make her wonder).
4. Begin reminiscing on the past (only good things, and man-up to your mistakes to her, show her you are serious with the change).
5. Possibly bring in the possibility of a future (in a joking manner but kinda serious, like "Wouldn't it be crazy, if we actually went on a date again?")
6. Once she allows all of these things to happen, make sure she knows you want more than a possible hook up, make it mean something.
7. Go show her a good time.

I feel like this could work, you might have a chance... but you can add in little things to the list... whatever you feel like might work.

And yes, it is worth a definite shot.


Heh, unless she's a complete moron she'd suss that out by step 3.

[Codi23]

I sympathize big time with you, OP; I'm going through the same thing right now. Except she broke up with me a little over a year ago, after we had a serious relationship for a year and a half, and known each other our whole lives.

Your story pretty much word for word matches mine, so I'm not really going to detail mine. I really want to thank some of the posters in this thread, though, because your advice is helping me look at my situation from different perspectives, and that's definitely a good thing to do in this kind of situation. Past feelings can really leave you blinded on who the person is now, in reality.

So, thank you all for the good advice! And I hope your situation doesn't get too complex, OP; things work themselves out over time, that's what I keep telling myself haha.

[AndrewIcex]

How very cold and calculated. Should he write these numbered points on his arm so he doesn't forget?
Well, its pretty basic, just a basic formula for re-establishing (sp?) a relationship, possibly.
Wow, he's from Scotland. I didn't know people up there stayed sober long enough to fall in love.






Heh, unless she's a complete moron she'd suss that out by step 3.
I doubt it.

[ilikesound93]

Oral.

For some reason, I laugh every single time I see your avatar.

[limepomegranate]

fuck her and move on.

[xmicxcorex]

... at least she isn't dating your ex-best friend?



hahaha...country song.



anyways...ya, dude, I almost did that just after me and my girlfriend started dating, the whole "i think id rather be single" thing....now im glad i didn't. I wish you the best of luck though, my ex is going through your issue with me. Except she doesn't have a chance. Oh! And I'm dating her ex-best friend. Daaaaaaaaaaang!

[xmicxcorex]

oh and...

ANAL!!!!!!!!


done now.

[4N6 science]

For some reason, I laugh every single time I see your avatar.

Good. It is a great avatar.

[BlackAxxe]

so right, iv been thinking about it and i have been taking everyones advice and shit and its all been fantastic but i have made up my mind. see the thing is, i look at pictures of her and i get this feeling that just isnt going away. i need to take this chance and i really appreciate everyones advice but i have to do this. lets see how it goes haha.

thanks to everyone for your help. its been really helpful! x

[ted is lying]

so right, iv been thinking about it and i have been taking everyones advice and shit and its all been fantastic but i have made up my mind. see the thing is, i look at pictures of her and i get this feeling that just isnt going away. i need to take this chance and i really appreciate everyones advice but i have to do this. lets see how it goes haha.

thanks to everyone for your help. its been really helpful! x
Where they N00dz pictures?

[Sloth7]

be careful dude. It sounds like this girl is, what I like to call, your "reference point."

She's the girl you had serious feelings for, and all women since then have been filler tracks. Because of this, your state of happiness will always be in reference to when you were with her. Just because you can refer back to it and remember points of true happiness doesn't mean she's the one.

Also, a very real factor playing a part in those conversations you've been enjoying is that she already knows you very well, probably better than anyone else in your life right now. Again, this doesn't mean that she's the proverbial "ONE." Remember that you were unhappy for a reason, which, though obviously clouded now, was probably to you very reasonable at the time.

The cold truth is that if you broke up with her once, you're going to do it again. She's your reference point until the next real thing, and falling back into that is going to prevent each of you from moving on with your lives.



VERY well said. To the guy who started this thread, read this post again. I've dealt with the "reference point" before, and it just leaves you in a safe zone and you're afraid to move on based on clouded memories. Sometimes things are best left the way they are. To get back with this girl and most likely have it end again will just hurt her more. Save yourself and her the months of aggravation and misery recovering again when things sputter out. Letting go and moving on is healthiest and least selfish for you both in this situation. Best of luck.